Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
Divorcing, Moving Across the Country, New Job - so much change!

default

jujuchrist ( New Member #78594) posted at 6:35 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Do you want your dog to become Mark's dog?

No?

Then,take the dog.

Don't tell her. Just take the dog and leave. And block her on the phone or anywhere else.

If she tries to contact you, then tell her to go to hell with Mark. Just keep the dog you love.

Julien

posts: 40   ·   registered: Apr. 1st, 2021   ·   location: Marseille, France
id 8678351
default

DragnHeart ( Member #32122) posted at 7:02 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Oh yeah take the dog for sure!!!

Sorry if you've answered this but is the house going up for sale to be divided between you in the divorce?

She shouldn't be bringing anyone into a home that is half yours.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 21880   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8678354
default

Pandora16 ( Member #56906) posted at 7:27 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Another vote here to say TAKE THE DOG!!!!!

And as a betrayed wife whose ex left 95% of everything behind (I think he only took what he did because I boxed up a ton of his crap and left it in the garage), it was a royal pain for me to have to dispose of his garbage when I sold the house. I filled dumpsters with his shit. Let her deal with whatever you leave behind.

But the dog should go with you.

[This message edited by Pandora16 at 1:29 PM, July 25th (Sunday)]

D-Day #1 12/8/16 (ILYBINILWY), D-Day #2 12/17/16 (admitted to affair)

Divorced: 10/24/17
Married 20 years, together 24, 1 young adult son

posts: 251   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8678357
default

clouds777 ( Member #72442) posted at 9:41 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Another vote for leave asap with no notice and no goodbye, take your personal stuff and the dog. Leave the rest and block her.

This is who she is. She knows she is hurting you and doesn't care. I'm so glad you don't have children with this toxic person.

posts: 126   ·   registered: Jan. 1st, 2020
id 8678377
default

guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 9:57 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Regarding the goods; take what belongs to you, give what you don't want to take with you to those in need or to a charity, throw away the rest, a bonfire wouldn't be bad either.

Leave the gifts she gave you, ask for the ones that are valuable to you from the gifts you give, leave the rest to her or take them and use to liven up the bonfire, it doesn't matter.

Regarding the dog; if you want the dog, tell it your WW, if she doesn't accept, at least don't tell that you will leave to her, consult your lawyer, if there is no legal problem, leave your WW without saying goodbye and take the dog with you, block her on phone. When she comes home and can't find you, she will definitely ask for the dog by message. Reply with "You got yours" and no contact after that.

posts: 477   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8678380
default

BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 10:04 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Regarding the goods; take what belongs to you, give what you don't want to take with you to those in need or to a charity, throw away the rest, a bonfire wouldn't be bad either.

Leave the gifts she gave you, ask for the ones that are valuable to you from the gifts you give, leave the rest to her or take them and use to liven up the bonfire, it doesn't matter.

Regarding the dog; if you want the dog, tell it your WW, if she doesn't accept, at least don't tell that you will leave to her, consult your lawyer, if there is no legal problem, leave your WW without saying goodbye and take the dog with you, block her on phone.

This ^^^^^^

If you're feeling spiteful, on the day you leave (without telling your STBXW) you could always leave a banner at the apartment that says "Hey Mark, go F--- Yourself".

posts: 217   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8678381
default

balbichi ( New Member #78736) posted at 10:35 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

So many people have told you repeatedly to leave the house ASAP. you must be a glutton for punishment!! Next thing your are going to see your ex wife and the other guy making out/having sex. I am sure thats going to do wonder for your mental health.

posts: 7   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2021
id 8678382
default

J707 ( Member #63778) posted at 11:00 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

I did a little research on you taking the dog. While she could sue you in court (you can sue for just about anything) she isn't going to. She won't waste the time or money. I doubt she cares about the dog.

Some people put "dog custody" in their agreements. But if this hasn't come up or brought this up as of yet, I'm sure she hasn't thought about it. Take the dog!

Also, knowing how these waywards are in her current state of mind, she doesn't want the dog because she has her little bitch Mark. Use that to your advantage. She's in fantasyland. You have a new job and are moving. The dog will be best with you and will help you during these difficult times. Dogs give unconditional love!

posts: 1104   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Ca
id 8678384
cool1

Aletheia ( Member #79172) posted at 3:30 AM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Dip like a ninja with your dog. She’s stolen enough.

[This message edited by Aletheia at 9:35 PM, July 25th (Sunday)]

Your best must be just as glorious as your betrayal was destructive.

Don’t allow people to “Life is short” you to amend bad relationships. Forgiveness /= reconciliation. Leave them people where they are. Life was short when they did what they did.

posts: 183   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2021   ·   location: Everywhere & nowhere
id 8678415
default

BeyondRage ( Member #71328) posted at 4:40 AM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Take the dog !!!!! If this OM ain’t crazy about dogs she will dump it in a shelter. And don’t think she won’t . Look what she did to you

In most states animals are personal property . You really think she’s gonna hire legal means to track the dog down across the country ?

Don’t tell her shit . Take him or her and leave

Me- 49M
WW- 48F
Kids- 23,21,20,18 all female
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=640592

posts: 476   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2019   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8678427
default

Notsure123 ( New Member #71460) posted at 1:17 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Hi

As a lawyer, you know what the legal ramifications of taking the dog will be. I know that most people here are urging you to take the dog and I understand why. I would ask you to consider this; IMO whether your WW loves the dog is beside the point. You want to sever all ties to this woman ASAP. Taking the dog is likely to prolong that. Given what an absolute shit she is, she will probably try her best to cause some kind of trouble for you over it. Whether she prevails or not can be up for debate but it will keep her in your life. Don’t forget that this POS AP will also have her ear possibly egging her on.

As heartbreaking as it would be to leave the dog behind, it may be better for you in the long run to do so.

posts: 26   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2019
id 8678467
default

TheWrongOne ( Member #78753) posted at 8:10 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

So sorry you are going through this. Treat her with as much indifference as you can muster. 180, 180, 180!

posts: 177   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8678595
default

HellFire ( Member #59305) posted at 8:36 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Take the dog. Tell her if she wants to make the dog an issue, then you will make sure the truth about her affair is exposed to everyone. Her family and friends, colleagues,his family etc.

No email. No text. No message. Put the dog in the car,and tell her. Then leave.

The dog deserves better than her, and Mark.

posts: 3706   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8678603
default

BluerThanBlue ( Member #74855) posted at 9:12 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Ask yourself honestly: Is the dog worth all the emotional, financial, and legal strain it may cost you to keep it?

If your answer to that question is >90% yes, then take the dog.

If it's less than that or if you feel in anyway ambivalent, than leave the dog with your ex and get a new dog with no attachment to your ex when you're divorced and comfortably established elsewhere.

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 474   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8678614
default

annb ( Member #22386) posted at 9:18 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

I'm going to repeat my earlier post.

Please take the dog.

I volunteered at an animal shelter for several years, the excuses people used for dumping their precious pets was heart wrenching...new baby, moving, husband doesn't want the dog, the dog barks, getting married, I don't have time for the dog, it's too expensive, the dog ate my slipper, the dog peed on the rug, the cat scratched my kid...you name it, and these poor animals watching their owners leave them behind was even more heartbreaking.

Your soon to be ex-wife has Mark as her priority, please don't leave the dog behind.

[This message edited by annb at 3:18 PM, July 26th (Monday)]

posts: 11257   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8678615
default

 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 11:48 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Sorry for the late reply. Been busy with so much going on and so many changes happening at the same time. This has turned into a thread of folks urging me to take the dog with me.

I get it; I understand; I appreciate the care and the thoughtfulness you all have about my dog. I love him and care about him too. She knows I want the dog. I made that abundantly clear. I wanted to have a discussion about it. She refused - she flat out said, "You're not taking him." I tried to continue the discussion; it wouldn't happen. I knew this was going to be the sticking point, the thing that we would have to bitterly fight over. It is painful. It sucks. You all can tell me that I'm a doormat, that I'm weak, that I'm letting her walk all over me...I've been told all that and more.

Unfortunately, I think people forget that my STBXW is a lawyer too. Mark is a lawyer too. The pet custody clause of the separation agreement was the first clause unique to our situation and dissolution that was drafted beyond the boilerplate/default language.

I was, however, able to negotiate the inclusion of phraseology that will help protect him. It requires her to (1) hand custody of the dog over to me in the event she gets overwhelmed, cannot take care of him how he needs to be taken care of, or ultimately decides he'd be better off with me; (2) keep me informed as to the status of his microchip and the number/login information to track it. I get to have my name and contact info registered on it as well - therefore, if she ever just ups and leaves him at a shelter or dumps him somewhere, I will be notified and can immediately come get him.

Ultimately, I think that what I need right now and what is best for me right now is a clean break. I am taking only my clothes, books, some personal items, etc. I wish that meant I could take the dog. Unfortunately, I think the emotional/legal/financial and mental strain it would place on me is too much. I wish I could say that I would do anything for this dog; but this is just too hard. Regardless of my love for him, every day would be a reminder of her and her betrayal. Knowing her, she'd constantly badger me for pictures and videos of him. I'd never be able to cleanly cut her from my life if I still had the dog.

I figure I can move, get settled, and adopt a new dog that is in need of a good home. He or she will become my best friend and I will love them with my whole heart, because I will be able to heal and move on from dedicating so much of my heart to a woman who threw it all away.

[This message edited by CheesecakeBaker at 5:52 PM, July 26th (Monday)]

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8678677
default

stubbornft ( Member #49614) posted at 11:52 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

CheesecakeBaker you're doing great, as you have been! So smart to put the clause in that she can't get rid of the dog unless she offers him to you first. And you can get a new dog when you settle in. Of course you love your dog. But if he is safe where he is, then it sounds like a good choice. I am rooting for you and proud of all you have gotten done in such a short time. Keep looking forward, you are doing really well.

Me: BS 40
Him: WS 51
He cheated with massage parlor sex workers
Dday 01/19/2021

posts: 801   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8678678
default

Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 1:11 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

I think you are correct. Out with the old in with the new.

You have much work to do on yourself. Your life can be a lot better when you figure out it’s going to be what you make it.

Other people only have control over you if you allow it.

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8678710
default

J707 ( Member #63778) posted at 1:47 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

Good clause to have in the agreement. I was thinking about the dog situation and the many comments, mine included. Not truly knowing everything that was said or talked about between both parties.

I know you're tired and exhausted. The mental mindfucks of all this. But your plan is solid, I'm impressed! Get your belongings in order and stay the path. The healing will take time. I hated that word at the beginning. You'll be surprised how a new change of environment, people helping you along this journey and her not around will benefit you in your life. Change can be scary while abruptly thrown into it but you will be ok, just as many before you are now that walked this line.

posts: 1104   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Ca
id 8678716
default

Aletheia ( Member #79172) posted at 2:05 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

Skimmed/forgot there is a pet clause in the separation agreement :( You’ve made the best decision. Cut as many strings & purge all remnants of her. Clean break. You know he’ll be well treated. You’ll be able to give another dog in need a good home.

You’re not a doormat nor weak. Quite contrary. You ensured safeguards are in place in the rare possibility she abandons him. IMO took decisive action to advance with your self respect.

Your best must be just as glorious as your betrayal was destructive.

Don’t allow people to “Life is short” you to amend bad relationships. Forgiveness /= reconciliation. Leave them people where they are. Life was short when they did what they did.

posts: 183   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2021   ·   location: Everywhere & nowhere
id 8678720
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210918 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy