Newest Member: loyaltylost

Just Found Out :
D-Day 3 I’m just ..I don’t know

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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 3:32 PM on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2021

Glad to hear from you, SeeYa! Keep updating us when you can.

She tells him she believes we will be back together someday. I don't know why she still believes this.

They all believe this! As if the D wasn't a big enough wake up call that it's over and done with. But luckily for you - Not your circus. Not your monkeys. She's free to talk to her IC about it while you enjoy your new life.

posts: 5072   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8699789
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 SeeYaIamOut (original poster member #75524) posted at 3:51 PM on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2021

"Only question I had was, if you feel like you are suffering some sort of depression, have you sought counseling? IC was helpful for me, as I had a good counselor. It may help you. Just something to consider"

I'm mobile so I'm not good with quoting but to answer your question. I'm actually looking into to it. I'm sure it's a combination of the whole ordeal and major concerns over my daughter. There's a lot of anger and I feel responsible. I should have left a long time ago. It just caused her to hold onto her own resentment without telling anyone.

posts: 61   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2020
id 8699794
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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 3:51 PM on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2021

Thank you for the update SYIAO.

Congrats on your children. They are bright lights in the dark forest you are now coming out of.

I also was wondering if you have been in IC. I think it can help you navigate your way back to emotional health from the trauma you experienced.

Please consider it.

As for your ex wife, I am glad to hear that you have had six months of NC. That has to have helped keep your mind healing.

I was wondering if you know whether or not she is doing IC. I hope so. She has decades of issues to untangle. It will continue to be a long road for her. I’m sure everything she has done to sabotage her own life, every choice and decision, has led her to a place she never envisioned being at. It’s truly unfortunate.

Thanks again and please check in often. 2020 was a rough year for everyone but you got hit with it exponentially. I remember being worried about both of you quite often.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 3:52 PM, Tuesday, November 23rd]

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3227   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8699795
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 6:20 PM on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2021

Thank you for updating us. Consider some group therapy at some point with you and the kids.

posts: 2452   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8699819
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lostindenial ( new member #79420) posted at 6:58 PM on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2021

I read a good book on the vacation today. Some of you know my story. Married to a supreme manipulator who finally is so caught up in his own self-preservation that he can’t escape lying, hiding and pretending and every Monday I have a new D Day.
And what I got out of this wonderful book is that at the end of the day, my accountability is to set my boundaries and the most compassionate thing for me to do is to communicate that. I can’t do the work for him. I have been doing it for years by over functioning while he is under functioning in emotional partnerships. And this has done nothing but made him lazy, incapable of doing any hard work and made him entitled and blameshifter of crap he pulled on me for decades.
So everyone needs to own their own role in brainstorming the whys, writing their first draft of confabulation, correct, dig deeper, find the shame and turn it into actionable guilt and regrets which comes with pathways, actions and plans with timelines. If someone just feeds you lines and promises and does not produce a timeline of actions, they are continuing to feeding you and their loved ones like children shit sandwich.

Congratulations on breaking the pattern. All your empathy and sympathy will do nothing for your ex wife and any work you do (which looks like you had been doing for decades) will backfire. It does not help them if they don’t have introspection. All your work merely provides these entitled souls license to hold our love, our dedication and our empathy as a bargaining chip in which we get nothing but blame and breadcrumbs of gaslighting. Rejoice and raise your kids right. You got out of this vicious cycle.

One can pray that these people one day wake up and realize that their gig is up and they have no one left to manipulate anymore. Unfortunately they are not prone to self harm. If that was the case, they would not cheat but leave us, come clean but they need someone to do everything else for them so as long as they can find a sucker, they won’t quit on the world or themselves.
I may be coming across bitter but sometimes the truth and sunlight are the best medicines for everything to come out and unfortunately our WSs are not capable of it.

posts: 23   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2021   ·   location: FL
id 8699827
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ChamomileTea ( member #53574) posted at 7:44 PM on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2021

I am self aware enough that I know I'm suffering through some type of depression right now but I think I'll be okay.

Good update, although I'm sorry to hear you're still having some depression. It's super important to keep up on your self-care, as you probably know. I was thinking earlier today about Light Therapy Lamps. You might want to look into that as we trudge into winter. Not only would it be good for bumping up serotonin, but would probably help with sleep and promote vitamin D, which can add to covid prevention. All good stuff.

posts: 4680   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016
id 8699835
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