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Gendermale (original poster new member #78935) posted at 12:04 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
There are so many of the same excuses I read on here.
We're just friends
I think he's gay
I did nothing wrong
I don't remember that. (Well you wrote the email)
The list goes on and on.
Feel free to add
landclark ( member #70659) posted at 12:58 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 1:02 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
"I thought you didn't love me any more."
But my favorite is, "If I tell you all of the truth you'll divorce me for sure."
I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.
Gendermale (original poster new member #78935) posted at 1:12 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
OMG "I thought you didn't love me any more
She told me that last night 
beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 1:18 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
You were ignoring my needs.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 1:35 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
“I haven’t been happy for a long time”. 
Then why did you give me lovey dovey cards and have sex with me? 
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
Nanatwo ( member #45274) posted at 1:37 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
There were problems in the marriage.
Guess he thought having an affair would solve those problems 
Time heals what reason cannot. Seneca
First the truth. Then, maybe, reconciliation. Louise Penny
rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 2:03 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
I couldn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you.
R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.
WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:08 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
If I tell you all of the truth you'll divorce me for sure."
And who says cheaters don't tell the truth?
I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural
fournlau ( member #71803) posted at 2:15 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 2:33 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
“I didn’t think you’d find out.”
BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 2:46 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
"If I was able to fall in love with someone else, then I'm not sure I love you."
"If you'd just get to know her you'd like her."
"You better get on board with the fact that I need to have romantic and sexual relationships with other women."
"She's into you too, so I think you two should go on a date."
"When are you going to get over this?"
Said to me by my (essentially unemployed as he was not taking a paycheck) xwh about the 18yo he was dryhumping at work while trying to convince me to be okay with a polyamorous marriage and expecting me to bankroll his bullshit.
The only cure for stupid that advanced is divorcing it cus it sure as shit ain't legal to run it over with a car.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 2:51 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
"You don't understand - it isn't sexual"
um. sex isn't sexual?
Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:47 AM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
The cheater is so stupid to believe it’s “love” with the AP — when it’s really just infatuation
The AP understands me - gets me
You didn’t support me (that’s right I’m not supporting anyone who is going to lie and cheat)
I thought you didn’t love me anymore
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 1:03 PM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
GenderMale,
Putting up with the lame justifications and excuses offered by a wayward spouse is no way to live.
Did you ever do any of the things we recommended or read any of the books we listed?
Did your wife?
To recollect:
Get a couple of VARs and begin recording in her car and where she puts on makeup.
See an attorney so you at least understand divorce and separation and aren’t blindsided
Ask your WW to write down a timeline of the affair, a long narrative, and then tell her she will need to take a polygraph to verify the timeline.
Ask your WW to take an STD test. If she didn’t have sex, she should have no problem doing this. If she balks you have your answer
Tell her you need her to turn over her phone so you can run retrieval software on it. If she’s unwilling, you have your answer.
Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing
Did she write a timeline? Have you scheduled a polygraph? STD test?
Did you read “How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair” or “No More Mr. Nice Guy”?
"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."
BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19
Stayinghopefull ( member #57957) posted at 1:22 PM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
Joined SI 17 years ago when H had year long affair.
Found 5 new OW in the past 6 months. Heading towards D.
Two wonderful teen kids that don't deserve this.
Me: BS 48 H: WS 50 Together 27 yrs, Married 22 yrs
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 4:51 PM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
"an old friend from High School"
"She's a Grandmother for goodness sake"
"she laughed at my jokes"
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:12 PM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
You don’t make me happy.
It is never my job to make anyone happy - that is in that person. My role as a spouse is to add to your happiness with love and support and kindness etc.
Too bad so many cheaters use that kind b/c it says to me they are just not happy with themselves or their life and they will forever be searching for it - and never truly have a long lasting relationship b/c eventually they will become “unhappy”.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 5:14 PM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
Can't believe I forgot my favorite [after DDay1]
I was only with her to so she wouldn't ruin your life.
I asked him "let me get this straight - you were fu*king HER to protect ME?"
Yes. He said. That's it!
O...M...G...
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
J707 ( member #63778) posted at 5:16 PM on Thursday, July 15th, 2021
I haven't been happy in a long time
You haven't been happy in a long time
You never loved me
You yelled at me on Dday (apparently I'm not allowed to have emotions)
You would really like him, the kids do (the kids didn't)
We weren't a family (what?)
You think I'm a no good lazy stoner that doesn't contribute to the household chores
^^^This is actually true. I did everything. She had tons of energy to go screw other people though. Must of been well rested 
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