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I Did It!

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Gottagetthrough posted 3/28/2021 08:16 AM

I emailed my divorce attorney and said I am ready to file

I had gobe to see family 7 hours away (8-9 with baby and stops for him). WH was ok sort of with that, but I was getting tests to come home soon, he didnt know if he could make it without me... whatever. He ALWAYS DOES THIS. I NEED YOU. ILL DIE WITHOUT YOU


Seriously. I was gone less than a week.

My DD stayed and I am to pick her up next weekend. (her school is virtual right now so no problems ) middle son is not virtual so I had top get him home.

WH FLIPPED when he heard I was driving back Easter weekend. He ended up locking my phone (so no maps on a long trip, which I know pretty well but they are nice if I need to find a gas station or something and get off the normal route. Also, no phone if I get in trouble or have a car issue)

We get home, and he is fairly nice, I told him to fix my phone and he said he was sorry, he didnt know I needed a password, that he had just locked it for a little while and it wasnt actually locked anymore-- i just didnt know the code

Im pissed, got a shitty call from my sister and my husband was like shes right and we start fighting

my husband goes from 0-60 in a minute and is telling me how bad a person i am, how lazy i am, LOOK AT THE HOUSE ITS A MESS (fucker- i just came home from a week trip!!!) he is saying i am lazy, "What have you done in the past 15 years other than raise kids... maybe you should talk to your friends about how to have a career, kids and clean the house"

it devolved from there. He left and went to another room. I was so pissed off and didnt know where to put that anger, so I grabbed a knife he had from eating by the bed, took it, went to the closet and shredded 4 of his suits. (He did not know I was doing this) I also threw my phone until it smashed the screen, which i had wanted to do all day after he locked it.

It felt so damn good to destroy his suits (he has more, he probably wont notice these 4 are gone) and smash that phone

Then, I started cleaning up the house. The clothes on the floor (his), I just threw in the garbage. Calvin Klein dress shirts, ties, etc. Garbage.

I realized i was scared to come home to my own fucking house. And this wasnt the first time.

I emailed the attorney. Its time. I need to file, please advise. We have the separation agreement, I have sole custody, all I need is to start getting alimony and child support (those numbers are not in the agreement, as my WH was making less last year than he probably will in the future)

Nothing he can do for me is worth living like this. Stuff like doing the electronics for me- I can take my phone to get fixed. I can drive in a different country (we are going next year and this is a worry... how will I get around without him. Now-- fuck it., I'll figure it out)


There is 0 he can do to convince me to not divorce. Last night was the end.

"THIS HOUSE IS A MESS! MY MOTHER WOULD NEVER LIVE LIKE THIS!"

Loser- I have been GONE for a week!! (where I got the stomach flu, and was sick most of the week!) ITS YOUR MESS!!!


Karmafan posted 3/28/2021 09:04 AM

"What have you done in the past 15 years other than raise kids... maybe you should talk to your friends about how to have a career, kids and clean the house"

This one sentence. The cruelty of it! The loathing! The contempt!

Go divorce his POS ass GGTT, itís high time

EllieKMAS posted 3/28/2021 10:05 AM

You will figure it out gotta. You're stronger than you even know.

I'm glad you finally got to the point where anything is better than staying married to him. That anger is good right now - it will help get you through this. Work with your attorney on a plan to get him out of the house and start putting distance wherever you can.

Sending you hugs and strength. You got this girl!

Justsomeguy posted 3/28/2021 10:14 AM

Sounds pretty toxic. I hope things work out for you and you find peace. I think that is the best thing that came with my decision to divorce, I felt peace again. Oh, I mourned the end of my marriage, more an idea than the actual marriage, but I felt a massive burden lifted.

tushnurse posted 3/28/2021 10:19 AM

Keep moving forward Gotta.
You are so much stronger than you realize. What he did to your phone is unforgivable and abuse.
You need to go to the phone provider on Monday and figure out how to separate your phone from him so he can NEVER do that to you again.

You got this.

crazyblindsided posted 3/28/2021 10:28 AM

(((Gottagetthrough))) you got this!!! We have got you! You are doing the right thing. Walking on eggshells and not feeling safe in your home is the worst. You will have such peace when it is done.

nekonamida posted 3/28/2021 10:57 AM

"What have you done in the past 15 years other than raise kids... maybe you should talk to your friends about how to have a career, kids and clean the house"

Oh, like the ones with supportive spouses who care for the kids and help clean the house? It's not impossible when you don't have an angry, abusive man-sized child running wild in your house.

Make sure you figure out with your lawyer how to remove him from the house. He must go. You need your safe space back.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 10:58 AM, March 28th (Sunday)]

BearlyBreathing posted 3/28/2021 12:51 PM

Gotta- you are a badass. Glad you are filing and getting yourself out of this toxic mess.
Sending you strength-

phmh posted 3/28/2021 13:49 PM

You need to go to the phone provider on Monday and figure out how to separate your phone from him so he can NEVER do that to you again.

This X1000. My mouth just dropped open when I read that he did that to you. That is extremely abusive and escalating behavior. Especially when you are on the road. It could have been a matter of life and death these days.

Do you truly believe that you and the kids are safe with him? If not, please take them and be where you are safe. (A friend of a friend was just murdered by her cheating husband who exhibited behavior very similar to what you describe your husband doing. My friend asked her if she felt safe and she replied that her husband would never actually hurt her. And now she's dead.)

From your join date, you've been dealing with this for over a decade. I really worry about your safety when he realizes that this time you are serious and he is losing control. Please stay vigilant and do what you can for your safety and your kids' safety. You've got this, and a much better life awaits you.

little turtle posted 3/28/2021 14:14 PM

(((Gotta)))) So proud of you!! You've got this! We are here for you. ♥

nekonamida posted 3/28/2021 16:18 PM

(A friend of a friend was just murdered by her cheating husband who exhibited behavior very similar to what you describe your husband doing. My friend asked her if she felt safe and she replied that her husband would never actually hurt her. And now she's dead.)

Wow. That's heartbreaking.

I'm proud of you too, Gotta. But I'm also worried and will continue to be worried until you are no longer living with him. Please be safe.

J707 posted 3/28/2021 17:08 PM

You got this! Use the anger to proceed and push forward, and away from this turd POS! Who turns their wife's cell phone off while shes on a trip. Or complains that You don't do this or that and the house is messy while Your gone? This will be a process but remember to breath. One day at a time. SI helped me with some of my challenges during the D. We'll be here!

Also,
One thing on the child support. I'm not an attorney but from my understanding in my state, they will base it off of what he makes currently. But if his wage or salary increases soon or in the future you can file again and receive more CS for you and the kids.

Spousal support is different and is set, agreed upon and can not be changed. In my case, we had in our MSA for No spousal support for either party. My case was different than yours though. Your attorney will get you what you deserve.

Adira posted 3/28/2021 17:09 PM

((Gotta)) you can do this! Sending strength to you x


zebra25 posted 3/29/2021 09:55 AM

Good luck going forward Gotta. You've got this!!

My jaw dropped when I read he shut your phone off.

Please stay safe.

OwningItNow posted 3/29/2021 11:02 AM

He feels entitled to control you and tell you what to do. Entitled. He thinks it's his right, and that's why he punishes you when you 'misbehave.' Any time he feels emotionally uncomfortable, it is and will always be your fault; time to punish! This will only be more apparent when you file. Do you have the number of a women's shelter handy at all times? A domestic violence hotline? Keep these things with you at all times.

Stay strong because this will be difficult for you. He will make sure of it because he needs to control you as an outlet for his out of control feelings. What will he do without his punching bag? Please watch out for yourself at all times. Can you sleep with one of your kids and put a lock on the door?

Happiness is getting away from this abuse. You can do it. I know you can.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 11:03 AM, March 29th (Monday)]

OwningItNow posted 3/29/2021 11:04 AM

You must have a working cell phone on you, one that he cannot control. You may need to call 911.

outofsorts posted 3/29/2021 20:29 PM

You got this Gotta!!

grubs posted 3/29/2021 21:13 PM

You must have a working cell phone on you, one that he cannot control. You may need to call 911.

This. You can pick up a $30 prepaid flip phone at Walmart. It's worth it just for the piece of mind.

barcher144 posted 3/30/2021 07:31 AM

This one sentence. The cruelty of it! The loathing! The contempt!

Actually, this one sentence is also an admission that he should be paying a lot of alimony. Please save it and share it with your attorney.

WH FLIPPED when he heard I was driving back Easter weekend. He ended up locking my phone (so no maps on a long trip, which I know pretty well but they are nice if I need to find a gas station or something and get off the normal route. Also, no phone if I get in trouble or have a car issue)

We get home, and he is fairly nice, I told him to fix my phone and he said he was sorry, he didnt know I needed a password, that he had just locked it for a little while and it wasnt actually locked anymore-- i just didnt know the code

And here we have evidence of punitive behavior, the type that suggest to judges that he should not have primary custody of the kids.

In all honesty, you might want to talk to you attorney about immediately going to a preliminary hearing, kicking him out of the house, and forcing him to pay child support and spousal maintenance until the two of you can reach a divorce agreement.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 7:36 AM, March 30th (Tuesday)]

Gottagetthrough posted 4/9/2021 11:16 AM

suggest to judges that he should not have primary custody


He already signed an agreement last year that stated I have sole legal and primary physical custody of the kids with supervised visitation at my discretion. He signed a similar thing in 2011 but we have had a baby since and needed a new one , plus new one divides up property, and I believe it states I get lifetime alimony.

Thanks for the responses all.

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