Finally telling my mum
Dec. 2021 after 4.5 years reconciling I tell wh that I want to separate until he proves he is a safe partner. He lied to me. A big lie and it threw my trust out of the window. Now in all this time I have not said anything to my mum. My girls haven't as well. She has had a lot of shit with my brothers and I didn't want to add. But I told her over the phone that we were likely to separate and that he had lied and cheated. We are not close but she never said anything to me after. I was a bit hurt but I just accepted it Anyway this long Labour weekend, I catch up with her. She states she is sorry about what is going on with my wh with his job. Wh is on leave and was painting her bathroom. I just start saying that while it is awful, because he lied to me I am keeping myself safe and we are still separated and talk about it. I make a flippant comment about hoping he doesn't go on tinder with all the time he has and she is a bit shocked and claims he never would So I say will he has while we were married so who knows. Turns out she probably didn't have her hearing aids on last year when I talked to her. She is 92. So I told her everything about his cheating, lying stealing going back years. And that is why I am focussing on me and keeping myself safe. I finally told my mum. Not having any family member to talk to about wh cheating has been really painful for me. I told her not to worry about me but When I left, it was a huge weight off my shoulders to tell her. That not only had I gone through stage 3 cancer, redundancy of my dream career but the trifacta of wh's being caught and then years of cheating being disclosed. She now gets it. And I am not being a callous bitch to my wh, but taking care of myself. Just was a big thing for me and wanted to share.
0 comment posted: Wednesday, October 26th, 2022
Turning 60 and my project of self love
This is a bit of a ramble in thoughts as I continue to work through my own recovery and beyond. As few people in my real life know about what I have gone through with infidelity, I thought I would write this down to share to motivate me.
I am turning 60 this year. It feels so weird sometimes. Both my body and mind have taken a real hit over the last 7 years with cancer and the trauma of infidelity. In all this shite, I have had a bit of a mantra about loving and trusting myself, sometimes when I have been curled up in ball from the pain of infidelity, it has helped me to rock me to some sort of sleep. I am way past that now (mostly) and actively working on how I can demonstrate more self love as I grow older in a city where skin clinics are multiplying constantly and wrinkle creams are constantly in my face. I want to genuinely celebrate getting older and loving the changes to my body, including all the wrinkles and most of the time, I am ok with it. But then I'm not. Seven years ago, it was a real possiblity I wouldn't make it and getting through the five years post cancer on meds was a celebration or would have been more so, had it not been overshadowed by the discovery of a f***load of cheating. So as I approach 60, it is my project to work on actively loving my aging self, my scars, my wrinkles, and my slowly greying curly mop as I plan to stop colouring my hair. Using any ideas that make sense, are doable and especially fun - mindfulness, stretching, exercise, gardening, dancing, making sandcastles with my grandson, walking / tramping (hiking) in the bush (forest), laughing and even planning to travel again beyond our shores now our borders are opening properly again. Embrace the crone. I am present and alive and I can do this! 
8 comments posted: Wednesday, June 1st, 2022
