SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Best thing you can do IMHO is take any and all weird and negative reaction from your ex, think about it for a minute and then say out aloud “Thank God I am moving away from that craziness”. Use her actions to confirm you are on the right track and to affirm that you need to place emotional and physical distance between you and her.

Bigger

Best thing you can do IMHO is take any and all weird and negative reaction from your ex, think about it for a minute and then say out aloud “Thank God I am moving away from that craziness”. Use her actions to confirm you are on the right track and to affirm that you need to place emotional and physical distance between you and her.

Interesting you brought this up. My lease on my condo will be up in two and a half years. By that time my youngest will be graduated and I think I am going to move out of the city and head west toward Lansing. There are some good deals on rural real estate out there. I want to get out of the city and away from the xWW. It will be a huge step in my healing and starting a new life for myself, and I can be closer to where my girls are going to college.

My eventual scheme is to get my girls as far away from their mom and her evil influence as possible. And yes, that is how I see the woman now: evil, as in the Biblical sense.

[This message edited by Westway at 10:25 AM, November 20th (Friday)]

A few months before I discovered my ex-wife's second affair, I was at her brother's bachelor party where my other brother-in-law tried to get the groom and myself in a little trouble with a prostitute. Both of us begged off and a big laugh was had by all. When we got back to the house, my brother-in-law related the story to my ex-wife and the bride to be. My ex-wife was livid and hurt that I would have cheated on her. I explained to her that I had no intention and, in fact, did not do anything. I found her reaction somewhat bizarre since I was almost positive she was involved in her second affair. I thought to myself, maybe she wasn't cheating on me. Why could she be so indignant if she were cheating? Well, as it turned out, she was cheating and her faux concern proved nothing. WWs are generally selfish egotists who only think about themselves. They can turn empathy on and off like a light switch.

[This message edited by src9043 at 3:25 PM, December 8th (Tuesday)]

Now that the D is final, what are you going to do with all the dirt on the XW?

Hold on to it.

Look, she knows I know she's a slvt. I got what I wanted in the divorce and she will be fine, so she doesn't want to rock the boat either. It's not like she has tried hard to hide her shenanigans since we split up.

She's ashamed of what she is but she cannot stop herself. She has to have that validation. It is her addiction. And she knows I have the dirt of four of her OMs to share with her family if she crosses me. She doesn't know I have info on twelve men. I'll keep that dagger in my boot.

My STBXWW is very Italian and very ethnic looking. She literally has a Roman nose, but it is surrounded by a really lovely face. My WW would, to most people, be an attractive woman. If you have ever seen Gina Lollobrigida, my WW is a dead ringer for her except my WW has a slightly more pronounced proboscis.

Now that actually does sound attractive. My tastes have always laid in the Celtic direction, but variety is the spice of life. Gina Lollobrigida was a hottie back in the day...

She's ashamed of what she is but she cannot stop herself. She has to have that validation. It is her addiction.

So, in your recent heart to heart with your wife, she actually said "I wish I could have been a better wife to you".. towards the end there. Has she ever made the connection between her actions and your response? It would have been pretty easy to be that good wife to you, you know, if she just hadn't slept with all those strangers. Even now she is engaged in risky behaviors from what I've seen you comment on here and there. It truly isn't your circus any more, but I'm wondering if this is some form of mental health problem. You really ought to be able to figure out that a behavior has the potential to destroy your life and put a stop to it. I mean "ought to".. in the hopeful sense, I've never been an addict.

On the upside, she can hardly make a case against you for pursuing your own relationships now, right?

And now being able to fully advertise your relationship with her high school rival on social media has to sound especially delicious.

KingofNothing

So, in your recent heart to heart with your wife, she actually said "I wish I could have been a better wife to you".. towards the end there. Has she ever made the connection between her actions and your response? It would have been pretty easy to be that good wife to you, you know, if she just hadn't slept with all those strangers. Even now she is engaged in risky behaviors from what I've seen you comment on here and there. It truly isn't your circus any more, but I'm wondering if this is some form of mental health problem. You really ought to be able to figure out that a behavior has the potential to destroy your life and put a stop to it. I mean "ought to".. in the hopeful sense, I've never been an addict.

On the upside, she can hardly make a case against you for pursuing your own relationships now, right?

I really do think she is mourning the death of the marriage. I actually do think she feels bad about it, and I think she hates herself to some degree. But you may be right about it being a mental issue. I once asked her if she was ever raped or molested as a kid and she vehemently denied it. She actually got mad at me for asking. So, I dunno, I don't think it is any kind of CSA thing. I think it is vanity. Pure vanity. She was told all the time growing up that she was not as pretty as her sisters (not true) by her grandmothers and that really damaged her. I think she grew up with a lot of body shame and feelings of inadequacy. She was the middle girl and she was never able to compete with her gorgeous older sister or her super smart, valedictorian younger sister. Hers is one of the most fucked up families you have ever seen. Mario Puzo could have written a great book based off them.

So when she got to high school, she had not really come into her own as a beauty. She had a bigger than average nose and her eyes were kind of crossed a tiny bit. Her dad would not let her wear makeup until she was sixteen. The only boys who paid her attention were the black boys, so she gravitated towards them and eventually they became her preferred type of male.

[This message edited by Westway at 3:30 PM, December 11th (Friday)]

Tron

And now being able to fully advertise your relationship with her high school rival on social media has to sound especially delicious.

It was never my intent, but I do have to say it did bring some satisfaction knowing that she realized that other attractive women find me attractive. I find it fascinating how some wives, especially the ones who cheat, never stop to think that other women may find their husbands desirable. It just shows how bored they are with us and how much they take us for granted.