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Tattoo or no tattoo? Vegas or no?

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Shehawk posted 3/21/2021 22:49 PM

Leaning a bit on humor to deal with the pain of infidelity tonight....

During this whole long drawn out divorce process I considered getting a tattoo.... A relatively large inner forearm script tattoo that said "integrity".

And I dreamed of a quickie Vegas divorce. The quick Vegas divorce is out. Can't seem to get the non Vegas divorce in a reasonable time either. The court process is just more abuse by proxy. That just leaves the tattoo.

I do joke about eventually heading to Vegas and marrying my new fnb (friend no benefits since I am still legally married to the chex aka the cheating ex). He really is a nice guy. Bet he wonders how he ended up with someone as jaded about relationships as me...

Sooo tattoo or no tattoo? Vegas or no Vegas.

leafields posted 3/21/2021 23:05 PM

I will probably be in the minority, but I feel that tattoos are a no - no. There's an Old Testament scripture about not marking yourself that I could reference if you want, but know it isn't popular. Pretty fundalmentalist, so depends on you.

Tatoo asks different spirits attack you.

You do you. I'm sure I'll get a lot of flack for this.

You do you.

WhoTheBleep posted 3/21/2021 23:17 PM

Just popping in to let you know that this is the best thread title I've seen, possibly ever.

I've never been big on Vegas, for any reason.

Definite no on the tattoo. I went through this phase as well, considered getting one in the midst of my healing. I'm so far past my healing at this point that I am glad I didn't permanently mark my body to remind me of the hell I went through to get where I am. Every time I would look down at that glorious phoenix, I would think of stbx and his wandering dick. Ew...

Really think about that Shehawk. When you look at that tattoo, the word integrity, you will instantly be reminded that your husband didn't have any. Like you're in your yoga class, 8 years from now, in downward dog, and you turn your head... Boom there it is, integrity... That bastard. Now you're out of the zone and your blood pressure is rising. Hard pass for me, dawg.

Get yourself some temporary ones that you could throw on your arm before a night out with the girls. You can wash it off in a few days when you've had enough. Win win.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 11:19 PM, March 21st (Sunday)]

Justsomeguy posted 3/22/2021 00:27 AM

There's also an Old Testament scripture about wearing garments of mixed fabric. Haha.

I got a tattoo after Dday my old Regimental motto. Don't regret it for a second...

AnnieOakley posted 3/22/2021 00:48 AM

Interesting...I donít have any tattoos and have never dated anyone w them. They are not a complete deal breaker for me, Iíve just never desired to have one. I do see it mentioned frequently in dating profiles as either a pro/con so some people of course do feel very strongly.

I dated a guy for few months last summer, he said if he ever gets one it would be his daughterís name. That is the only thing he felt confident putting on his body and it would be under the collar area on the back of his neck...so not something he would see often. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Vegas...hard stop. I lived there for 10 years. Personally for me, no positive emotions. I donít even want to consider dating anyone from there. Itís a very transient minded town. I found it impossible to make friends. Literally zero.

Anna123 posted 3/22/2021 08:22 AM

Maybe go to Vegas for fun when Covid settles down? No to the tattoo. I thank my lucky starts I didn't get any tattoos of the passing important moments throughout my life. We are growing changing human beings. Having a tattoo keeps that memory at the forefront unnaturally.

It could also be a deal-breaker for potential future partners. Not because people (like myself) are against them, I have many people I love that have tattoos. It's because they are simply a turn-off to A LOT of people. They also look messy to me. I suppose if I became attached to a man first and then found out about the tattoo I would accept it, but seeing it first I would never get that far. I know there are many men that feel the same with women with tattoos. If you do feel the urge to still get one, maybe somewhere hidden and small?

You can still have fun and let a little loose with no permanent results:-)

Throwaway999 posted 3/22/2021 08:42 AM

I have 2 tattoos...the first for my kids and the second I got to honor my Wh who was battling cancer. A flower with script...he never stopped me or said anything to me as I got it when I was completely oblivious and didnít know the truth of his history. I am going to get a cover up when Covid allows me me. So I say think long and hard about your tattoo...do you want a constant reminder on your body of your pain? I donít. I want to heal and move on and my tattoo will keep me the past. I hope that makes sense.

Karmafan posted 3/22/2021 09:38 AM

The idea for me is to let old scars fade, not add new ones! Joking, but I do agree with WTB that I wouldn't necessarily want be reminded of my tribulations every time I look at my arm, leg, whatever.

Also, I think I would trigger like crazy....XWH had a Sanskrit proverb about moral strenght and virtue tattoed on his forearm

Chili posted 3/22/2021 09:52 AM

I just heard a story on the radio about an extended form of a temporary tattoo - lasts about a year - then completely fades to nothing. It's an interesting idea. I'm too mercurial to do anything permanent.

I've had Henna done before I've gone on beach-like vacations in the past. That was kind of fun in the spirit of getting braids in my hair or something - not an everyday look and kind of celebratory.

As for my takes on Vegas - a girlfriend and I have been known to head there for long weekends every few years. But they tend to be spa, shows, pool, and foodie escapades. It's a place that has a lot of options - we love the full range - from kitsch to pampering.

I know a couple of folks who have lived there and really hated it. Both talk about how it's nearly impossible to build a "community" there.

gmc94 posted 3/22/2021 10:21 AM

I got a tattoo about 3 months after dday and don't regret it a bit - it's similar to this:

Today, I find it a testament to my own healing journey... the only way forward is through, and that will be true for whatever life sends me.

twicefooled posted 3/22/2021 10:31 AM

Another YES vote for tattoo.

I have a few of them and they all represent moments in my life that I either want to remember (like the small angel tattoo on my left wrist for my best friend that I lost at the age of 37 to a brain tumour) or learn from (like the butterfly tattoo I got on my upper thigh as a divorce present from my bestie, to signify my rebirth).

You do you <3

wildbananas posted 3/22/2021 10:35 AM

I'll be the outlier here... if you want a tattoo, get it! As long as you've put thought into it, why not? I didn't get one after my D, but I did get one after I lost my sister. She was my last family member (outside of the bunch, of course), so I got a tattoo with the signatures of my parents and siblings. I know it's a different scenario but I have zero regrets.

I am going to agree to no Vegas, though... at least for marriage purposes. laugh Going just for fun is a different story. grin

nutmegkitty posted 3/22/2021 17:12 PM

I got a large tattoo when my divorce was final. I'd thought a lot about it. I got an orange flower with lush leaves and a ladybug. I have zero regrets and I love it just as much today as I did then. So, I am in the YES for tattoo camp!

Vegas - that place is cray cray if you go, just be prepared.

3kids30years posted 3/22/2021 17:19 PM

I have 2 tattoos - both after DDay. Both for me. To remind me if my strength and my integrity. I don't regret them for a minute.

I have my kids birthdays, in their handwriting, on my inner forearm, and a seahorse on my right shoulder. I am considering a phoenix on my left shoulder.

WH isn't a fan, but who cares? Not me. I got them for ME!!

Hard pass on Vegas - I'd rather go to the beach

Do what makes Shehawk happy - that's all that matters in the long run.

Hutch posted 3/22/2021 18:09 PM

I have a perspective on tattoos I'd like to share with you. First off, I do love a great tattoo. I have two. I'm not opposed and to each their own.

My first is a double whammy...tramp stamp and dolphins. HA! I was 21 at the time. A few years ago I almost had an artist change it but a great friend gave me advice that I absolutely love and it changed my mind. He said, "Amor Fati". Amor fati is a Latin phrase that may be translated as "love of fate" or "love of one's fate". It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or, at the very least, necessary. You can apply that to something as simple as a tattoo. Embrace it and in 20 years, if there's regret, you can look back and know that it was right for you in that moment. My tramp stamp, as much as I hate it now, meant something to me then and I can smile knowing I was a 21 year old kid, at the beach with my friends, and I left BlackCat Tattoo with a smile on my face.

So here's the thing. All of us on SI, no matter our circumstances, didn't come here because we were in a joyful state, bursting at the seems. Quite the opposite really. If getting a tattoo means something to you, go for it. You are in New Beginnings after all.

My second tattoo I got in London when I was on vacation. Through my marriage, I would say to myself "breathe". "Breathe and get through this. You can get through this." My left rib has the script "breathe". I love everything it represents. 0 regrets! And in 20 years if I look at it with regret I'll simply say, "Amor Fati".

OH! For the Vegas part. Seriously. Only enjoy the resorts, food, maybe a show, and some hands at blackjack. The rest...RUN!!!!

Tripletrouble posted 3/22/2021 23:04 PM

I thought about a tattoo during/after my divorce but didnít do it. Iím glad. I donít want any reminders of that time in my life. I did get one though when my son died - small, simple and classy. I would suggest if you decide to get one donít get something that reminds you of your shitty ex and divorce and infidelity in general - get something that makes you happy and makes you smile.
A word about Vegas. Even though my ex and his sex addiction are way in my rear view mirror, I went years later and still found all the nearly naked women everywhere a little triggery. Maybe thatís just me.

Shehawk posted 3/22/2021 23:56 PM

Some great advice!

StillLivin posted 3/23/2021 01:24 AM

I am 100% behind going to Vegas post divorce.
Funny story, I went to Vegas with my FSIL post divorce. Met a gorgeous man, absolutely beautiful, 6'3", fit (former Marine), blond and blue-eyed. And he was really feeling me and sweet as could be. And, my dumb, not-yet-healed behind turned him down flat. C'est la vie.
Go to Vegas.

Shehawk posted 3/23/2021 12:53 PM

Triple so very sorry about your loss.

You make some good points.

ChewedMeUp posted 3/23/2021 15:21 PM

I have 3 (well, really 4 because one is a cover) tattoos. Iím not a fan of text in tattoos because of the way edges tend to fuzz a bit over the years.

The one covering a large portion of my lower back is the cover Ė it just wasnít done well the first time, and thankfully was small Ė and itís the birth flowers of both of my kids, bright, vibrant, colorful.

I have another that was kind of a family in-joke with my deceased dad, that I still love to this day, on the outside of my upper thigh.

And post-divorce, I got one on the inside of my forearm which goes from elbow to about 4 inches before my wrist. That one is complicated to explain, but itís some symbols that represent strength, and new life, that comes from within. Itís not a divorce tattoo, itís a new life tattoo, and a reminder that such is up to me.

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