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Newest Member: InkHulk

Just Found Out :
is this real?

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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 6:26 PM on Monday, January 18th, 2021

Ignore every word of Dismayed's ridiculous post. He either hasn't read that the man is beating your children's mother while they are there, or has zero idea as to how traumatizing and damaging that is for a child.

It's the most shockingly horrible post I read on this site. Pay it zero attention.

posts: 4387   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8626148
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 7:33 PM on Monday, January 18th, 2021

Well,

Although I disagree with it. It did one thing. Made me soul search.

Would it be easy for me to just ignore this? Yes. I would go on with life, getting my 1 week to myself. I wouldn't have to bother with a full time nanny. I would get to keep the money im paying extra in lawyer fees for this. I would get to work my normal schedule.

But, I just cant. When push comes to shove, I am willing to sacrifice my life for my children.

His post also made me question if I am really still trying to save her, or use my kids as bargaining chips...

Nope, still don't feel that way. I haven't spoke with her in some time. My wounds are healing nicely

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8626164
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 8:34 PM on Monday, January 18th, 2021

If any of my xWW's boyfriends hurt one of my girls, that man would need to leave the country. He would be the walking dead. You need to make this abundantly clear to shithead: he can wail on your WW all he wants when the kids aren't around, and it is her problem if she wants to stay and put up with it. But if one of your kids comes to you with the smallest scratch, the tiniest bruise, you are calling the police, CPS and all branches of the armed forces to bear on him.

One thing you should do between now and the actual custody hearing is have your lawyer petition the court to assign a court ordered child advocate for your children. It is an additional layer of protection to ensure your kids are not being neglected or abused during the time between hearings. The advocate will make periodic visits to your WW's apartment to check up on them and make sure they are being treated okay.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8626190
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MountainGuy ( new member #75436) posted at 8:38 PM on Monday, January 18th, 2021

Take a step back from the situation. If it was someone you weren't emotionally/legally tied to, what would you think your obligations here would be?

Lets say it was just some woman who lived across the street from you? Would you still call the police to report it?

As much as you may dislike someone, at a certain point basic human decency requires action.

I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, just pointing out that if you'd do the same thing for a stranger, there's nothing wrong with you doing it for your soon to be ex too.

posts: 49   ·   registered: Sep. 15th, 2020
id 8626191
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Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 1:41 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2021

I agree with MountainGuy. And isn't the new BF an ex-con? Is he on parole? If he is, I have to imagine that this would be a violation, and if reported to his PO, it would send his happy ass right back to jail.

posts: 1593   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8626355
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DoinBettr ( member #71209) posted at 5:31 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2021

This new BF should have a public criminal record if he was in prison. Something your lawyer should know.

Also, maybe have a quick conversation with him about how you will report him to his PO in a hot second if your kids are ever involved.

Your soon to be XWW was associated with a criminal. Her new BF is probably on parole. Your wife could very easily be used to get this guy's parole revoked as associating with people and known criminals. It would be as simple as stating the previous association with recordings to support them.

Prisons like to keep people locked up. It is profitable and keeps the idiots who can't obey the law centralized.

posts: 704   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8626438
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 7:48 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2021

I get what dismayed is trying to say. Until you can get this before a judge your children are in the house with that man. What he is saying is to keep them from stirring up a hornets nest until you can get this resolved. The rest of it I don’t understand. She’s the mother of your children and the woman you married and you loved her. That counts for something.

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 3343   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8626477
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SlapNutsABingo ( member #71353) posted at 9:13 PM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2021

If any of my xWW's boyfriends hurt one of my girls, that man would need to leave the country.

Truth spoken here, he wouldn't even have to lift a finger if he didn't want to. One call to his ex in-laws.....

he can wail on your WW all he wants when the kids aren't around

I get the meaning, really do. I mean no disrespect, but no...No more wailing on women, no no nope never.

Once again WW, I get what your "meaning" was.

[This message edited by SlapNutsABingo at 3:14 PM, January 19th (Tuesday)]

posts: 383   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: WI
id 8626513
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Westway ( member #71747) posted at 10:42 PM on Wednesday, January 20th, 2021

I get the meaning, really do. I mean no disrespect, but no...No more wailing on women, no no nope never.

I'm not advocating he wail on her, but if it is her choice to stay with OM then she is mentally sick. To consciously leave a non-abusive man to go live with an abusive man is a clear indicator that she is mentally and emotionally compromised, and not fit to parent children. She's not making healthy choices.

Me: 52;

XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater

Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.

posts: 1366   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8626814
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 12:32 AM on Thursday, January 21st, 2021

Still waiting.

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8626846
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 1:10 AM on Thursday, January 21st, 2021

Know se are with you in spirit. So sad. For everyone.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12120   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8626857
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newlife03 ( member #56527) posted at 12:51 AM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

@ Dismayed2012

They must live with him; don't make their trauma worse than it has to be; allow them to be blissfully ignorant for now.

This brings me to tears. How often do we hear of children killed by the mom's boyfriend when the mom says she didn't know his behavior? This mom DOES know. Their dad knows. I didn't look to see if you had children, but may God bless them if they are ever put in a dangerous situation and your answer is to "allow them to be blissfully ignorant for now."

@ subverted,

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. As a parent I highly commend you for putting your kids first. And for talking to the original AP the way you did. That conversation could have gone in so many directions. I hope things work out in your favor for your sake as well as for your kids.

Me - 50
Kids 25, 22, 18
1st DDay in 2006, 2nd in 2007
D in 2009
Happily Committed to SO since 2011

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: ID
id 8627078
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 1:19 AM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

I will know my fate come morning. Its no longer in my hands. I am just a pawn.

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8627082
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Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 1:23 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Checking in to see how you are doing. I worked with child services (long time ago) and I remember how messed up the system was.

I know that there is a chance that you will risk losing your kids altogether if you do not allow them to go back. It's not right. It's not fair. It's not the way is should be but I've seen it happen. I hope and pray that it doesn't. If the kids are going back into that house do they have a way to contact you if there is any thing going on that isn't right? If they hear fighting, if they don't have how water or electricity? if their mother looks hurt or OM look drunk or high?

You can also call Department of Human services to do a check-up on the house. Let them know what you saw the last time you were there. That you are frightened for your children. That the guy is on parol.

Again I don't want this to happen but if you go to jail where are your kids going to go? If all your money is focused on your own court costs - how are you going to get custody? I'm not saying send the kids over without a fight but legally you need to becareful -- listen to your lawyer. Make sure the kids have access to you and a plan to get out (good negibor) See both OM and ExWW and the house when you drop them off. Ask ExWW if you can keep them another day (might as well give it a shot)...

I worked in the foster care system and remember how difficult it was to take kids away from dangerous parents. Good luck and I'm saying a prayer for you and your kids.

posts: 2807   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 8627183
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 10:51 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Justice prevails.

I filed Emergency Ex Parte on Thursday, judge made us have an emergency hearing today at 3pm.

All of my evidence shows that the children are not safe in her care. Judge granted me full custody, and supervised visitation for mom.

She really made a scene in the court room.

I am waiting for retaliation.

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8627450
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Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 10:55 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Congratulations on the victory!

You did a great job protecting the kids

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 679   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8627453
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guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 11:00 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Happy for you and your children. I hope you all get rid of all this nonsense completely as soon as possible.

posts: 637   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8627456
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Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 11:01 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Yes! I am so glad to hear this. Thanks for the update.

She really made a scene in the court room.

I am waiting for retaliation.

Hold strong. These things are only going to make her look worse. Save and document everything.

[This message edited by Freeme at 5:05 PM, January 22nd (Friday)]

posts: 2807   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 8627457
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 subverted (original poster member #74713) posted at 3:07 AM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Thanks guys.

Long road ahead of me still. This is going to effect my work life, since I will have to find a full time sitter for the summer when the kids are not with grandma and gramps. I am grateful to have my girlfriend around to help out. She's really been my rock thru all of this.

My WW really gave the judge a bad impression of herself. Lots of lies while under oath. She was cross examined by my attorney who called out many of these lies. The judge straight up said her story is not very credible, and goes in circles lie after lie that cannot be explained. Such as her hitting herself in the face with her phone, causing the black eye. I gave them the police report for crying out loud. She will have to find a 3rd party supervisor for weekly visitation. She was also sent for a drug screen right after our hearing.

I had nothing to fear since I had the truth on my side. This man she's with, was charged with so many felonies it is disgusting. Officer as. B and E, Child abuse, 5 domestic as, robbery, giving minors alch, obstruction, felony weapons, phone hacking, ect ect the list goes on for miles...

What is she thinking. Was he more important than her children?

posts: 104   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2020
id 8627481
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 4:30 AM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

I am so relieved for you and your children.

It is to your benefit that she exposed her dark side in court and it’s on the record.

Please be diligent with your safety as her BF is clearly dangerous. Let everyone with supervision of your kids know that she isn’t allowed to be with them.

Take a breath now. You fought for and won the safety of your children.

posts: 1074   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8627490
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