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Divorce/Separation :
The Sh*# Hit the Fan

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 Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 7:27 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

For those of you who don't know my story: WW of twenty years is a serial cheater. The D papers have been filed and we are just waiting for the decree to come back from the court. She continues to live in her house and I moved into a condo. We have been mostly no contact except for text messages regarding our daughters.

Over the past few months I had been in a FWB relationship with a woman I had known for many years. We broke the sexual component of the friendship off a couple weekends ago because we felt ourselves getting too close, and neither of us wanted to get into anything serious. However, we remain friends.

Well, I had kept this FWB relationship secret from everyone except for everyone here on SI, including my daughters. Somehow, I don't know how, my STBXWW found out about my relationship with this woman over this past weekend, and she went through the roof. She called me up Saturday morning crying and screaming and it took me a while to figure out what she was talking about. For a second I was worried that something had happened to my younger daughter who lives full time with her, and then I remembered my daughter was upstairs sleeping. I get her on the weekends.

Anyways I finally figure out she found out about my FWB, and this stupid woman had the audacity to judge me for cheating on her and not staying true to her during the duration of the divorce proceedings.

"How could you do this?!"

"So did you do this for revenge? To hurt me?"

Blah, blah, blah. I asked her how she found out and she wouldn't tell me. Well, I told her I wasn't apologizing and that she had some temerity bitching about me having occasional sex with one woman, while she herself has a revolving door for a vagina. She sees men on the weekends when I have my daughter and I haven't made a fuss.

I eventually blocked her cold off my phone and have been ignoring her, but she is still trying to get at me. I'm assuming at some point she will show up here at my condo, at which point I may call the cops.

It simply astonishes me how waywards think that what they do is acceptable, but when it is done to them they freak out and play victim. It's rather laughable.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8609672
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 7:33 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

It's ridiculous. The first time I had a guy stay overnight with me, my ex somehow found out, stalked his fucking Facebook, and was commenting to me about how his disabled daughter would really be a hamper on our relationship - it's like excuse me sir what the fuck!

I'm sorry that happened to you - my friend's ex-husband came over to her house when they were separated, something to do with the kids, and dug around in her closet and found her digital camera and some pictures with a man. Called her every name in the book - and she found out later he had a whole-ass secret girlfriend prior to that!

Hypocrites.

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8609677
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BigBlueEyes ( member #71441) posted at 8:00 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

Well, I told her I wasn't apologizing and that she had some temerity bitching about me having occasional sex with one woman, while she herself has a revolving door for a vagina

Haha omg I literally spat my coffee all over myself whilst reading that last bit...lovely choice of words 😂

Seriously though it’s Mind boggling how she has the nerve to be so upset!!

[This message edited by BigBlueEyes at 2:02 PM, November 16th (Monday)]

Me- BW, 47
Multi Dday's,
DB A's x 2 BFF
Multi ONS's, Online shit.
Serial cheat, Abuser,
D 18.02.20
Stay strong, just because it’s hard today, doesn’t mean that next week it won’t get easier!!

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 11th, 2019   ·   location: A tiny dot in a big 'ol World
id 8609686
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GotTheShaft ( member #52466) posted at 8:08 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

Westway, sorry the sex part of your FWB dissolved. Don't apologize to your WW. Don't even engage in an argument with her about this - it has nothing to do with your children, and therefore it's none of her business who you are sleeping with now that you're in divorce proceedings.

posts: 432   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2016
id 8609689
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 Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 8:24 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

It actually doesn't bother me. I am watching her with total emotional detachment. Every day I come up with one more reason in my mind why divorcing her is the absolute right thing to do. I feel bad for my daughters though, because they are watching their mom fly off the rails in slow motion.

I just looked at my blocked call log: three calls from her in the last two hours.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8609700
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:51 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

Geebus these WS's are nucking futs

I mean what did she think was going to happen you are separated and on the way to a D.

My XWS like yours also has a revolving door and he just accused me of having a BF. They are a special kind of stupid aren't they?

fBS/fWS(me):50 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(20) DS(17)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8753   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8609712
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99problems ( member #59373) posted at 9:15 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

What in the actual fuck is wrong with these people.
I guess they way they want us to be is tortured and unhappy either with them or away from them.
Good on you for blocking her. That's the only thing that gets through to them.
These people are unredeemable, worthless leeches. (Sorry leeches)

Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,

posts: 1010   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8609725
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 9:40 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

Please do call the cops if she shows up. Not even worth risking shit getting out of control.

while she herself has a revolving door for a vagina

OMGGGGG I guffawed out loud at this!!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8609732
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BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 9:54 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

It's always a little surprising and yet a little amusing how delusional they are.

Not trying to make you paranoid, but do you think she reads SI trying to get information on you??

If so: hey MsWestway--first of all, fuck off. Secondly, what did you think was going to happen??

Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
Now
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide

posts: 3411   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2014
id 8609737
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 Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 10:07 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

I think it is becoming real for her. I think that maybe she had this fantasy that somehow I would someday forgive her and that maybe I might be available as a fall-back plan for her once her looks fail and men don't want her anymore. Well I just blew up that fantasy.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8609739
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 Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 10:08 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

My FWB knows some of my WW's friends and I think maybe she might have spilled the beans and the word got out. That's okay. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8609740
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 10:28 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

This is just funny as heck.

My XWH was no smarter than this. He "accused" me of sleeping around and having a boyfriend after I left. I wasn't, but it certainly wouldn't have been his business if I had. Yep, I think you just took yourself off of her mental shelf. She probably did have you as an option for later. As if you'd just be sitting alone in the dark pining and waiting for her call. Whew, entitlement!

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 5083   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8609742
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 Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 10:45 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

DevastatedDee

This is just funny as heck.

My XWH was no smarter than this. He "accused" me of sleeping around and having a boyfriend after I left. I wasn't, but it certainly wouldn't have been his business if I had. Yep, I think you just took yourself off of her mental shelf. She probably did have you as an option for later. As if you'd just be sitting alone in the dark pining and waiting for her call. Whew, entitlement!

Entitlement is right. But she has always been a spoiled princess her whole life. And I know I didn't help because I doted on her too.

Yeah she wanted me to pine away for her until I died miserable and alone, curled up in a fetal position, naked, in some cold corner of a dank, dark house at the end of a lonely street.

Nah!

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8609749
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worldofpotential ( member #61244) posted at 10:47 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

Hahaha the entitlement and hypocrisy. You can't have what she's having! To the distorted cheater mind, that's unfair and outrageous because you're all hers, even if she doesn't want you right now.

Nicely played sir, and the WW doesn't realise how she's affirming your choice to D.

Me BW (41) WH (47)
ILYBINILWY August 2017 when he walked out
Wreckonciliation 2 weeks later
D-Day November 2017 (OW 25)
On the road to D since I am nobody's plan B

posts: 54   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2017
id 8609751
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 10:53 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

miserable and alone, curled up in a fetal position, naked, in some cold corner of a dank, dark house at the end of a lonely street.

Between this and the revolving vagina door...I'm dead.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4516   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8609754
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worldofpotential ( member #61244) posted at 11:03 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

Entitlement is right. But she has always been a spoiled princess her whole life. And I know I didn't help because I doted on her too.

Then the more fool her for throwing that back in your face. I'm 3 years out from my D-Day and my D is coming up in a week (long story, couldn't get it sooner). Sometimes I wonder why I still read these boards but I find stories like yours really clarifying.

My STBXH was much like your XWW. I worshipped him. I pulled the plug on our marriage once I learnt about the infidelity, after a very rocky patch where I fought for us with everything that I had. I have the occasional thought that I didn't try hard enough to R after I learnt about the multiple OW. Now I realise that being married to a pillar of entitlement was really hard work, life is much freaking better now since I'm allowed to have it my way sometimes (all the time?).

Me BW (41) WH (47)
ILYBINILWY August 2017 when he walked out
Wreckonciliation 2 weeks later
D-Day November 2017 (OW 25)
On the road to D since I am nobody's plan B

posts: 54   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2017
id 8609757
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 Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 11:48 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

worldofpotential

Hahaha the entitlement and hypocrisy. You can't have what she's having! To the distorted cheater mind, that's unfair and outrageous because you're all hers, even if she doesn't want you right now.

Nicely played sir, and the WW doesn't realise how she's affirming your choice to D.

Thanks. You know she is sort of like a dog that buries her bone. She's through chewing on it, and never plans on chewing it again, but if she finds out another dog is sniffing around where she buried that bone she runs over and snarls and shows her fangs and tries to chase the other dog off. My WW doesn't want me anymore, but she doesn't want anyone else to have me either.

WhoTheBleep

miserable and alone, curled up in a fetal position, naked, in some cold corner of a dank, dark house at the end of a lonely street.

Between this and the revolving vagina door...I'm dead.

Yeah my WW was offended that I had the gall to ditch her and move on so quickly. She literally assumed I would end up alone, and carry the torch for her the rest of my life. Because, you know, she is just that special and irreplaceable right? Well, she found out she is very replaceable and that other women think I am a catch… which I am.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8609764
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 Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 11:49 PM on Monday, November 16th, 2020

And what makes matters worse is that my STBXWW cannot stand my FWB. They knew each other in high school and were rivals of sorts.

Oh it couldn't get more delish.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8609765
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 12:30 AM on Tuesday, November 17th, 2020

That's beautiful, Westway. Please keep us posted

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4516   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8609778
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 12:49 AM on Tuesday, November 17th, 2020

And what makes matters worse is that my STBXWW cannot stand my FWB. They knew each other in high school and were rivals of sorts.

Ok, whew. Take a breath.

posts: 9505   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8609784
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