I LOVE the support everyone provides each other on SI! So lucky to have found this resource, and all of you. Thanks for checking in.
@ EllieKMAS you are like my personal cheerleader! 😊 Haha
The shenanigans with my STBWxH continued after my last post! He did NOT like my response about changing the locks. Some of the latest in his emails:
I’d like to salvage our friendship.
It is my own f*cking home that I have bled for to buy, so don't confuse the fact that you live there means it's only your home. It’s still mine, I just do not reside there anymore.
I don’t have the option but getting proceedings going through email, which sucks after all the time we've been together by the way.
I just want this to all be over, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I want it to be done and feel like you are going to just screw me over through it all. I don’t want you turning me into a punching bag for horrible things I've done.
A few things come to mind:
• You are a total narc!
• Oh, poor baby! You can’t eat or sleep? Sorry, not sorry.
• We aren’t ever going to be friends you arrogant jerk! Who would want to be friends with someone like you?
• You don’t want to be a punching bag? Um, what have you been doing to me for months then exactly?
• There is a difference between a home and a house that you have a financial interest in. Too bad you didn’t see the difference when you lived here.
• Guess you should have thought this through before you cheated on me! You made your bed, so now you can sleep in it. I refuse to emotionally support you through our D!
@Freeme, you would be so proud. I have maintained NC outside of confirming our mediation time/date.
I’ve realized that my STBxH is starting to see that he can’t make all the decisions in order to execute his fantasy world. Reality is a bit of a shock for him. Being told he can’t have his cake and eat it too, and the fact that I’m standing up for myself and avoiding contact, is a rude awakening for him. He might realize how much I actually did do for him, how much I did support him, and that I was his ‘safety’ net. I honestly think he thought I'd support him emotionally through our D and that I would accept his fake apology or ask him to come home by now.
I do fear it will get worse before it will get better though. I really do take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back emotionally / mentally, which overall is a good thing because I feel stronger every day. But, his behavior is so erratic I never know which person I'm going to get! Will I get kind WH, threatening WH, mean WH, reasonable WH, blaming WH, angry WH, etc. So, I'll keep doing NC as much as possible and protect myself.
@ChamomileTea - my STBWxH doesn't understand how threatening his behavior has been. That him trying to get into the house without my permission makes me scared about his stability because he can't even respect boundaries. It just proves how little he understands how much pain he's caused and how his erratic behavior comes off to me and others around him.
@Bonetired – A friend of mine turned me on to Dr. Ramani’s YouTube channel and it has been a lifesaver! I’ve learned so much about narc behaviors and how to manage through them. Some days I do better than others, but it’s a step in the right direction. I had no idea there was so much terminology around this ... such a wakeup call. I did reach out to her admin and asked if she could do a video on narcs and the entitlement around infidelity. She is planning on doing a video in the future!
Saturday we have a mediation with my STBWxH, and I won’t lie … I’m really nervous! TONS of anxiety. Please send me some of those good vibes SI! I know I've got to leave all the emotions and grief out of it, but that is SOOOO difficult when I'm only 4 months into this dang trauma.