Here to keep myself mindful that I don't always see what actually is. I certainly didn't when I married her.
It was just oral
It's been something that's bugged me every time I read that here. Does anyone else actually find the act more egregious than copulation?
I just don't understand the notion of it as less harmful. To my mind, it requires a next level consideration for and eagerness to please the sex partner. And... the notion of a BS subjected to a kiss after the act is a kind of heinous disrespect. Yes/No?
25 comments posted: Tuesday, April 5th, 2022
Related to how the 'gut knows'
Excerpts from Kahneman's 'Thinking Fast and Slow.'
Two pictures were presented to people lying in a brain scanner. Each picture was shown for less than 2/100 of a second and immediately masked by "visual noise," a random display of dark and bright squares.
None of the observers ever consciously knew that he had seen pictures of eyes (one pair angry), but one part of their brain evidently knew: the amygdala, which has a primary role as the "threat center" of the brain
Images of the brain showed an intense response of the amygdala to a threatening picture that the viewer did not recognize.
The information about the threat probably traveled via a superfast neural channel that feeds directly into a part of the brain that processes emotions, bypassing the visual cortex that supports the conscious experience of "seeing." The same circuit also causes schematic angry faces (a potential threat) to be processed faster and more efficiently than schematic happy faces.
The brains of humans and other animals contain a mechanism that is designed to give priority to bad news. By shaving a few hundredths of a second from the time needed to detect a predator, this circuit improves the animal’s odds of living long enough to reproduce.
That time waking up from a dead sleep just knowing, and not being to put my finger on any specific tell.
9 comments posted: Tuesday, December 28th, 2021
Co-dependency; I thought that's what marriage was actually supposed to be
This subject was mentioned in another thread, and I almost thread-jacked it. So maybe some of you well-informed, well-read folks can enlighten me. Does anyone else chafe when the notion of co-dependence is pathologized. I mean, you deconstruct the word and to my mind, this is what I signed up for when I spoke my vows. Its that whole 'union of two into one' thing.
So, look, I get it; I've read it said that weaknesses are often overdone strengths. And I can see where cringy clingy is unhealthy, but I certainly considered myself unabashedly co-dependent as a married family man. That said, I also get and agree with the counsel to avoid it in the future having been once bitten by the infidelity viper.
25 comments posted: Saturday, December 18th, 2021
The case against Esther Perel - why?
Been watching some Esther Perel of late and from reading here awhile I get that she's not popular in this community. I've read infidelity apologist and the like. However, my takeaway has been her explanations of the cheaters' why's to fill in the gaps in understanding. I've heard her give the nod to trauma caused the betrayed, and further explain the why's of it in the context of how marriage has evolved from something formerly contractual to expectations of a partner that now "completes me."
I've not actually heard her defend the cheater, and I just wonder what it is I've missed.
71 comments posted: Wednesday, November 24th, 2021