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Newest Member: 39Robbo

Divorce/Separation :
Divorcing, Moving Across the Country, New Job - so much change!

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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 1:42 AM on Saturday, December 11th, 2021

Her kibble bowl is empty, so she needs a new source of attention. Neg or pos, makes no difference to her. She's like the turd that won't flush in a low flow toilet... laugh

Me:53STBXWW:51DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off.Denied having an affair in court papers.

posts: 1184   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8703582
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fareast ( Guide #61555) posted at 4:12 AM on Saturday, December 11th, 2021

CCB:

It sounds overall like you are on a good path. Keep it up. Your anger is to be expected. But it will pass with time. When you feel too consumed with the anger take time to focus on all of the positives in your current life. You’ve got a lot going for you and a terrific future.

Your EX as you described her is a terribly entitled and self absorbed person. Whatever her positive attributes, when it comes right down to it she only cares about doing what she wants, and if others get hurt by her actions, too bad. You described her friends giving her a heads up that she was heading in the wrong direction with the AP. She didn’t care. She never talked to you. It didn’t matter that she was married. She went ahead and destroyed her M for selfish reasons.

So now she sends you a text out of the blue. Why? Because she wanted to. No ulterior motive. She figures you used to want to hear from her all the time, and you still do. Because she is just that wonderful. Who could resist.

Good idea to block her on all media. There are potential partners out there who are not that shallow, self-absorbed, selfish, or entitled as your EX. Good luck.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 2948   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8703605
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LostInHisFog ( member #78503) posted at 12:48 PM on Saturday, December 11th, 2021

Ugh!

Either she is just that self centred or she is hoovering either way well done maintaining NC!

I think I remember reading on your first thread some other BHs warning you, before your D was final, to be cautious of a WW attempts at trying to be friends after the dust settles. apparently the MO of the entitled selfish WW who tries the friend tactic to show the world that she is still the good guy because if she was the bad guy you wouldn’t be friends, IDK paraphrasing a bit but it’s eerily coincidental that after a bit of time she randomly texts you like a friend would. Pretty cringe worthy she is that self absorbed.

So sorry to hear about having to take the exam again at least when you pass it’s another giant step towards a new future.

Ask the folks if they want some homemade bread and take your aggression out on kneading some dough? Luckily the anger passes and it’s definitely one of the better emotions to manage (hikes are fantastic because you can stomp away and still accomplish goals), hopefully you’ll find yourself in a more energetic phase after it, personally anger was one of the last ‘all consuming’ emotions I went through before things started to normalise more and even excitement and dare I say happiness started the creep back into my life 🤞🤞🤞

I edit because I'm fluent in typo & autocorrect hates me.

posts: 265   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2021
id 8703642
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longsadstory1952 ( member #29048) posted at 4:50 AM on Sunday, December 12th, 2021

Here is what is happening. She didn’t want to creep back in. She isn’t looking to apologize. She wants one thing and one thing only from you. Approval. If you respond back with chatty stuff she will take that as you are fine. You are giving her the .Good Housekeeping seal of approval so she can say that she did the right thing. "See. Everything worked out for the best." She will wave your chats around like a flag. "oh. I heard from my ex. He is doing great."

Look. Your first post was five months ago. Three months ago she told you she loved another. Two months ago you were divorced. She mouthed words about just separating and how you were going too fast. But she did nothing except lie. So of course you are reeling. It’s normal.

The one thing everyone with a pulse told you to do was block her. If I have this right, this is not the first time she has reached out with trivia. And you go into a spiral.

So instead of ignoring the post, and waiting for the next text, do this. Text her back the following: ‘Fuck off." Then block her in every way forever. You will feel great in the short term and in the long term she will fade into a distant memory. You owe this to yourself.

posts: 1096   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2010
id 8703742
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Repossessed ( member #79544) posted at 11:20 PM on Sunday, December 12th, 2021

do this. Text her back the following: ‘Fuck off." Then block her in every way forever. You will feel great in the short term and in the long term she will fade into a distant memory. You owe this to yourself.


Ah, the beauty of effective simplicity. This really does address short and long term psyche self care.

Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.

posts: 122   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2021   ·   location: Chicagoland
id 8703813
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 12:34 AM on Monday, December 13th, 2021

Desire to express anger is very understandable, but No Contact is the best.

Cheaters know their guilt, even if they don't seem to admit it.
The fact that what they have done has not been punished causes some to feel uncomfortable with their conscience.
The punishment I'm talking about here are things like showing anger, swearing etc. These are the things that relieve WS more than BS. Therefore, they should be considered not as punishment, but a reward for them. She shouldn't think that she is being punished with such a small swear for what she did. The real punishment is indifference, which in this case means No Contact. It is also what you should do for yourself anyway.

posts: 620   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8703820
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 12:47 AM on Monday, December 13th, 2021

Text her back the album "Gaslighter" by The Chicks

Jk, no contact is great.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1652   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8703823
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 10:48 AM on Monday, December 13th, 2021

I was one of those people who predicted she would contact you like nothing ever happened. Like she did nothing wrong.

Because you can now be objective snd see your XW for who she truly is now — not the person you originally married.

I think you are doing better each day — even if you don’t see it that way. You made some tough decisions and took the high road. You faced the reality of your marriage and moved on b/c you knew you had no other choice.

The focus will return. I had that same issue after my H’s affair. I was great at my job but unfocused in other areas. But it did get better over time. Just have patience with yourself.

All the best to you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11162   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8703856
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RocketRaccoon ( member #54620) posted at 7:59 AM on Tuesday, December 14th, 2021

The "Hey, how you doin'" type of contact, is for WS to make themselves feel better. It possibly is a "Hey, no hard feelings, right?" kinda message, just to assuage their guilt.

Best to ignore.

In fact, if you do not need to contact your XWW, then it might be good to block her on all forms of communication/interaction.

You cannot cure stupid

posts: 934   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2016   ·   location: South East Asia
id 8704008
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