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General :
My wife cheated on me with her coworker. What now 2

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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 8:25 PM on Monday, February 21st, 2022

You guys, R is not romantic. It involves triggers and pain and SO MUCH work and it comes with zero guarantees.

In addition, in situations like the Fibble's, R also comes with the risk of further damage to their children. Things are stable now. The Fibble family is living their new normal. Why bring the uncertainty back into the kids lives for something with low odds of success?

I freely admit to being a hopeless romantic. I had thought that Mrs. Fibble was a good candidate for R before the last disclosure. The final disclosure itself wasn't awful. She might have been a good candidate for R after the disclosure with some other betrayed, but Mr Fibble was clear that he needed the full truth. She continued to lie until the very last moment. In the end that's more of what doomed any potential future R than her acts of infidelity itself.

posts: 1104   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8717879
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 4:32 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

So fking pissed right now mad

Got an email this afternoon, from an throwaway email adress containing a link to a pornsite with a caption "I think you should know" and voilà - pictures of my exW. Clearly her, in our house, topless, in a bed, bent over, you pick. Nothing too explicit, but you can see enough. You can bet I wasn't a recipient of single one of them.

I immediately called her, let her have it. What the F was wrong with her.

BS

posts: 310   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8718307
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 4:40 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Sorry, Mr. F. Unfortunately it's not really a surprise. What was her response?

posts: 5125   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8718309
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 5:06 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

She's useless. Just sobbing

BS

posts: 310   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8718313
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 5:12 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Have to assume this was AP. What'd be interesting is what triggered it now. He get rejected by Mrs Fibble again or did he find out about your career assistance. I hate to suggest it but for your kids sake I would assist in taking legal action if there's any revenge porn laws that apply. AP doesn't seem smart enough to fully hide his tracks and he probably is the only person who had access to those pix.

Sorry about you getting your scabs ripped open again.

[This message edited by grubs at 5:23 PM, Wednesday, February 23rd]

posts: 1104   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8718315
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 5:23 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Oh damn. I am so sorry you had to see that.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4995   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8718316
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Sanibelredfish ( member #56748) posted at 6:09 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Sorry you had to learn of these indiscretions via this route. I imagine her unwillingness to disclose these pictures to you adds to the nagging sense you had that she wasn’t fully truthful with you about the nature of her A. Given that, there was never really a road to R.

posts: 785   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2017   ·   location: Midwest
id 8718327
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 6:28 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

MrFlibble,

Sorry you had to see that. Once she sent those pictures to the OM, there was always the possibility he could begin to distribute them. I would recommend you see an attorney to find out what options might be available in your country to take down those pictures and/or take some type of legal action against the OM. At a minimum, the lawyer could send a "cease and desist" letter to the OM, demand he take down any and all pictures posted, and delete any in his possession. I would be most concerned about how the presence of these pictures might harm your daughters as they get older.

You don't deserve this. Please take care.

posts: 244   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8718333
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

I would recommend you see an attorney to find out what options might be available in your country to take down those pictures and/or take some type of legal action against the OM

That is technically her job, not his. The pictures are of her.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4995   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8718338
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BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 7:23 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

DevastatedDee,

That is technically her job, not his. The pictures are of her.


If MrFlibble did not have kids, I would agree with you. However, since they have kids that could be harmed by these pictures, it is now MrFlibble's business as well. Perhaps he could go with his XW to an attorney to address this jointly. Otherwise, he can leave it to her to (hopefully) take care of the issue. She sounds like a mess at the moment, so I would urge him to take action.

posts: 244   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8718344
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toby ( member #10337) posted at 7:37 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Sorry you’re still having to deal with this crap. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t one of the questions of the poly was if she had ever sent nudes?

posts: 1768   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2006   ·   location: Texas
id 8718348
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 7:44 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Legally, there is nothing he can do to have the pics removed. He can go with her to an attorney,who can try to have them removed,but legally,he has no recourse.

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8718349
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 7:57 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

The album has a timestamp, so I know it was uploaded more that a year ago. It also has a nice feature, a views counter. More than 200k barf

I called my ex right away, yelled at her and told her to deal with it on her own because it's her mess. Sort of knee-jerk reaction. She just called and called (I didn't answer) and texted every minute or so asking what to do.

I have since calmed down a lot, told her to write to admin (there is a contact form) and report it and to take it from there. She did that but still got no reply. According to my brief check there are no laws explicitly covering this but it should still be prosecutable but with very low chance of a positive outcome. He would basicaly have to admit he was the one who uploaded them. The best we can hope is they will delete the album off the site, but as you surely know, once it's out there.. basicaly anyone could have saved it. barf

Fml

BS

posts: 310   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8718352
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straightup ( member #78778) posted at 8:03 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Mr Fibble, I’m very sorry this has happened. What an un-utterable creep she chose for an AP. I feel sorry for her, what a train wreck, for what? I also feel your pain.

My only advice is to see a defamation lawyer, if you want to ruin his world, but it may be expensive, with an uncertain outcome, and some risk. It sounds like you can afford an initial consult. The forensics would be interesting, chasing that data, but it won’t help you detach. There might also be some role for law enforcement, like a knock on the door from Federal Police on AP’s door saying they are investigating a revenge porn crime.

Depending on the pornsite they might agree to take the images down from the most obvious places. Nothing to stop AP or his proxy putting them up elsewhere however. That’s why he needs the fear of God put into him.

Keep yourself at least one step removed from any encounters with AP and keep it legal.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
Mother Teresa

posts: 131   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2021   ·   location: Australia
id 8718356
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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 8:03 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

sad So what’s her story. Is this part of the affair or a separate endeavor on her part? Wow, such ramifications of being an adulterer.

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8718355
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 8:44 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

The forensics would be interesting, chasing that data, but it won’t help you detach.

That. That is the point.

If MrFlibble did not have kids, I would agree with you. However, since they have kids that could be harmed by these pictures, it is now MrFlibble's business as well. Perhaps he could go with his XW to an attorney to address this jointly. Otherwise, he can leave it to her to (hopefully) take care of the issue. She sounds like a mess at the moment, so I would urge him to take action.

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon issue. Lots of parents have nudes out there for kids to stumble across. I expect it will only become more and more common as time goes on. Given my XWH's obsession with porn and his unhappiness at my leaving him, odds are 50/50 that I have pictures out there. Depends on how petty he was feeling at any given time. I'll likely only know if someone else sees them and tells me. It is what it is. Would probably wreck my son's masturbation session if he came across them and if he does, I guess I'll pay for his therapy. I'm not saying that this isn't a big deal. It's just a shitty thing all around.

It isn't something MrFibble can fix for her or his kids. This is a consequence that sucks.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 8:46 PM, Wednesday, February 23rd]

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4995   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8718363
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66charger ( member #69471) posted at 9:45 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Even a throw away email has an IP address, it had to come from somewhere. Trace it. Whoever sent it meant to inflict damage on you. If this idiot sent it from his work computer, nail him.

[This message edited by 66charger at 10:57 PM, Wednesday, February 23rd]

posts: 307   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2019
id 8718380
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 9:53 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

Even a throw away email has an IP address

Depending on whether the email provider maintains logs, for how long, and a VPN wasn't used. Same thing on the upload end. It's a long shot, but possible. Better to use privacy, copywrite, and other legislation to have the content pulled down. But like others have said you can't really put the genie back in the bottle once they been posted. The only way to really prevent this is not to take the pictures in the first place.

posts: 1104   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8718383
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Walkthestorm ( member #72157) posted at 10:15 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

OMG! So sorry to read this. What a nightmare. Just wow.

Does your ex wife have any idea who sent you the email?

If the OM was rejected a year ago I can see him retaliating by uploading the photos.

But why now? It is possible someone else sent it OR the OM found out about the divorce, reached out to your ex and got rejected again?

If that second theory is correct, your ex and him have some form of contact. I would advise her to check recording someone without their concent in your country (video). If you can take recordings I would simply set him up and take leagal action.

But two things to keep in mind. One, this is HER problem first and foremost. Two, I know you are in damage control but keep in mind the pictures were there for a whole year. Meaning you have time to think this through and not panic.

This is so very terrible. So stupid on her part and so lowlife despicable on his.

posts: 120   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8718391
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Kindern ( new member #78441) posted at 10:40 PM on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

I gotta say, I don’t think this is really your problem. Certainly not enough to start involving lawyers and putting the screws to POS other man.

Your daughters are young. Nobody in their right mind would ever approach them about topless pictures of their mother any time soon… and if anyone did you couldn’t have exactly stop them with lawyers because what sort of lunatic does that to a child?

Maybe when they’re older it might come up but are decades old topless pictures really going to be that much of an issue then? Especially if it’s made clear their mother didn’t consent to their distribution? Her affair is already out there. The concept of what she did is already out there. Pictures aren’t going to change much.

I personally wouldn’t give the OM the satisfaction. By all means encourage your ex-wife to get this removed from the internet but this isn’t your problem now.

posts: 43   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2021   ·   location: Uk
id 8718395
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