Newest Member: AcesEights

Off Topic :
My dad is dying

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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 2:12 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

Well, I had to ask. 3 weeks ago I asked how much one person can take.

Last Monday my mom asked me to go ahead and ask the doctor for hospice services for Daddy. He was admitted to hospice last Tuesday. And he’s in the last hours now. We’ve had a wonderful, sweet time with family over the last two days. Yesterday he was able to tell each of his children and grandchildren that he loved us. Today he has not been responsive at all. My mom tried to pull a control move and make us all leave. To be clear, there’s three of us children and our spouses. Yesterday all 12 grandchildren visited. Today they were in and out. So it’s not like there were 20 of us there. And we kept offering all day to give her some time with just her and Daddy but she didn’t want it. 🙄

Anyway, we compromised and my sister is staying. I’m in my house right next door and will be going down to give his morphine every couple of hours.

If you’re not familiar with my situation, please don’t think I’m unfeeling or bitchy about my mom. Just a couple of months ago I had to bring Daddy to my house for 2 weeks after she punched him. So I just wasn’t entirely okay with leaving her alone with him and a bottle of morphine.

He has been the best father, grandfather, man, nurse that anyone could hope to be. My brother reminded me yesterday of something about Daddy. He was a nurse for the department of corrections for over 25 years. And during the ‘80s when AIDS was first becoming known, people were terrified of being infected. AIDS patients were treated like lepers, and in the prison system they were doubly stigmatized. My dad would go in and take his gloves off, shake their hands and provide them with a compassionate human touch. He was such an example of everything it means to be a nurse.

And as a father, with our mom being mentally ill, he kept everything together at home. And there was never an activity or award presentation for me or my siblings that Daddy wasn’t there cheering us on. Not once. He was the band dad who went to all the football games and competitions.

I’m going to miss him forever.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4625   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8695062
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 2:43 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I am so sorry you are going through this but relieved you have family close. You have been a wonderful daughter. Lots of hugs. Love you girl.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22353   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8695070
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 4:00 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I'm so sorry. He sounds like an amazing man and father.

Sending prayers for the difficult days ahead.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2516   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8695073
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PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 5:24 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

Wishing your Dad peace. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

BS Fwh

posts: 3072   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2011
id 8695085
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 5:26 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

It's so hard to lose your daddy. He sounds like an amazing man. Hugs!

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16499   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8695086
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Bigger ( Guide #8354) posted at 11:49 AM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

So sorry to hear of your dad’s health.

He has been the best father, grandfather, man, nurse that anyone could hope to be.

Those are the sentiments I feel regarding my dad. It’s been 8 years since he passed away. Maybe there is some healing in knowing that the pain is caused by what we miss and lost rather than regret for what we could have done.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10011   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8695101
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:42 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

((((HFSSC)))))
No words. Just sending you prayer, peace, and hope that your loss will not be all consuming.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19020   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8695107
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 1:59 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

((HFSSC))

I lost my dad last year. He was such a character, with so many varied interests, that I'm reminded of him every day.

Your father will stay with you. It will just take a little time to see how.

WW/BW 50s (Me)
BH/WH 50s (TimeSpiral)

posts: 2136   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8695110
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lieshurt ( Moderator #14003) posted at 2:52 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I am so sorry HFSSC. Sending you positive thoughts and huge hugs. (((HFSSC)))

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22370   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 8695114
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 3:21 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

(((HFSSC and family))). My condolences. crying

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26262   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8695120
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number4 ( member #62204) posted at 5:19 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

So sorry to read this. I know you will cherish these last days and hours, being able to give to him in a way he gave to others for so many years.

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 843   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: Southern California
id 8695139
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 8:30 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I'm so sorry to read this HFSSC. Prayers for you and your family.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 641   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8695171
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:10 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I lost my dad 3 years ago last week. I miss him every single day in a thousand ways. But it has mellowed to a lovely longing now. I hope you find that peace some day, too.

Condolences to you and all your family. (((Hugs))) Your dad sounds like a wonderful man.

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4273   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8695176
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NorthernMSB ( member #69725) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through it in January this year and all I can say is I wish your dad peace, and you and your family comfort. He sounds like an extraordinary man. I will be thinking of you.

Me: BW-52
Him-WH-56
DDay 1: 2009- ex girlfriend, rugswept
Dday 2: Christmas Eve 2018-Another ex girlfriend-5 week sexting affair
Dday 3- March 21, 2019 Same AP as Dday 1,he never stopped cheating with her-20 years-ended October 31, 201

posts: 405   ·   registered: Feb. 10th, 2019
id 8695179
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WTAF ( member #79274) posted at 11:07 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I'm so sorry. Hugs

posts: 75   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2021   ·   location: All up in my feelings
id 8695187
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jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 11:18 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

((((HFSSC)))

Me: BSO - 53Him: FWSO - 76 DS - 20 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

posts: 26365   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2009   ·   location: Florida
id 8695189
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 11:30 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I'm so sorry, HFSSC.

Praying for comfort and strength.

I lost my dad yesterday, so I understand how you are feeling.

posts: 3780   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8695191
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 HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 11:31 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

Thank you all so much. He is gone. Peacefully. No pain. Could not ask for more.

And it’s gonna be okay. I know.

Me, 54
Him, 45 (JMSSC)
Married 24 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4625   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8695192
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 11:47 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

I am sending the biggest, most ginormous, love filled hugs your way. I lost my dad 3 1/2 years ago. It hurts, but I know he is with me. Look for the signs.

Me FBS early 40s
Him XWS mid40s (lovemywife4ever), D
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
Free and loving life

posts: 3116   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8695196
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DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 12:43 AM on Wednesday, October 27th, 2021

Im so sorry. (((((HFSSC)))))

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 22353   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8695209
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