longterm affair partner just messaged husband on Facebook
Holy Hell, Just need to get this out somewhere, and NOTHING has really happened yet but I'm freaking out. I actually have an Apple Watch reading of my resting heart rate going from a usual 56 to 107 in LITERALLY a second when I saw the name on the message.
My husband is at work and has no access to his phone until he is off. He found out yesterday that he would be staying an hour later from now on but would usually be carpooling home now. So she would have thought he was out of work and driving home when she sent it.
I was working and went on my own Facebook messenger to answer a message and saw my husband had one (I have access to it) and it was in the message request section. The message itself is a request that he return something she gave him like 20 years ago. (I threw it out after Day 3 , so Fuck off).
I guess I am freaking out because here is where the rubber meets the road. If he looks at it and answers her and does NOT tell me, then fuck, no where to go is there? I am actually shaking right now. why is this affecting me so much???
108 comments posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021
Is no sex normal?
This might be a TMI post but I am frustrated (in many ways).
WH and I are more in what I call accepting the facts of the situation rather than a full blown reconciliation. I would have certainly been onboard for a loving, mutually satisfying relationship if he had shown an iota of remorse beyond the sorry it hurt you but your x,y, and z behaviour “forced” me into cheating. But, I was willing to still have a marriage.
My issue is that we haven’t had sex in over two years. I’ve given him a bunch of blow jobs (sorry TMI) and there has really been nothing else. He is not interested. He still texts that he loves me when he is going to work. We don’t touch, kiss, hug, or anything. I’ve tried and I get what I classify as a mom kiss. A peck with pursed lips. Yuck.
First it was my fault, well always my fault really. I have body issues tracing back to eating disorders but am enthusiastic. If he made me the least bit comfortable about how I look without admiring body types I have no genetic or life stage chance of achieving ( think 20 somethings with very large boobs) I would even be thrilled to get naked. Then it was the fact my dad lived with us, then dad died and no change. Then it was the kids living here, they moved out.
So we don’t even sleep together anymore since dad died in January. He moved into dads old room. We are alone here, no privacy excuses. I kept trying and now I don’t anymore. He isn’t cheating anymore, just seems utterly uninterested.
Is this a 57 year old man thing? I am sad I will spend the rest of my life with no one touching me at all. No flirting. No affection. Just parallel lives. Is anyone else experiencing this? I maybe could see him being this distant if I was the one who cheated, maybe a little…but I didn’t do anything and am willing to move forward.
53 comments posted: Monday, July 12th, 2021
Neighbour arrested on Friday
So, I am blown away at how generally gross people are. I looked out the window on Friday and saw a whole fleet of vehicles parked on my street including a police cruiser. Didn't think much until we realized they ALL were law enforcement. Long story short they appeared to be investigating the house next door (we literally share a driveway). Lovely couple live there, we share snowplowing duties, general neighbour stuff. They are very nice and he works for the same company as my husband, different mining camp (he is gone two weeks home two). They have a gorgeous 2 year old daughter.
Anyway, he had just got home the night before at 11:30 pm and the cops showed up by 7:00am. The wife left with the daughter to go shopping or something. We watched them take his computer, and he came out to have a smoke cool as a cucumber talking about them going camping when their visitors left. Like so normal and calm and well normal. An hour later he was led out by 6 cops, hand cuffed. She came back about an hour later, we spoke to a cop in the interim who obviously didn't say what the deal was but did say he had to tell the wife, was waiting. She came out visibly shaking and crying and said she still didn't know what is going on.
So nothing in the papers. he came home yesterday, cool as a cucumber still with the wife and daughter, barbecued, etc, went camping. Normal normal. Showed up this morning, all three, really early.
THEN just came out in the paper with is name that he was charged with 2 counts of child porn possession and 1 count of making child porn available!!! YUCK!
How in ever loving HELL can she still be there with that beautiful little girl and look this guy in the face?? I would have NEVER thought this of him and am appalled at how good a liar he is. What the hell is wrong with people and how does a wife come back from THAT shit???
21 comments posted: Monday, May 17th, 2021
Spit my Coffee on my Computer
Ok...The powers that be can remove this if it isn't allowed and I would have posted it in off-topic, but it is infidelity related...I WISH I could have done something like this and certainly feel awful this lady went through this...but bravo. edited to add...this is not me, I just came across it in my local Facebook marketplace
So, you know when you’re engaged to be married and then suddenly your fiance starts spending a little too much time with her friend, Grant?
And you’re like, ‘Hey, it’s okay, Grant’s an ok guy.'
So then your fiancé starts not coming home at night because she and the girls (Grant) had a ‘wild one’ and she comes back walking a little bit like John Wayne at 4pm the next day and you think ‘Wow! It must have been a wild one since she can’t walk straight anymore. They must have had a lot of good, clean fun together.’
And you buy a house and a dog together because that’s what adults do and you sink yourself into ruin but that’s what you do when you’re in love, right?
And then your fiancé stops wanting to have sex with you despite the fact you have a great personality and an ass that Kim K would insure for 8million and you’re wondering what is wrong with you and why has she shaved her cooter tonight if not to spend the night with you?
In answer to all these questions, here I am.
The ring is beautiful. I mean, I picked it as I have great taste. But it just reminds me of ex's failure to not bang someone else, so I’d like to sell it so I can start my life again. I still have the box and documentation, as if subconsciously I knew I’d be in my pajamas alone in the middle of the afternoon on a Friday writing this tale on Facebook. I’m looking for money so I can renovate my cabin and with the cost of lumber now a days lumber is worth its weight in gold and diamonds.
1x 0.17ct Diamond
8x 0.01ct Diamonds
(total diamond weight.25ct)
Appraised and cleaned worth $1550
10x 0.01ct Diamonds
appraised and cleaned, worth $950
Basically, lots of sexy little diamonds.
And yes this post is a joke (sorta) Ring is for sale, ex thought she could get away with cheating , and here I am 4000+km away from her now and lumber is overpriced
The comments on the post are very supportive of the betrayed girlfriend.
[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 2:56 PM, April 2nd (Friday)]
9 comments posted: Friday, April 2nd, 2021
Bad day- Dday 3 anniversary
It is a bad day. Please save the 2x4s and recriminations about making the "wrong" choices with respect to my shitty marriage and cheating husband. I KNOW I shouldn't let it hurt anymore--detach, detach, detach--but it does. I know I should have slung his ass out 2 years ago today ( Dday 3 anniversary) and even on Christmas Eve 2018 (Dday 2) but I didn't due to reasons I already got into in other posts.
Today I am so so sad and just can't explain the feeling of failure and loss that I have spent 23 years with someone who blames me for everything and has no compassion, or even a shred of remorse for his actions. He just told me he is a GREAT guy and literally went back 23 years to tell me my flaws and crimes against him. Found out today a little piece of previously untold information that his cheating started while we were actually dating still. Nice to know. AND insult to injury called my lovely wiggly bundle of 15 week old black lab joy a "fucking dog." THAT is not forgivable.
I am the example of someone who settles in limbo and becomes small. I am a cautionary tale in this infidelity site of someone who failed but apparently that is the very least of my flaws. Today is just a bad day and honestly, I have zero people in my life to talk to besides this board of strangers and my dogs. My husband would say that is because I am awful and too useless for people to be friends with me.
I don't know why I'm posting except maybe because it hurts too much to contain it.
9 comments posted: Sunday, March 21st, 2021
Need a little input
Do you ever just get tired. I am not really reconciled or anything, kind of in limbo with most real feelings stripped out.
I don't police my WH stuff in any real way after 2 years, I will look at his phone with a passing interest every once in a while because honestly, if he wanted to get down and dirty sexting again then he could easily hide it.
We don't really have sex or anything anymore. He is not remotely interested in me. Not this year anyway, maybe 10 times last year. Last month he moved into my dad's old room (dad died end of January). Apparently the other bed, as opposed to our bed makes his back feel better. Whatever.
Anyway...here is what is bothering me. My husband did most of his cheating hot and heavy through Facebook and iPhone messaging. Like tens of thousands of messages. He has my iTunes account as the one handling purchases etc on his phone. A week ago I got a notification of some type, can't remember and at the time it didn't throw up a flag, that his instagram had been started up again with a new password.
I looked on his phone at some point soon after that and there it was on the third page, newly installed again. Took a quick look, lots of workout stuff and forgot about it.
On his phone today in the car texting my son (I didn't bring mine on our quick errand) and noticed that the Instagram app wasn't on the home screens anymore. I swiped all the way to installed apps and it was hidden. Went on it, turning the screen in cheater style so he couldn't see it while he was driving and looked. Amongst the workout stuff were about 10 young ladies in "Reels" I am not on instagram and don't know what this is but super inappropriate age and look. Nothing naked but certainly alluring.
He looked over, obviously saw the scrolling pics and kind of panicky asked me what I was looking at, I dropped out of instagram and showed him the Pinterest screen. Then later at home he asked if I was on his instagram. I said sure. He said why. I answered I was bored while he was spraying off the car at the car wash. And then I ignored him.
So, what to think? This is a new development. If it is a development. And I don't know what "Reels" is on instagram and if they are random or like all other social media things come up as suggestions when you search one. Any thoughts?
This isn't a catastrophic thing but I would like to know if it is anything at all. No. Can't ask him, I don't have the patience or time for the tantrum that would ensue with my "accusation."
22 comments posted: Tuesday, March 16th, 2021
Dad is dying today
I have posted here before that my dad lives with me and he has end stage cancer. Well, it has taken a very nasty turn and I have been sitting in the hospital since Monday in hospice with him.
He decided to have a medically assisted end of life today at 10:30; four and a half hours from now. I have been up all night basically sitting vigil while he sleeps. Well, have not been sleeping much all week. I agree 100 percent with his decision; what is happening to him is catastrophic and I watched my mother suffer through to the bitter end 14 years ago from lung cancer. It is time and a blessing.
but I am panicking. It is strange having a date and time attached to your father dying. I just need to get through it. because of Covid I have been alone and grateful they have allowed me in at all. If you have a few kind thoughts to spare, pray to whatever God you believe in that I can keep it together a little longer.
31 comments posted: Friday, January 22nd, 2021
Blindsided by a Trigger
Things are okay. I don't feel as damaged anymore by the whole infidelity experience, it has been 18 months since Dday 3. On the whole as long as I never mention anything about his cheating, we tick along relatively conflict free.
This morning my husband threw me his phone to show me a video on Facebook and I hit the screen accidentally when I caught it and the timeline scrolled up to a memory from 5 years ago his sister posted today of my husband receiving a hall of fame award for college sports exploits 30 years earlier.
The intense nausea inducing wave of absolute hatred I felt towards him seeing that picture has ruined my day. He drove down 5 hours to get the award, convinced my sons and I not to come, and stopped at the LTA OW's house on the way home (she lives exactly halfway between where we are now and where we used to live). He showed her the award first and claims he stopped for a short time. That is one of the visits I am sure he fucked her but of course he still maintains they never did at all in the 20 years of foreplay and I love yous.
He says he kissed her on the cheek and gave her a friendly hug when he left. Either way, seeing that picture makes me sick. I still feel sick and God I still hate him. I wish I could say to him what I am feeling but he gets angry and says "are you starting with that again" whenever I try to explain. Not worth the stress.
9 comments posted: Saturday, October 3rd, 2020