Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
Divorcing, Moving Across the Country, New Job - so much change!

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LostInHisFog ( Member #78503) posted at 3:07 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

You’re not a doormat or weak, far far far from it. You’ve been presented with your mountain and have chosen to step off it to live a new day, it was no worth fighting for or dying on, that is not weak, that’s incredibly knowledgeable of your self worth and values.

I think your future plan of adopting a new dog is beautiful.

I edit because I'm fluent in typo & autocorrect hates me.

posts: 151   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2021
id 8678735
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 4:22 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

Did you have a request for respect for not bringing Mark to your house as long as you live there?

posts: 477   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8678754
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BluerThanBlue ( Member #74855) posted at 4:27 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

I don't think you're weak for not fighting tooth and nail over the dog; in fact, I think it makes you strong and sensible to wisely know which battles are worth fighting and which course of action is best for your long-term healing.

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 474   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8678757
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 11:43 AM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

I agree about the dog. He is an emotional baggage. If you take him with you, your STBXW will have an excuse to contact or visit you.
Enjoy your trip home!

All the best!

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8678792
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 12:25 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

Give a shit that she is a lawyer, same as her shit head AP.

Take the dog.

Do you really think she will ever contact you and admit that she is overwhelmed?

She cares only for what she can keep. Take the lot!

She is just treating you as the dog in this divorce.

One day at a time.

[This message edited by Buffer at 6:27 AM, July 27th (Tuesday)]

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8678798
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neveragain2929 ( New Member #76096) posted at 3:59 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

Cheesecake Baker,

you are doing the right thing as someone that has walked away and left everything to start over it will be easier for a clean break in the long run.

As for the dog, you are a lawyer and as such your entire life resolves around contracts. What people are not realizing is You signed a settlement contract. If you were to take the dog now that would go against every moral you have and believe in as a Lawyer.

It will take time to heal but you will heal over time and space.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Jan. 4th, 2021
id 8678847
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Wanttobebetter ( Member #72484) posted at 6:40 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

OP

Walking away from a cheating spouse hardly make you weak nor a doormat in my book. Browse around and you will find many BS having hard time deciding to leave due to many different reasons.

Consider yourself lucky. Imagine you have kids with her, how messy that custody battle will look like. Look at this as you offload a cheating wife to the AP and let him deal with her character flaws, the cheating that will inevitably be coming to him in due time.

You got this and the future is bright.

posts: 138   ·   registered: Jan. 6th, 2020
id 8678926
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TheWrongOne ( Member #78753) posted at 7:33 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

You are not weak or a doormat. As painful as it is, you need to leave the dog and make a clean break as some others have said. Really, keeping any momentos of your time with her will just bring more pain. You have been given an amazing opportunity to completely restart and reshape your life. Look at this move with hope and enthusiasm for the future. You are wiser now, and you will know what signs and red flags to look for in any future relationships you may get into.

posts: 177   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8678947
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 10:06 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

Thanks for the kind words. Giving up the dog is one of the hardest things I have had to do. But I am enjoying my last few days with him and giving him lots of love, cuddles, and play time!

I did send STBXW a short text stating that I would expect her to not allow Mark in the home while I am still living there. She agreed.

I am feeling about as good as a person can be going through this shitty situation. A few weeks ago, I felt like I was truly at "rock bottom". Didn't think I could get any lower than where I was at.

Now? I'm not at rock bottom. I am starting the upward climb to a better, brighter place. It is going to be a long, slow, arduous process I am sure. But something a friend told me that really hit me hard and has helped me a lot today:

"She is not the prize here. YOU ARE. She is the one who is losing. She manipulated you and used you. You had the brains to realize it sooner than most and you had the courage and strength to resolve to get out of a painful situation. Soon, you'll be out of an emotional abyss and in the real world, finding yourself and finding true, real love."

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8678995
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 12:07 AM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

She is not the prize here. YOU ARE.

This is actually true. You are the catch and she replaced you with a player. They're both players! One of these days, she'll have an AHA! moment when she realizes that she missed out on a good man! She'll wake up soon enough, but you'll be long gone and there's no way out for her. That's for sure!

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8679029
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Notsure123 ( New Member #71460) posted at 12:12 AM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

I think you are doing the right thing. I wish you all the happiness in your new beginning.

posts: 26   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2019
id 8679033
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 1:08 AM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

Well said. Good luck moving forward from this shit show.

I didn’t know of a signed settlement.

My apologies for the “take the dog” comments.

Send her any security pics of Mark at the house from now on.

One day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8679063
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TheWrongOne ( Member #78753) posted at 3:17 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

CCB, when you get to your new city and eventually in your own digs, do your best to make your new apartment or house the most awesome mancave on the planet.

Massive LED TV with theater system

Leather furniture

A well stocked wet bar

Weights and a treadmill

Customized closets

Great big old king size bed

Popcorn Machine

Paintings of nude women

Just some ideas.

posts: 177   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8679192
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 5:22 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

@TheWrongOne

GREAT IDEA!!

I am very excited to decorate and make my new place totally MINE.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8679226
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WontBeFooledAgai ( Member #72671) posted at 6:55 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

CheeseCakeBaker,

Just want to say that I have been following your story and rooting for you. Well done in dealing with the nasty hand you were dealt and moving on like a champ.

posts: 287   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2020
id 8679243
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KingofNothing ( Member #71775) posted at 7:59 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

GREAT IDEA!!

I am very excited to decorate and make my new place totally MINE.

You'd be amazed how this helps exorcise the demons. My main floor looks pretty prosaic, maybe not as girly as it once was (non of the faux Amish kitsch that I secretly loathed), but the basement, there is where KingofNothing reigns supreme. Mega large monitor custom speed demon computer my son built for me. 3D printer. Audio recording equipment. Digital video camera. A hobby bench for painting miniatures. a game table for RPG nights. It's all mine, I tell you! MINNNNE! (cackling).

Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
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“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill

BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place

posts: 769   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2019   ·   location: East Coast USA
id 8679264
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 4:10 AM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

The one thing is after you’ve purged everything and the D is final. BLOCK HER ON ALL FORMS OF COMMUNICATION.

There is no reason to leave that door cracked.

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8679375
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 10:47 AM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

I agree with Marz. In fact, block her on your social media accounts now and unfollow her too. You can also change your status from married, no need to wait for official decision.

Arrange not only your new house but also your new life the way you want. Don't try to change for others, don't expect someone else to change for you. Be with people who love you and your lifestyle the way it is and vice versa.

posts: 477   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8679420
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lparistotle ( New Member #78629) posted at 11:03 AM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

My biggest question if Mark is so wonderful why does she not go live with him. Why does he need to come to your home while you are still living there? She clearly has no boundaries or respect. Once you leave tell he "Loose my number". Never call me again. Only thing we have to take care of is the dissolution of this farce of a marriage.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2021   ·   location: US
id 8679422
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lparistotle ( New Member #78629) posted at 11:03 AM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

My biggest question if Mark is so wonderful why does she not go live with him. Why does he need to come to your home while you are still living there? She clearly has no boundaries or respect. Once you leave tell he "Loose my number". Never call me again. Only thing we have to take care of is the dissolution of this farce of a marriage.

posts: 6   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2021   ·   location: US
id 8679423
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