Newest Member: Momof2greatadults


Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

Girl Code? What would you do?

I mayyyyyy be in "a situation" and I’m trying to get ahead of it.

I started dance lessons earlier this year. I thought at the time that the man/woman were a couple. At my first lesson this was confirmed just in casual conversation. I really like them both. All of my scheduling/communications have been with the female. Minimal personal conversations, just normal chatty stuff between the 3 of us as she was always involved in the lessons from a female perspective, which I found very helpful.

Some group lessons with other students, some social/community dancing out. All told, I think outside the studio I have danced with him 3 times.

Recently, on occasion, the lessons have just been the two of us. She may be teaching in another room or not at the studio at all.

Last week he told me "you probably already know this, but I wanted to confirm that we broke up 3 months ago". BOOM. I had no idea, but looking back…the clues were indeed there.

At the end of the lesson he asked me to an event as his guest. (Meeting him there.) I have no clue if I am one of 10 invited guests or this is something more. My boundaries have been rockfrickinsolid. I don’t believe I have ever said or done anything that would imply anything beyond a professional friendship. And I was always more friendly with her. I value her opinion as she struggled learning and I truly like her.

Full disclosure, I’ve silently mini-crushed on him since day one. Which is why I was so tight with my boundaries. I wanted nothing to do with that. I just wanted to learn to dance. Period.

I sent her a text the next day, acknowledging that I was told, that I was sorry and that I was wrapped in my own world these last several months. I had no clue. She responded kindly and that they had not told many people out of respect for each other.

I’ve gone radio silent. Easy with him since I don’t even have his cell number.

He probably knows I’m single just from the casual conversations. I don’t want to EVER be perceived as the OW, so them keeping it quiet may back fire.

Ask him if she knows I’m going to this event with him? I’ve done nothing wrong, I don’t want to feel like I need to hide something! I don't want to put my foot in my mouth either and look like an idiot. Maybe I'm just in the friend zone?

It appears she will be phased out of his business.

What would you do?

15 comments posted: Thursday, October 14th, 2021

Sexually transmitted disease discussion

**seriously asking for a friend** since I have no point of reference here and have just started OLD.

Her last LTR ended 3+ years ago and she has just started to look at dating again. He was positive for herpes. To her knowledge she never contracted the virus as she has never had an outbreak of any sort, but of course she could be asymptomatic. They always abstained if he presented for about two weeks. He said to his knowledge he had never passed it to anyone as he felt symptoms and immediately would abstain.

Hypothetically speaking...down the road. If she were in a dating situation, condoms are a given, but we all know the risk. Again, she has never had an outbreak. It’s more like a “FYI, but I honestly don’t know” thing??

I venture a guess that a lot of people have been potentially exposed by a person that is asymptomatic and never been told as evidence by many on this board.

Anyone dealt with this?


7 comments posted: Tuesday, July 14th, 2020

Rate a first date, what the what!? dating people that are much more experienced than I!

I went on two dates back in early Jan - clearly no chemistry on either side, so all good.

Put everything on pause for several weeks due to CV19 in mid March.

Started talking to guy #1 for about a week, trying to arrange date. Guy #2 very quickly asks to meet up for a social distancing hike, literally the next day.

I go on hike. Good conversation, attractive, etc. Quick text from him that evening thanks, had a nice would you rate the date on a scale of 1-100? WTH? I honestly respond that I’ve never been asked that question and answer without giving a numerical number. I know that I’m reserving judgement based on guy #1!!

Date with guy #1 yesterday. Great afternoon. Truly did not want it to end. He has to travel this week starting Monday so he says “I’ll wait to hear from you”. I respond, perfect, I’ll reach out.

15 mins later I get a text from him... how would you rate our day today 1-10, pls don’t lie! After a few back/forth, he called and we decided that we both were interested in more.

Have I missed this memo? Seriously, what is this about? Where are the perimeters and sliding scale in some dating handbook? Ugh. I about died.

Date #2 with guy #1 tentatively for Thursday. I’m so confused.

5 comments posted: Sunday, June 14th, 2020

Dr. Aron’s 36 question study?

I read a NY Times (long) article a few years ago and it was wayyy tooo scary at that point!

It is about falling in love or assessing the potential by answering 36 questions then literally staring into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. You can google, as I did not want to post the link.

Someone linked it in their OLD profile that I read today and it does not seem quite so bad today! Progress I say!

And if nothing else, the 36 questions are some good ones for virtual dating at this point. Some don’t apply because it was in a college setting but I would not be opposed to trying it with someone after a couple++ dates. Who knows?

Anyone else familiar with it?

6 comments posted: Thursday, May 14th, 2020

Background check account? On OW.

Hi All,

Honestly asking for a friend.

Anyone have a current account? I have a name, city, and occupation.

When she came to me...I knew I had to reach out to my SI peeps and network.

Thx so much.


1 comment posted: Tuesday, May 29th, 2018

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