Newest Member: SadPadre

fournlau

TikTok outing WS's

I enjoy watching TikTok, it has taught me a lot. However, I'm sure we all know there is a Dark Side to TikTok. There are so many BP's outing their WP's. Most are very calculating about it. Some do the dramatic confrontation. Some don't go the way they thought it would. Being betrayed was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me and I don't think I could ever film it and share it on social media!

There is also the whole trend of others stitching it and putting in their two cents, most laughing all the way at what is coming to the cheater. Do these people not realize that these are real people? I get the entertainment aspect, we LOVE watching other people crash and burn and hopefully get what they deserve.

I can't lie, I also fall into the category of hoping they WP gets what they deserve, still, can't imagine how much it complicates everything putting it out there for others to watch and comment on. I saw one unfolding where the BW was told by the WH that she just had to deal with it because he wasn't going to stop seeing the OW. She is a SAHM and he moved her far away from her family and has nobody to help her.

Now, I also realize that sometimes these people are lying just to get likes. Also atrocious, mostly because it works. They get support, likes, validation, etc. But you never know the truth.

What do you guys think about this?

9 comments posted: Friday, December 16th, 2022

Permanent or is there hope?

So, I've planted both feet into reconciliation and decided to work towards that.

Here's my issue of the moment: Everything my WH does annoys me! I get angry at things he does, or says. I know sometimes it's an overreaction on my part, but others...I just don't know. Is this something that happened to others? DD was 4 years ago but "removal of WH head from ass" was only 2 years ago. I try not to let it get to me, but I have to wonder if perhaps this was a dealbreaker for me and that's why I get angry. Since DD I have learned that I was in an essentially abusive relationship. I didn't realize it at the time but he would DARVO me almost every time I brought up something about how he made me feel, or how he hurt me in what he said or did. I understand now that it was a defensive mechanism so that he didn't have to deal with it and to shut me up.

Anyhow, I have learned to stand up for myself now and do not let him get away with it. He still stumbles in this but he is working on it and I can see improvement. I wonder if I am holding on to resentment about the past and his treatment of me. He has also said that when we discuss these things, he feels like nothing he does puts aside the past so we can move forward. I don't know how else I can tell him that just because he apologizes once, or twice, it doesn't erase the thousands of times he treated me badly.

Any advice would be appreciated, as this is not the kind of relationship I want.

11 comments posted: Monday, November 28th, 2022

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" question

I looked on the Book forum but there wasn't much about this book. I was hoping there was a discussion. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is because of something Gottman said. Basically that an affair is never a cause for a divorce, but a symptom of something wrong in the marriage itself.

I'm wondering what people think about this? I was taken aback by that assumption. Especially since we often say that it was NOT caused by the M. I understand that a difficult M is usually close to a 50/50 in fault. But this seems like he is saying that it was the unhappy M that caused the A and not the fault of the WW's character.

How have others interpreted what he said?

20 comments posted: Wednesday, July 27th, 2022

Learning empathy

Does anyone have any recommendations for a good book on learning how to be empathetic? The ones I've found seem to be geared more towards those who are already empathetic and want to learn how to use it better.

2 comments posted: Friday, April 17th, 2020

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