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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 1:07 PM on Thursday, December 29th, 2022

ff4152, thank you for sharing your thoughts, that was lovely!

Tanner, it doesn't sound negative at all. Life is full of hardships even without a challenging child. I agree on the communication remark. It’s good to see your communication improved. I’ve been reading about acceptance lately, and one of the key components seems to be a change of attitude. That is, to look at the betrayal from a different perspective, and focus on the positive outcomes. That is something I’m struggling with. Years ago, I didn’t get a job I wanted. That took me on a path which resulted in me getting a better job. Yet, I’m still a little pissed about not getting the first one, even though in the long run, it turned out to be a great thing. The same is with the betrayal. Even though I recognize all the positive outcomes (for example, our communication also improved), I still do not feel acceptance. I guess it just takes time.

I’m grateful I managed to have a nice Christmas Eve and Christmas. I believe this is the first time since DDay that I did not experience a meltdown on one of those days. I actually had a nice time with my husband and I’m so grateful for that. We did nothing special – we dressed up, had a nice meal + wine, candles, Christmas music, we talked, laughed. It was relaxed, peaceful, and just… normal. I’m happy for normal. Even though some might say it’s settling for less, I don’t see it that way. We often take things for granted, and it’s good to be able to appreciate normal, to find happiness in little things that many would take for granted. I guess it really is true that sometimes it takes losing something to be able to see the value of it.

I’m also grateful my sister is coming to visit me, and we’re gonna spend New Year’s together. I don’t get to spend much time with my family since we live in a different country. That makes it even more special, and I’m gonna do my best to have a great time, no matter what!

[This message edited by Hannah47 at 1:09 PM, Thursday, December 29th]

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 365   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8771297
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:42 PM on Thursday, December 29th, 2022

Good Morning everyone grin !!! I LOVE seeing posts on here...y'all made my day BRIGHTER already...THANKS for that grin !!

ff4152...it is GOOD to see you on here again...with an AWESOME post!! YOU have shown how Waywards CAN change...not because they got caught...or because their spouse gave them ultimatums after they confessed...but because they WANT to change smile . You are someone who is needed on here to help give another perspective...and I really appreciate you staying and contributing YOUR insight grin !

Tanner...I thought your post was positive Coozann smile . We ALL face challenges in our day-to-day lives...some more than others...and you and your lovely wife definitely have more than a few! But y'all don't let that stop y'all from staying connected...and that is pretty AWESOME too!!

Hannah47...your Christmas story is another AWESOME thing for me to read about...thank your for sharing it with us!! I KNOW you will have a great time with your sister...you have that kind of attitude smile .

You mentioned struggling with acceptance...I can very much RELATE to that. How in the world could I accept the unacceptable??? HOW does that even happen??? I TRIED to OWN that...to ACCEPT that my H was THAT person who could destroy our M over sex with a stranger. Like you...I read up on acceptance...tried to reach it...but failed miserably at it.

One day I was watching a show on Animal Planet...I think it was about meerkats but it has been so long that my memory is kind of fuzzy about it. What I DO remember is when the narrator was talking about ADAPTING smile . They mentioned something along the line of how animals that didn't ADAPT...didn't survive. That was my AHA moment!! I was on a site to SURVIVE infidelity...and I could do that by ADAPTING grin . I don't HAVE to ACCEPT anything about my H's A...but I could definitely ADAPT to my new situation grin !! It really changed my attitude about how to approach my M smile . WE have adapted to our Mv2.0 (Marriage version 2.0)...and we have not only survived infidelity...we have THRIVED despite it grin !!

God may not give us what we WANT...but He always gives us everything we NEED smile . That job you wanted...it could have probably been filled with arrogant...selfish...not good people. You would have probably been MISERABLE there. Just like that Garth Brooks song...Unanswered Prayers...you probably dodged a bullet by NOT getting that job smile . Sometimes those pretty...shiny looking packages are really covering up what are nothing but turds inside wink . Don't EVER look back Dear Lady...you are right where you are meant to be smile .

I am THANKFUL that my family and I survived the FRIGID weather we had last week. How in the world do you northerners do it???!!! OMG...that was COLD!!! At least we were able to still have family over for Christmas smile . I was watching the stranded people at airports who would not be able to make it to be with their loved ones. Sadly...I also saw where many lost their lives from this storm system crying . We were sure Blessed to not have precipitation with the cold down here. Cajuns can't drive in the snow and ice. There are too many bayous down here...we slide right into them!!!

It is going to be in the 70's today...and I will be in my garden...rooting up everything that died from the weather we had. I had ELEVEN eggplants growing on my ONE eggplant I had left...they were so CLOSE to being able to be picked...and now I have none. But Thank God...I still have three bags of cooked eggplants in the freezer to ENJOY until I can get my garden growing again smile . Life goes on...and we make the best of what we have. THAT is something to ALWAYS be thankful for smile !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6601   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8771307
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Ladybugmaam ( member #69881) posted at 6:34 PM on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

Forgot to add it here. Fingers crossed we turn the page.......:)

We had a bit of an adventure for the holidays. I had to travel for work on the 23rd. Our family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve. It is a big to do. My family is second generation Ukrainian. We have a very elaborate Christmas Eve meal....a bit like a seder. 12 courses, homemade pierogi, etc.

As I was out of town, FWH called to let me know...1. The heat was out. and 2. The stove stopped working. The next morning, he went to 3 hardware/box stores to find the 1 and only gas range that was in stock. As he was installing it....our power went out.....for 8 hours. So he found us a kerosine heater and I made Christmas Eve by candlelight. Just as we finished the preparations, the power came back on.

I really tried to just say....well do this another day....many times. He wouldn't let me, because he knows how important it is to me. It was the best Christmas EVER.

EA DD 11/2018
PA DD 2/25/19
One teen son
I am a phoenix.

posts: 467   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2019
id 8771898
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 12:31 AM on Thursday, January 5th, 2023

Ladybugmaam...thank you so MUCH for adding your post to this thread grin !! It is a really AWESOME post!! But it could go in another thread that could possibly turn the page...the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread that is pinned at the TOP of this Forum grin .

I LOVE how you have seen the POSITIVE in your R...and saw this Christmas as the BEST one EVER!!! Since the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread is ALL about POSITIVE stories of R...YOUR post would be PERFECT for there!! All you have to do is what you did this time...copy your post and then paste it in that thread blink !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6601   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8772119
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 4:01 PM on Thursday, January 5th, 2023

Another wonderful day to be THANKFUL...and it is THURSDAY...so I get to post in this thread today...YAY grin !!

I am so very thankful that I have a feeling of HAPPINESS again grin !! Sadly...clinical depression runs in my family sad . It is a debilitating place for them to be crying . I have experienced depression before...but not to the extent as some of my family members. Some have been helped by medication...but some have to live with the cards they're dealt and just push through it. They are truly my heroes.

I used to wonder if my brain chemicals went the opposite way because I was in a HAPPY state most of the time. Whatever the case...I look upon this as a GIFT...and I LOVE this gift of being HAPPY smile . I don't have the gift of being pretty...or thin...or tall. But I wouldn't trade THIS gift of happiness for anything grin !!

I have read that happiness is a CHOICE...and I can understand that. But for so many years after Dday...I wasn't happy...no matter how much I tried to CHOOSE that route sad . It wasn't until I found PEACE that I started being happy again smile . That was when that other thing I read came into play...KNOW God, KNOW peace. NO God, NO peace.

I have Jesus' peace...He gave it to us freely smile . This gives me a very profound feeling of gratitude. This thankfulness makes me happy grin ! So I am going to end with another saying I have read that I will practice today. TODAY...I am going to have an attitude of gratitude grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6601   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8772184
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 4:53 PM on Thursday, January 5th, 2023

Last Thursday I wrote that I've been reading about acceptance. I’m thankful that Wounded Healer opened a thread about it – there’s much to learn from it. Still, the more I think about it, the more I feel rebellious to accept the necessity of the acceptance. So, Want2BHappyAgain, I very much appreciate your meerkats story. I have a good background in evolutionary biology, so I view adaptations differently (déformation professionnelle grin ), but I get your point. I can even take it one step further. If I want to achieve squatting 1xbodyweight this year, I’d better get back to my routine (took a break over the holidays), so that my muscles grow stronger. And they will grow stronger because of a pre-existing mechanism in me, that is adaptive for me. In other words, everything I need to survive this is already within me.

Speaking about my exercise routine – it was a New Year's resolution that I’ll get more serious about my strength training. I’m thankful I managed to stick with it, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made last year. I don’t plan to stop now. Onwards and upwards!

p.s. I mentioned several times that the last year was a year of hell for me, so I'm delighted to say: 2022 go f yourself. 2022 is dead, long live 2023!

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 365   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8772194
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:26 PM on Friday, January 6th, 2023

Sorry I always seem to be day late. Last night we were talking to a couple that is on the verge of D. We invited them over and wanted to talk to them about it. They are 20+ years younger than us, married 10 years, we are very good friends. L

My W said you have to dig deep and fix what is wrong. The W said "yea but y’all’s M is like automatic, is so much better than ours.

My W started bawling and said "do you know how hard M is?" "We bust our ass in this M, it’s hard work and we don’t always like each other", "you have no idea what we’ve been through", "I just pray neither of you do something you will hate yourself for". My W is crying, and pointing her finger at them.

I started crying because her passion was so overwhelming. The couple was crying and at the end of the night vowed to not give up yet.

I was so proud of her, she is not involved with SI because this is my place. She was standing up pointing at them swinging 2x4’s, to get their the shit together and figure it out. Although she doesn’t cuss, that’s what she meant.

[This message edited by Tanner at 12:06 AM, Saturday, January 7th]

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

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Dude67 ( member #75700) posted at 12:39 AM on Saturday, January 7th, 2023

Tanner. Do they know about her A?

posts: 785   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2020
id 8772441
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 1:25 AM on Saturday, January 7th, 2023

Tanner. Do they know about her A?

No we didn’t tell anyone, but she came very close to disclosing it, she was very passionate. We suspect the W standing at the top of the slippery slope.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3375   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8772443
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 2:32 AM on Friday, January 13th, 2023

Just making here today, hope all is well with everyone.

We have been all day at the hospital with our Son. He is having a 24 hour EEG. We suspect he is having seizure activity. A team of neurologists came and talked to us today and seem to have a plan in place to improve his and our quality of life. His brain is firing so rapidly, it’s hindering his sleep and development. I got to come home and sleep in our bed. We are both exhausted, chasing him around the hospital room all day. I will go pick them up tomorrow morning.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3375   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8773143
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 2:36 AM on Friday, January 13th, 2023

A very Thankful Thursday. We have travelled quite a bit, and while not quite ready to retire, we did figure out where we wanted to be. Found a great deal, bought our forever home. Needs a lot of work, and yet, it will clean up nice and in a neighborhood that we both love.

Moving is not fun, but this one is worth it.

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 2:10 PM, Friday, January 13th]

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4699   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8773145
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ladyphoenix ( member #72766) posted at 2:00 PM on Friday, January 13th, 2023

It's friday. Today, and every day, I am thankful for this website. I am beyond grateful for the community and kindness. The collective wisdom and support are a huge blessing in my life.
Thursday has been a trigger day for me since the beginning. I think it is because my FWH used my working until 7pm against me and often met with AP. I usually wake before 4am with spiraling thoughts and cannot get back to sleep. It is my longest (11hr) work day and I struggle to manage my tired brain.

From this forum (thank you Want2BHappyAgain), I learned to change my mindset and perspective which is in turn helping me to heal. I have a reminder on my phone at 9am on thursdays that simply says Thankful Thursday. It prompts me to think of a positive thought and that sets my day on a better course.

Lately I have been sleeping better. It is a delightful surprise when I wake to my alarm at 6am on a Thursday!
Yesterday was actually a very challenging day for me, but FWH and I managed to discuss the difficult topics in a constructive way and we both felt heard and cared for. Instead of being hyperfocused on the hurt, I was able to visit this website and read ways to improve my thinking.
I am in the middle of A-season and coming up to 4 years DD. I feel anxious and on edge, jangly like I have had too much caffeine, but SI helps so much to soothe that feeling and allow me to focus on something positive. Today I am going to plant tulips in a pot indoors to give myself the gift of beauty in a few weeks time.

M 25 years, together 31. DD1 Feb 2019, DD2(TT) June 2019, DD3 (TT) July 2019, (TT) March 2020, (TT) Sept 2020.We have 3 children: 24,20, 15 and two grandchildren since 2019. We work daily on R and building a stronger relationship.

posts: 149   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8773217
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:53 PM on Saturday, January 14th, 2023

We have been "out of pocket" this past week ... but we are back home now and very thankful to be here. I LOVE y'alls positive THANKFUL stories!! Oldwounds ... a "forever home" is truly a TREASURE ... and it feels so GOOD to be back in ours!

Reading on y'alls posts ... I saw the word "tulips" in the post from ladyphoenix. My mind immediately went to the Netherlands ... where my H had his A. As I read the rest of the sentence though ... it made me smile. THANK YOU for posting about planting those tulips Dear Lady ... it helped my "lizard brain" to calm down a little more by seeing the positive experience happening because of tulips. They really are gorgeous flowers in a beautiful array of colors!

Tanner ... thank you for keeping us posted about your sweet son. I hope he can get some rest ... which will allow y'all to get rest too. What a BLESSING y'all are to him Coozann!!

Reading up on y'alls posts ... about family ... home ... community ... I do see all of that here on this site. This "surviving infidelity community" is another place I am happy to call HOME. I have some pretty cool "family" on this site too!! I missed y'all this past week...in a GOOD way. This is a SAFE place for me. I don't agree on everything with some members on here...and some members on here don't agree on everything with me. We all RESPECT each other though...and that helps us to stay and help others in this community. So TODAY...I am THANKFUL for SI and this community of family who make this HOME for me!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6601   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8773364
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 6:14 PM on Tuesday, January 17th, 2023

Tanner ... thank you for keeping us posted about your sweet son. I hope he can get some rest ... which will allow y'all to get rest too. What a BLESSING y'all are to him Coozann!!

I wanted to give a thankful update, they did a 24 hour EEG looking for seizure activity, they didn’t find any abnormal activity, meaning there is some but no new surprises, it was better than they expected.

Knowing we have seizure control they are moving towards behavior and sleep, they go hand in hand. They fast tracked us into a sleep Dr yesterday and we are changing up some things.

He slept all night last night and had to be woke up for school this morning. What a blessing this new team of Doctors have been. Also what a warrior mom my wife is, she deserves an honorary medical degree, she has fought and advocated for him his whole life. I’m thankful and it’s only Tuesday.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3375   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8773642
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 6:33 PM on Tuesday, January 17th, 2023

Great update Tanner!

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4699   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8773646
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:20 PM on Thursday, January 19th, 2023

Great update Cuz!!

I have had some awesome experiences this week with my grandchildren...and I realized what a GIFT it is to have them! I am at a time in my life where life isn't hectic like it was when I was a working Mom...and I feel so privileged to be able to help my children with their hectic life by spending time with my grandchildren. They just grow up so danged FAST!!

THIS Thankful Thursday I am very thankful for grandchildren...life's wonderful lagniappe for having children!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6601   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8773873
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 4:30 PM on Thursday, January 19th, 2023

I’m thankful for the team is Doctors that are bending over backwards to help our Son sleep. His caseworker is going to see about getting us night nursing care. That seems over the top right now because we have attendant care during the day.

Our Son spent his first year of life in the hospital one stint was 9 months straight. When he was released he came home with a lot of equipment and 24 hour nursing for the next 5 years. So having people in our home all the time is not unusual for us. I just don’t want to go backwards. Hopefully we can get the medication regulated. I’m thankful for the last 2 nights of sleep we have gotten.

Cuz you are correct spending time with grandkids is a blessing. Too bad we can’t just start with grandkids 😀

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3375   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8773893
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 7:12 PM on Thursday, January 19th, 2023

Today I’m thankful that the scales have finally started to fall from my eyes. I am now grasping the reality that my "friend" of 10 years was never really one in the first place. Although this sounds like a sad comment, it’s also a bit liberating.

Of course I am very thankful for my family. Although my circle is very small, I’m blessed to have them in my life.

Me -FWS

posts: 2100   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8773910
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 1:16 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023

Day 3 with sleep 10 hours. Hopefully this is a new trend.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3375   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8774006
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:02 AM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

In honor of the OP W2BHA I give you Thankful Thursday update using only emojis 😀 hint posting this at 4am


😴👶😩🛏😴👶🌪🚌🥳😴🗄🛠🚌👶🌪🍽🌪👶🛁🛏💏📺😴

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3375   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8774756
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