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Divorce/Separation :
And here we go

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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:20 AM on Wednesday, June 28th, 2023

For me, right now, there is no silver lining or life will be great one day feeling. It's just a shit sandwich on top of a stew of crap with a side of fuck this shit. Lol

Just taking little M to the ER was a shitshow because the piece of crap vehicle I have been driving doesn't like the rain and we had ALOT OF RAIN! The Wipers radio, fan will just randomly turn off, then on then off....I gotta bone to pick with DODGE! Serious electrical issues with all the dodge I have owned!

If all goes well tomorrow I'll have my own vehicle here. If. Maybe. For the love of God it better work out!

There's 2 more days left of school. I'm just praying these kids make it through without requiring anymore ER visits.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797156
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 3:04 PM on Wednesday, June 28th, 2023

Divorce is terrifying. I was scared shitless when I just started on the process, and I didn't even have kids with mine. It's okay to be scared, that just shows you're smart. What is not okay IMHO is letting that fear keep you stuck in a toxic situation. Which you aren't. Scared is very normal where you're at right now Dragn. But this too shall pass.

Some of the best commentary that I have ever read on this site. Let this soak in.

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5419   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8797219
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:10 PM on Wednesday, June 28th, 2023

I'm just in a mood. Other things haven't worked out and I'm just sick of constant bad.

Frankly I've gone from one bad situation to another so nothing has really changed. It's just bad to bad. How exactly is that supposed to be a good thing?

If not for the generosity of people (thank you from the bottom of my heart!) we would not have food in the house!

And the whole just go to the food bank is crap! They have very little as it is and nothing my kids will eat! Joys of picky eaters.

I have bills piling up and no damn government assistance yet and sure as shit ain't getting a damn thing from wh until he's actually forced to by the court and who knows when that will be.

So yeah while 3 months, 6 months, a year from now things will be great right now it's awful and there's no way to sugar coat that.

And to top it off my one brother, while trying to help, is also doing a fine job of pointing out everything that needs to get done and making me feel like shit becauze something as simple as cutting the grass I can't do cause I have NO gas!

My mother won't even talk to me for more than a couple of minutes like she's pissed off I just didn't shut up and take it like her and every woman in her family has done.

It's hard to see the light at the end of the funnel as a good thing when you're strapped to the tracks and know the light is a damn train.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797228
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 4:33 PM on Wednesday, June 28th, 2023

This makes me think of a line from the movie "Easy A." I'm paraphrasing here but it basically says sure, tomorrow will be better but right now is today, and today sucks.

Just keep on keeping on, and do whatever things you can along the way to help/take care of yourself, no matter how small they are. They'll build on each other, I promise. <3

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16592   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8797231
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 5:09 PM on Wednesday, June 28th, 2023

I'm doing my best to do do things to keep spirits up. One day at a time.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797239
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:03 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

It's Thursday and I'm a wreck. Tomorrow the mortgage is due and I have another bill to pay and I'm 100% sure stxwh won't deposit any money.

Even if social services comes through with just an emergency payment it won't be deposited in time.

I really don't feel better off in any way right now.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797366
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 3:15 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

Is there a way we can help you, DragnHeart? Why don't you start a GoFundMe or something similar? Maybe mods would let you post the link. There are many of us here, and maybe we could get you a little help.

Keep pushing. Just keep going day-by-day. Eventually that fuck head will have to pay what he owes.

me: BS/WSh: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5884   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8797383
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:25 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

A gofund me in my name could result in wh being entitled to half of it. I dont want to risk that. It has been discussed in private. I've tried to convince family to do that for me but they aren't willing. It sure would help though.

I have received assistance from members which I greatly appreciate. There's no words to express that really. If not for that kindness we wouldn't have had food these last few weeks.

I'm waiting for a call back about the government financial assistance, waiting on the certificate I need to process the court papers and waiting for my new insurance slips so I can go pick up my vehicle which my brother bought for me.

Lots of waiting.

In the mean time I'm closely watching Little M who woke up with a fever and has a upset stomach. She's missing her last day of school. The poor kid has three massive bruises from her fall. Glad school pictures aren't done at the end of the year lol

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797385
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HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 5:12 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

Owning it Now,
You don't have private messages enabled, I guess. If you were to enable that feature temporarily I'd love to interact further with you. smile

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4956   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8797409
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TheEnd ( member #72213) posted at 6:44 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

I don't know about where you live but are there food banks or churches nearby that offer some support? Every town in my state seems to have a town run food bank for folks to at least get some basic supplies. Lots of churches off the same (the Mormon's are particularly generous). Just some thoughts on stretching your pennies and keeping the kids fed.

posts: 622   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2019
id 8797426
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:53 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

There are food banks but their practically empty and don't have much of what the kids will eat.

I was given a list of other places and a form for a summer lunch program that starts next week.

Ain't that just awful.

Trying to make things better for us and they've gotten considerably worse. How absolutely cruel and uncaring can a father be to not want to make sure his kids are taken care of but then call and ask the oldest when she wants to meet her half brother. Jerk!

I shouldn't have paid the insurance! And sure as shit ain't going to pay the last installment for him next month. I have my own insurance to pay for now.

Everything is now set for me to pick up MY vehicle. Yay. Just need a ride down to get it and transfer it to my name.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797428
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 8:11 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

Congrats on the new car Drgn! It will be such a relief when you're not driving the barfmobile around.

Hang in there.

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

posts: 1183   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8797445
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 11:08 PM on Thursday, June 29th, 2023

I really don't feel better off in any way right now.


For me, right now, there is no silver lining or life will be great one day feeling. It's just a shit sandwich on top of a stew of crap with a side of fuck this shit.


Frankly I've gone from one bad situation to another so nothing has really changed. It's just bad to bad. How exactly is that supposed to be a good thing?


It's hard to see the light at the end of the funnel as a good thing when you're strapped to the tracks and know the light is a damn train.

Dragn, I SO felt a lot of this too in those early days. Allllll of that feeling of wtf and feeling unmoored and completely farked... that's totally NORMAL where you are at right now. It's okay that you aren't okay. And it's gonna take time for you to BE okay and that's normal too. FWIW, I am so fucking sorry that you're on the struggle bus right now - it's plumb awful to be there.

With all of that said.

As much as I can feel your stress about your situation, that voice in your head has power right now. And if all the voice is telling you is that everything is shit and horrible and will never get better, that is going to have a very detrimental affect on you with where you're at in this moment.

YES - SHIT ABSOLUTELY SUCKS... for NOW. Embrace the suck. Stare the suck in the eye and tell it it sucks. But don't let the suck derail you. Because this too shall pass. I KNOW it doesn't feel like that right in this very moment on this very day, but it WILL, I promise you. I didn't think it would for me either, and I thought the SIers telling me that were total assholes when I was where you are. But they weren't, and having them tell me that over and over and over again helped me get through it. THIS. TOO. SHALL. PASS. I made myself a sticky on my mirror that said that and read it a hundred times a day to remind me that even if shit was upside down and fucked all to hell today, that it wouldn't STAY that way - and my situation didn't and I swear to you that yours won't either.

As hard as it is, try your best to tell yourself one positive thing today. Even if all you got is 'I put pants on even if I didn't feel like it' or 'that poptart was good' or whatever - just find ONE thing, no matter how small, to look at with some positivity. It really helps - just try it. Just like one little spark can burn a whole forest down - one teeeeeeny spark of joy and happy can do big things.

Hang in there lady!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8797483
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:33 AM on Friday, June 30th, 2023

I know everyone means well but a positive voice in my head isn't going to put food on the table or gas in the vehicle so I can go do laundry.

I can't get into details as I've said but this isn't just a short cash situation. It's a No money coming in at all other than that which people have donated.

Understand I can have all the positive thoughts I want, that's not going to magically conjure up the real stuff we need.

I need money to pay to get new copies of the paperwork the government wants which is crazy since it's the government that has the damn paperwork! 5-10 business days to wait for one thing, another week for something else.

I'm getting the damn run around and I'm desperate!

I have to wait until the end of August to qualify to have my child benefits adjusted and get any other benefits (90 days separated!).

Add to that kids who feel their father doesn't love them because he can't even give them food money.

I used the last of the fuel money to take ds to his IC appointment which he desperately needs because he's totally lost it a few times. Dd goes next week and I'm praying I can get her there because she's stated she hates her life.

Now I'm putting on a good show for the kids, trying to be as positive as I can but there's a reality even they need to understand. I can't drive them to their friends house for a visit, I can't pay the internet so this will be the last weekend with it which means once my phone data is done I'll be out of touch with everyone.

I've done everything I've been told to and I'm still getting shit on.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797499
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 2:29 AM on Friday, June 30th, 2023

Dragnhart {{hugs}}. You and your kids will get through this. Dinged but intact. Not sure about Canada, but eviction for non-payment of mortgages in the US takes around a year. Banks really don't want the property back and there are legal requirements before they can move to foreclose. Assuming that there is a joint mortgage, not paying that impacts both of you equally. Whether you buy food, gas, or other bills related to your household in the end only impacts you and the kids unless his name is listed on the accounts. Keep tracking your kids expenses. The courts should require him to carry at least 50% of their costs so you should be able to get back support if he is not paying currently. One foot in front of the other. I know it doesn't look that way now, but there is a better life on the other side.

posts: 1602   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8797512
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:42 AM on Friday, June 30th, 2023

Not keeping up with the mortgage means the chances of getting another one if I'm forced to sell this place is like non existent.

He's screwing both of us to have a future. I don't give a rats ass about him, wish he would jump off a bridge, but I do care about MY credit and if I'll be able to get us a new home. So it matters.

I am keeping receipts of all expenses so that I can show the court how he hasn't contributed at all to his children.

It's hard not to worry when my main concern is keeping my kids fed. I'll call the list of places I was given and set up the kids for the lunch program on Monday when they start. Between then and now. Guess it's crackers and dry cereal and the couple cans of noodles we have left. At least this is one way for me to lose weight lol

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797516
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:00 AM on Friday, June 30th, 2023

OIN thank you! smile

Little M has been sleeping on and off all day, in-between throwing up. Tylenol has finally brought down the fever. She's drinking sips of water. It's so hard to see her sick.

I hope this doesn't make the rounds here. I have a busy day tomorrow and can't be sick.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797522
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kiwilee ( member #10426) posted at 4:22 AM on Friday, June 30th, 2023

Do you have Venmo? Is it allowed to post Venmo so members can help you?

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8797524
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kiwilee ( member #10426) posted at 4:23 AM on Friday, June 30th, 2023

Is your family in a spot to help? Just keep going. I know it’s easier said than done. I know you are running into so much red tape. Keep moving forward, one step at a time.

You are in a tough spot and being tested. This happens when you are trying to break an abuse cycle.

You are brave and doing hard things! “Just keep swimming” said Nemo. It’s truly all you can do right now.

[This message edited by kiwilee at 4:28 AM, Friday, June 30th]

posts: 663   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2006
id 8797525
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:52 AM on Friday, June 30th, 2023

Venmo isn't available in Canada.

My family is helping as much as they can.

The red tape is beyond annoying. You'd think for as serious and desperate a situation this is people wouldn't be dragging their feet. I've been instructed to call again tomorrow and speak with a different caseworker. I have some of the stuff they asked for so I'm praying for an emergency fund it will be enough.

I need to pick up the prescription my doc called in for me. Hopefully that helps my mental state a bit more.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 25799   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8797527
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