I’m pretty sure he put the burner back after downloading it’s contents.
Anyway SYO, I like the approaches mentioned here. Gives you lots of options.
Honestly I would keep it even simpler. Here are my thoughts and it doesn’t include talking about the lies (well not much anyway) or the burner phone and it’s contents which I recommend you reserve for later if necessary or even after the D if not.
Just sit down with her alone but perhaps in a public space away enough from people so no one can overhear.
Wife. This experience has been awful for me. I’m sure it has been for you as well. And while I do feel you are in pain, I want you to know it cannot compare to what has been inflicted on me. I trusted you. And then I gave you the gift of trying to rebuild, and then you destroyed all the work by what happened when you saw him.
I do love you. But what you have done has shattered a lot inside of me. And that includes self respect. What you showed me in what you drunkenly said to me that night was that you have more in your heart for this man than you do for me. If that’s not true, then it’s going to take a long time, perhaps a lifetime, to prove that to me.
I do not feel safe with you. My heart does not feel safe with you. It’s been broken multiple times already.
I need to be able to look myself in the mirror. Right now I dont have any self respect when I do. And you need years of hard work in therapy to fix what was wrong with you to even have the affair and then after that understand and repair what caused you to do and say what you did during and after the party. And why you found it along the way so easy to lie to me many times.
So while I cannot say what the future will be for you and I and what type of future relationship we may or may not have, at this point in time, right here and now. I need for you to help me to legally end our marriage. That is the gift you can give me right now. If you truly care about me, you will work with me to amicably do that.
That is what I need to truly start healing and to be able to look myself in the eye again.
Afterword we can discuss where we go from there. I think we will need sometime apart. Enough time for me to work thru my pain and heal and you to work thru the demons that caused you to bring us here to this moment.
So will you do that for me?
I promise not to give up on the possibility of us trying again someday, slowly, to build something new. That will take a long time. I won’t guarantee it. I cannot. But I will leave myself open to all possibilities.
But right now this is what I need. I hope you can agree. I don’t want this to be contentious in anyway. Let’s try and get thru this process as amicably As possible.
Please let me know your thoughts. I’m sad we are at this point. It destroys me in every way. But I cannot deny that this is absolutely what I need.”
What do you think. No need to bring up the lies or what you found. If it works, and she agrees, you can discuss how the process will roll out. Let her know she’ll be served next week and how mediation or whatever will work.
I’m hoping she can see the value in the way you approach it and not make trouble, especially if she wants a chance down the road.
And after the D finalizes and months or probably years from now you discuss the possibility of trying to rebuild, if you want to at all, you can start by discussing the messages you found, and what those meant and how you need to see her become someone who would never do those things again.
It’s a long shot you’d ever get to that point. But whatever. Leave yourself open to all possibilities for now. The real objective is to have as smooth a separation and divorce as possible.
Just my thoughts on what I would try. Use it along with the advice here from everyone to craft your own path thru this.
[This message edited by Stevesn at 2:05 PM, October 21st (Wednesday)]