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Newest Member: BallofAnxiety

New Beginnings :
I guess it's safe to update

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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 2:12 PM on Sunday, November 20th, 2022

Well, I thought it might be time for an update. The two-step lessons my daughter and I are taking are going very well, and she is getting better quickly. She really looks forward to our Saturday nights together. EXWW and her on again off again boyfriend are there, so things are still a bit weird.

Ive been holding off celebrating as I am a catastrophist... wonder why? Things don't tend to work out for me. But the really big news is that we are moving in three weeks. I just signed the papers on a townhouse in a great location, within walking distace to everything and on two bus routes. It has enough room for all of us and still have a spare room for guests. I finally have my own room. I've been sleeping in the dining room of our 800 square foot apartment for 3.5 years now and it is wearing on me.

There is an in-law suite in the basement, so my older D is moving down there. My younger D will be upstairs down the hall from me. It's an older complex,so I'll need to reno the kitchen, replace some flooring and spruce it up, something I love doing, so I'll have purpose again. The big thing is that I'll finally be able to invite people over again, something I've avoided here as I'm pretty embarrassed when it comes to my living situation. Oh, and it has a wood fireplace that is grandfathered so I'll be able to enjoy winter evenings at home. But the biggest bonus is that I will be able to have my kids with me longterm. Even my peppery one.馃槈

[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 2:58 PM, Tuesday, November 22nd]

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1413   路   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   路   location: Canada
id 8766053
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 2:51 PM on Sunday, November 20th, 2022

Congratulations!!!! It sounds absolutely perfect. Will you be moved in by Christmas?

I love home improvement projects and remodeled my kitchen mostly by myself two years ago. You'll be able to take your time and do everything just as you want. So much fun!

Congrats again. You deserve all the happiness coming your way. Enjoy it.

me: BS/WSh: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5704   路   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   路   location: Midwest
id 8766058
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 3:50 PM on Sunday, November 20th, 2022

Should be in just before Christmas and I have a two week overlap with when I need to be out of my old place.

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1413   路   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   路   location: Canada
id 8766063
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:58 PM on Sunday, November 20th, 2022

Great update! Congratulations!!

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5221   路   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   路   location: Northern CA
id 8766069
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 11:44 PM on Sunday, November 20th, 2022

Congratulations! So happy for you! Quite an accomplishment.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1689   路   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   路   location: Washington State
id 8766098
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:28 PM on Monday, November 21st, 2022

What a WONDERFUL update...thanks so much for sharing grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6388   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8766145
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

Great update!! Congratulations.

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 484   路   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8766329
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:16 PM on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

Fantastic update! That is very exciting and I'm so happy for you! Congratulations!

fBS/fWS(me):49 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(19) DS(16)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8379   路   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   路   location: California
id 8766337
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 4:03 PM on Thursday, December 1st, 2022

What amazing news! Sounds like you found the perfect place for you and your kids. Enjoy!!

Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021

posts: 1251   路   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8767508
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 1:54 PM on Wednesday, December 7th, 2022

Well, less than two weeks until I get my keys to the place. I find myself going back to my budgeting spreadsheet to confirm I can afford the place. It will be tight, but as long as I keep my side gigs going, I should be okay. Still, I find it overwhelming at times. It was nice having a partner to share the load with. Now, it's all on me.

I'm a worrier by nature, and always need a plan B, C, and D in place. I'm planning for both of my girls living with me full-time once my younger graduates. If they don't, rental spaces are in short supply, so I can always rent a room or two to students, which would cover most of my mortgage. I think the in-law suite in the basement will be a lifesaver financially when I retire.

I'm trying to take my buddy's advice he gave me after his own D experience. He told me to worry less about finances as things will work out. Here's hoping he's right...

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1413   路   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   路   location: Canada
id 8768488
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:41 PM on Wednesday, December 7th, 2022

Great update, JSG! Let us know how the home improvements are going. I love projects!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4443   路   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   路   location: USA
id 8768491
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 4:25 PM on Friday, December 9th, 2022

Excellent update ! Great news to ring in the new year.

posts: 2735   路   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8768909
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 2:05 PM on Tuesday, December 13th, 2022

Signing the papers today!

Had a nightmare last night. Dreamt EXWW and I accidentally bought a massive house on the nicest part of the lake. Although it was the lake, it looked emerald green, like the ocean with sandy beaches all around. Massive patio, multiple rooms, and what looked to be a helicopter pad. It was gorgeous.

I loved the house, and skanka was trying to offer reconciliation if I would take her back. All I would have to do is resign myself to misery for the rest of my life, but I would have a really nice house.

Then I woke up...

Fucking subconscious mind!

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1413   路   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   路   location: Canada
id 8769319
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:37 PM on Tuesday, December 13th, 2022

So happy for you!

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12995   路   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8769365
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:50 PM on Tuesday, December 13th, 2022

congratulations!

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5221   路   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   路   location: Northern CA
id 8769384
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 3:17 AM on Sunday, December 18th, 2022

Well, I got the keys yesterday and started moving boxes over in my car. I couldn't wait, plus we need the space in the apartment in order to finish packing. It's an older townhouse that needs a fair amount of work...new kitchen, floors, vanities and tlc, but it's mine. I really feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life. I think it's going to be a good one.

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1413   路   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   路   location: Canada
id 8769957
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:41 AM on Sunday, December 18th, 2022

So awesome and I hope you really enjoy all of the updates you have planned. Enjoy your new space. You deserve to be happy.

ETA: Please post updates on how it goes. It isn't always great, but I'd like to hear about updates and how to do things.

[This message edited by leafields at 5:43 AM, Sunday, December 18th]

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1689   路   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   路   location: Washington State
id 8769962
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 4:11 PM on Friday, December 30th, 2022

The move is done and I am fully out of my old place. It is really weird having my own room with the kids each having a space for themselves. Even though we are in the centre of town, it is surprisingly quiet.

I have been enjoying the fireplace most of all. My buddy has a business which generates a lot of wood waste, so I can get all the kiln dried wood I need. I feel a little guilty burning quarter sawn fir but they create a nice heat.

The kitchen is driving me nuts, so I'm going to try to gut it in the spring. Just need to getvthe kitchen guys in here to do the layout as it is a little too complex for me. I'll do the installation though. That's easy enough.

Moving forward...

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1413   路   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   路   location: Canada
id 8771472
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FindingaWayHome ( new member #78829) posted at 10:22 PM on Friday, December 30th, 2022

Hi JSG,
Thanks for sharing some good news about your new beginning.
How is your relationship with your children going?
Did you enjoy the Christmas/holiday period with them?

I love your plans for the future.
Shaping your own life and the townhouse so that you can continue to recover and experience a new direction in life is encouraging. Especially as you are able to "invite people over to visit".
I hope that your comment "things don't tend to work out for me" changes to a new slogan like "life is good and getting better".

Hang in there,
FAWH

posts: 14   路   registered: May. 19th, 2021
id 8771538
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 Justsomeguy (original poster member #65583) posted at 2:32 PM on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

So, Christmas 馃巹 went fairly well all things considered. My best friend came up for the holiday and it was the four of us, actually five come to think about it. My younger daughter's friend joined us as she was alone for some reason. My daughter didn't want to discuss it, so I justveelcomed her into our mess. Ran around to grab stuff for an extra stocking and bought her a couple of presents so she would not be left out. We had a fire and appies on Christmas eve, and I made mimosas and eggs Benedict on Christmas morning.

We are slowly getting settled and the house is starting to feel like a home. I've finally solved the kitchen design issues and am going to get a quote on cabinets. Hopefully by spring it will be done.

Really love the fireplace though. Use it almost every night.

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1413   路   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   路   location: Canada
id 8771862
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