Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
Divorcing, Moving Across the Country, New Job - so much change!

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Jeaniegirl ( Member #6370) posted at 1:23 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

That is wonderful news that you have already found a new fur baby friend.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 2839   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8681385
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 2:00 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Nice! You're homeward bound and with a new dog!
Your ex deserves every bit of shame that's coming her way! That's for sure! The show is just starting! Expect more to come and she may come back crawling on all fours begging for you.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8681395
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Aletheia ( Member #79172) posted at 2:05 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Congratulations on the new baby CB!!

As soon as you got away from that succubus things are already working out so well for you 😊 STBXW prolly thought she could pretend she met AH after the divorce or something similar. Love the way it came out to her parents, genuinely. Please post pics of your baby once you have her ♥️

Your best must be just as glorious as your betrayal was destructive.

Don’t allow people to “Life is short” you to amend bad relationships. Forgiveness /= reconciliation. Leave them people where they are. Life was short when they did what they did.

posts: 183   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2021   ·   location: Everywhere & nowhere
id 8681397
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thatbpguy ( Member #58540) posted at 2:35 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

CB, loved the way you handled the in-laws. Fairly. Congrats on the new pup. I love dogs and that breed (even in a mix) is awesome. Continue to be good to yourself and ghost the STBXW.

ME: BHHer: WWDDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I leftDivorcedRemarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4451   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8681402
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J707 ( Member #63778) posted at 2:53 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Awesome dog story! Sometimes things line up at the right time. I rescued my dog during my D process.

As for the stbxww, just as you did, no response is needed. She'll probably say to her parents that it was only a separation but you were mean and Mark was there for her in these stressful times. So now divorce was the only option. Or some asinine bullshit story. As you know, her wayward mind is in self protection mode. Nobody wants to be the villain in their own story. Doesn't matter. Not your deal. Continue with no contact, only divorce talk if needed.

Enjoy your trip! Enjoy getting to know the new dog! You will have ups and downs during this process but you will survive! Just as her actions spoke louder than words, YOUR actions of taking control of your life are speaking louder than words!

Btw, I'm not sure what baseball games you went to but... Go Giants!!!

posts: 1104   ·   registered: May. 14th, 2018   ·   location: Ca
id 8681408
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Jeaniegirl ( Member #6370) posted at 4:07 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

It's almost funny how we all jumped on the band wagon about your dog. One thing about SI, we are animal lovers! Happy to hear you will be getting a new best friend. There are so many puppies and kitties out there, waiting on someone to love them.

Glad you are enjoying your cross-country drive. I absolutely love road-tripping and have missed that more than anything (other than missing relatives) .. during the pandemic.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 2839   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8681505
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 5:40 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Honestly: I cannot believe how helpful and healing this road trip has been for me. I really needed it.

Fresh mountain air, good food, good music. Hiking, eating, drinking. GHOSTING my STBXW. It’s all been so great and a nice way to really “kick-off” my healing process.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8681519
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WontBeFooledAgai ( Member #72671) posted at 5:56 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Your WW has been caught in quite a lie with her parents. How is she going to fit Mark into her narrative of 'just separating for a bit'. For an attorney she sure made some silly moves!

I am glad to hear that you are enjoying yourself CCB!

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 1:45 PM, August 5th (Thursday)]

posts: 287   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2020
id 8681523
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src9043 ( Member #75367) posted at 9:21 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Awesome start to your new life! You will do great. Good luck with your new pooch.

posts: 413   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8681602
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Cooley2here ( Member #62939) posted at 1:02 AM on Friday, August 6th, 2021

When you get settled pop back on here to let us ‘now how things are going.

Be safe.

To thine own self be true. Shakespeare

posts: 2905   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8681678
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MickeyBill2016 ( Member #56459) posted at 3:01 AM on Friday, August 6th, 2021

Happy that I can have a new four-legged, furry buddy to share my life with. This is the best

.

Hey who is cutting onions in here!

9 years married.
13 years divorced.

posts: 1176   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2016   ·   location: West of the 405 North of the Mexican border
id 8681700
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thatbpguy ( Member #58540) posted at 4:16 AM on Friday, August 6th, 2021

Hey CB, maybe you'll turn into a van dweller. Cool life.

ME: BHHer: WWDDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I leftDivorcedRemarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4451   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8681712
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Robert22205https ( Member #65547) posted at 2:54 PM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

Your wife is a train wreck in progress. And it's tempting and feels good to watch.

However, I suggest you discontinue reading her messages (as well as not responding).
Any official communication can go through your attorney or indirectly through a mutual acquaintance.

The girl you married no longer exists. This woman is not your wife in any practical/functional sense of the word (and is no longer your concern).

Why? because it serves no purpose other than to keep you connected to her.

Put her and the bad memories behind you. Start your new life with a clean break (including inlaws).

You don't need anyone reaching out to you in an attempt to guilt you into giving an abuser a second chance with: "if you loved her you'd give her a second chance".

posts: 2409   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8682090
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 3:45 PM on Saturday, August 7th, 2021

What you’ve found out and are seeing is you never needed your cheating stbxw. She was just a want.

Once she stepped out there was no marriage to salvage.

I cringe whenever I hear “I’m fighting for my marriage “. It’s the wayward that should be doing the work. If not you are wasting your time and effort. They aren’t worth fighting for.

[This message edited by Marz at 9:46 AM, August 7th (Saturday)]

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8682094
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 4:33 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

I have arrived safely at my parents’ house. I know this is the right choice for me at this stage in my life.

I have not spoken to my STBXW for a full week and it has almost been a full week since I left! I am proud of myself. Some days (ok, most days) I find myself thinking of her often. Is she thinking about me? Is she feeling guilty? Sad? Upset? Angry? Annoyed at me for leaving? Is she just fucking Mark all the time and having the time of her life and not giving two shits about me? I hate these fleeting thoughts. They don’t drive me to want to contact her…but I do sit and wonder if/when she will text me. Not because I want to talk to her; but to know that she is thinking of me. To know that I had an impact on her and that she is devastated and remorseful. I doubt I’ll get it. But it also sucks to feel like the person I devoted so much of my life, time, and energy to seemingly didn’t care about me as much as I thought.

I am lucky to have the support of my family. They are all happy to help as much as I need them to - but they are also willing to just let me do my own thing and give me space as I need it. I am

I am starting my new job tomorrow and am having that anxious-excited feeling…Nervous about diving into a semi-new field of law; nervous about getting to know new co-workers and "fitting it"; nervous about making a good first impression; just…nervous.

I’m already looking at apartments for myself (and my new dog!) Looking to find a good place where I can be safe and happy and feel comfortable. I think I actually already found a good place - I will be going to tour it this week and, if I like it, maybe put a deposit down but not move in until the end of September or so. I think having some breathing room right now would be good for me…but I would like to know that I have a place that can be my own soon. I am excited to shop for and buy all new furniture just for me too!

My sister and I are going to go on a "brother-sister date night" this Friday. And she and I are going to go bar-hopping afterwards and have fun. She has a bunch of friends my age that she wants me to meet. Saturday, we are going to go hiking together. It feels good to be around people who also desire to be around me! She also offered to help take some good looking pictures of me - for use on online dating apps in the near-future - since all the photos I have either are of me and my STBXW or me and my old dog.

I did a ton of shopping; bought sharp new clothes. Got a haircut. I feel good. I am - despite the nerves and anxiety - actually excited about my future for once. I can’t remember feeling this way in the last six months. I was dreading getting out of bed every day, devastated by what I would feel or discover about my STBXW, or how she would treat me, neglect me, or ignore me in favor of some other dude she decided to pursue. It is so validating to be around my family and close friends who are totally on my side. Even my STBXW’s parents are on my side, it seems!

After months of feeling like I was at rock bottom, I feel like I am finally standing on my own two feet, ready to begin climbing up towards the light.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8682297
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Stevesn ( Member #58312) posted at 5:26 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

Bravo. You’ve done well and I wish you good luck w your new life.

It’s so hard when someone you loved decides she loves someone else more and devotes themselves to them and not you, a committed partner.

But you had no control over that and therefore you took the only path you could.

Someday she may wake up from this illusion and realize what she let go. Who knows she may decide to move across country and pursue you. In the unlikely event that happens I hope you have by then full moved on and found a new life w new love and can easily send her on her way.

My thoughts are with you.

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3166   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8682309
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HeartFullOfHoles ( Member #42874) posted at 6:00 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

I hope your first week at the new job goes spectacular.

It takes time to disconnect so thinking about what should have been is very common. Unfortunately what should have been was blown out of the water by your WW. She's likely using Mark to alleviate her pain so not your concern anymore. Don't date too soon, it can feel great for the ego, but often woman who are willing to date a man who is still divorcing and not fully healed are not the best for a long term relationship.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8682319
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Aletheia ( Member #79172) posted at 6:05 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

CB! - Thanks for the update. Glad you’ve made it home safely. And that you’re feeling so much better! You really handled everything pretty flawlessly relatively speaking. With dignity. You have many things & new experiences to look forward to you’re really doing excellently! The thoughts you have about STBXW are natural. Those thoughts will fade more & more as time passes. Good luck on your first day at the new job 😊 Let us know how it goes.

Your best must be just as glorious as your betrayal was destructive.

Don’t allow people to “Life is short” you to amend bad relationships. Forgiveness /= reconciliation. Leave them people where they are. Life was short when they did what they did.

posts: 183   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2021   ·   location: Everywhere & nowhere
id 8682320
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 8:31 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

You had a wonderful week. Hopefully you'll enjoy your new job.

I believe you'll heal up faster if you totally block her from your life. You can send out a final message then tell her all your communications moving forward will be through your lawyer.

Just my 2 cents.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8682324
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Tigersrule77 ( Member #47339) posted at 2:30 PM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

I'm glad to hear that you are in a good place and looking forward to your BRIGHT future. Good luck to you and your pup

posts: 1511   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8682345
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