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HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 2:12 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
Well, I had to ask. 3 weeks ago I asked how much one person can take.
Last Monday my mom asked me to go ahead and ask the doctor for hospice services for Daddy. He was admitted to hospice last Tuesday. And he’s in the last hours now. We’ve had a wonderful, sweet time with family over the last two days. Yesterday he was able to tell each of his children and grandchildren that he loved us. Today he has not been responsive at all. My mom tried to pull a control move and make us all leave. To be clear, there’s three of us children and our spouses. Yesterday all 12 grandchildren visited. Today they were in and out. So it’s not like there were 20 of us there. And we kept offering all day to give her some time with just her and Daddy but she didn’t want it. 🙄
Anyway, we compromised and my sister is staying. I’m in my house right next door and will be going down to give his morphine every couple of hours.
If you’re not familiar with my situation, please don’t think I’m unfeeling or bitchy about my mom. Just a couple of months ago I had to bring Daddy to my house for 2 weeks after she punched him. So I just wasn’t entirely okay with leaving her alone with him and a bottle of morphine.
He has been the best father, grandfather, man, nurse that anyone could hope to be. My brother reminded me yesterday of something about Daddy. He was a nurse for the department of corrections for over 25 years. And during the ‘80s when AIDS was first becoming known, people were terrified of being infected. AIDS patients were treated like lepers, and in the prison system they were doubly stigmatized. My dad would go in and take his gloves off, shake their hands and provide them with a compassionate human touch. He was such an example of everything it means to be a nurse.
And as a father, with our mom being mentally ill, he kept everything together at home. And there was never an activity or award presentation for me or my siblings that Daddy wasn’t there cheering us on. Not once. He was the band dad who went to all the football games and competitions.
I’m going to miss him forever. 
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 2:43 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I am so sorry you are going through this but relieved you have family close. You have been a wonderful daughter. Lots of hugs. Love you girl.
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 4:00 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I'm so sorry. He sounds like an amazing man and father.
Sending prayers for the difficult days ahead.
"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."
D-day April 2010
PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 5:24 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
Wishing your Dad peace. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 5:26 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
It's so hard to lose your daddy. He sounds like an amazing man. Hugs!
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 11:49 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
So sorry to hear of your dad’s health.
He has been the best father, grandfather, man, nurse that anyone could hope to be.
Those are the sentiments I feel regarding my dad. It’s been 8 years since he passed away. Maybe there is some healing in knowing that the pain is caused by what we miss and lost rather than regret for what we could have done.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:42 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
((((HFSSC)))))
No words. Just sending you prayer, peace, and hope that your loss will not be all consuming.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 1:59 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
((HFSSC))
I lost my dad last year. He was such a character, with so many varied interests, that I'm reminded of him every day.
Your father will stay with you. It will just take a little time to see how.
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 2:52 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I am so sorry HFSSC. Sending you positive thoughts and huge hugs. (((HFSSC)))
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:21 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
(((HFSSC and family))). My condolences.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
number4 ( member #62204) posted at 5:19 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
So sorry to read this. I know you will cherish these last days and hours, being able to give to him in a way he gave to others for so many years.
Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R
jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 8:30 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I'm so sorry to read this HFSSC. Prayers for you and your family.
Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:10 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I lost my dad 3 years ago last week. I miss him every single day in a thousand ways. But it has mellowed to a lovely longing now. I hope you find that peace some day, too.
Condolences to you and all your family. (((Hugs))) Your dad sounds like a wonderful man.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
NorthernMSB ( member #69725) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through it in January this year and all I can say is I wish your dad peace, and you and your family comfort. He sounds like an extraordinary man. I will be thinking of you.
Me: BW-54
Him-WH-58
Too many Ddays now to count, all with the same LTAP ex-girlfriend (or I guess current) except the brief fling November 2018-Christmas Eve 2018 with another ex-girlfriend
I'm tired
WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 11:07 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 11:18 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 11:30 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I'm so sorry, HFSSC.
Praying for comfort and strength.
I lost my dad yesterday, so I understand how you are feeling.
But you are what you did
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive
The smallest man who ever lived..
HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 11:31 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
Thank you all so much. He is gone. Peacefully. No pain. Could not ask for more.
And it’s gonna be okay. I know.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 11:47 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
I am sending the biggest, most ginormous, love filled hugs your way. I lost my dad 3 1/2 years ago. It hurts, but I know he is with me. Look for the signs.
Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.
DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 12:43 AM on Wednesday, October 27th, 2021
Im so sorry. (((((HFSSC)))))
Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.
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