I am so sorry for what has happened.
Your feelings are totally normal. You are in love. You got married you were planning a life and your world got rocked.
You now want her back so badly because you were in a state of bliss and now you are in a state of extreme pain.
You want to get back to that state of bliss. But it will never happen. Not long term at least.
Also make no mistake you have suffered a serious trauma. You are forming what they call a "trauma bond".
Even if your plan worked you will have given her a pass to cheat on you more and she will likely continue her relationship with him.
I’m not going to lie to you, your marriage is most likely not going to survive.
The advise you are going to receive will be harsh but it is harsh for a reason. What you will hear will sound counter intuitive but it is the best chance for your long term happiness with or without her.
First the hard truth. She has been having sex with him. 99.9% percent chance she has been having sex. She is not throwing away a new marriage with "your baby" on the way because she just has a crush.
She has been having a deep intimate relationship with him. Don’t want to get on a tangent but women are very attracted to married men. Women get into fantasy worlds and the married man is the ultimate fantasy. She will replace the wife and have the same wonderful life she has. Even though he is cheating on his wife and the wife is at least 50% responsible for who he is now.
You cannot compete with this fantasy.
You cannot nice her back.
You cannot defeat feelings with logic.
You cannot allow your feelings to override your logic anymore.
You knew this relationship was wrong from the start and you allowed it because you did not want to be "controlling" or "jealous".
Lesson learned. Men and women can be friends but they cannot be close friends. No man is texting or chatting on the phone all the time or trying to spend time with her for anything other than sex or a relationship. Period. It was a dishonest relationship from the start.
Now that you see how you allowed your feelings to override your judgment don’t make the same mistake twice.
I’m glad you are moving Saturday. Get everything, hire movers if you have to. Clear out immediately. Do not allow her to keep you in reserve while she sees if she can make something happen with this guy.
Also if you allow her to do this to you even if she moves on from this guy she will have an invitation to allow another man in.
Don’t allow this.
Also remember she is not your friends right now.
Now the number 1 thing you must do immediately is see a lawyer. We will give you some advise that could be wrong like telling her job. You need a legal professional to tell you what your options are so you can be accurately informed.
Do this today. Right now. There is nothing else that comes first. Lawyer, Lawyer, Lawyer. Immediately.
2nd you need a paternity test. Not optional. You do not want to be stuck paying for another man’s child. Don’t let that happen.
It will drain your finances for years. And it will do it for a child you will never truly bond with. You won’t. Don’t kid yourself. You are not in your right state of mind currently.
Do not sign any birth certificate at all until you have paternity results.
You deserve all your finances so you can start a real family later.
Talk to your lawyer about this. This is also not optional.
Those are 1 and 2 and absolutely cannot be skipped.
Honestly you should end this marriage and sever all contact with her and the best news is that the baby is not yours so you can completely cut her out and move on but we will look at the other things you can do. Especially as the baby could be yours and unfortunately you will be stuck with her in Your life.
Even if it is yours you still need a divorce as you never had a marriage to begin with and she has to earn the right to get the marriage back. That can be a good thing.
3 tell his wife immediately. This can be a good thing. She will either hurt him badly or at least shut down the affair. You need some revenge trust me. Also she will act as a watcher to make sure he stays away from her. Also she may find you some useful information on how extensive this affair is.
4 tell every single member of her family. They will support her over you but they might at a minimum start trying to talk sense to her. At least they will lose respect for her which can be a good thing. She is not a good person and she needs to work on herself to become a good person again.
After the divorce which must 100% be done. The quicker the better. if she does want to save the relationship then you can work on some other options.
Make no mistake you are now 100% in charge. She must willingly comply with all your demands or there is nothing to save.
She is all in or all out. It’s ok to say this to her.
Don’t go after the job until you work through all the legal stuff but afterwards.
She must quit her job. 100%. She can never even look at him or breathe the same air as him for the rest of her life.
You will go with her to quit. And she will tell the truth about why she is quitting.
She will also write a letter to her corporate and HR departments explains why that you approve. He is now the enemy and she must prove she is loyal to you by going after his job.
Next. No more male friends ever. She lied to you multiple times about this "friend". She has lost the right to them and you can veto any male friend anytime you like.
This is one reason I don’t think your marriage can be saved. It’s too new and these are heavy consequences that you just don’t have enough life investment for her to accept.
You can’t be the marriage police. You don’t want that role your whole life. Unfortunately you will always have that role slightly now. That’s just the truth. She now has to make sure it is an easy job by never allowing herself to even get near a dangerous situation again.
But it has to be voluntary. I do think she will have it in her.
You have to do the top steps. You have no choice. If there are new developments post again and new advise will follow.
Listen to the others on here. They have a lot of wisdom and experience.
Hell you can read multiple post recently where people say this site was correct.
You need to understand your situation is not that unique and these things follow predictable patterns.
Don’t not get stuck thinking you are always the exception to the rule.
God I’m so sorry. You did not deserve this. I know you are hurting.
The number one way to get over a trauma is to remove yourself from it. Completely.
You should not save this relationship but if you try remember she must move heaven and earth to make it happen not you.
All you can do is move on with your life and if she really wants this she will run after you.
Don’t forget the self improvement stuff. Diet, exercise, sleep, money. These things can only help you in the future.
Take care and best of luck.