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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 6:47 PM on Thursday, October 27th, 2022

How in the hell is it Thursday again? Are you sure? I鈥檓 looking forward to our family getting together Sunday for the twins birthday. All the kids and grandkids will be there. We always have a good time.

Thanks for sharing Hannah, I鈥檓 catching on that you like music, one of the things I like here on SI is the music game in fun and games. It challenges me to name a song then challenges me to get it out of my head 馃ぃ. I name a song and play it in my head the rest of the day. If you haven鈥檛 already, stop by and play along.

Happy Friday Eve!!!

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8762417
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:46 PM on Thursday, November 3rd, 2022

Happy Thankful Thursday Y'all grin !! I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween as well grin !! Today I am HAPPY...HAPPY...HAPPY...can y'all tell laugh ?!

There isn't really anything SPECIFIC that I am thankful for today...which is also kind of cool smile . I'm...just...HAPPY smile . Given that I chose my username on here during a time I was very much NOT happy...it reminds me of how FAR I have come smile . That makes me even more HAPPY laugh !!!

There is one thing that happened this week that has stood out as a victory...so I can share this with y'all smile . This week on House Hunters...there was a segment about the Netherlands...where my H had his A. It wasn't in the area he was in...but the Netherlands isn't really that big. I originally went to the Netherlands with my H...but I had to leave for a family emergency a few months later...which then left my H free to have his A with someone he met on Tagged. After that...the mention of windmills...pavers...even canals would send me straight to thinking about my H's A sad .

My H gave his deflated sigh when we heard where this show was videoed...and went to turn the TV. I asked him to keep it on...unless it would bother him. He said it wouldn't...but he was curious as to why I would want to watch it. I told him I was hoping to see if there were apartments that had the kind of stairs like the adultery co-conspirator had in her apartment. My H has described them as being a spiral type staircase encased in a closet...with a door at the bottom. I've never been able to find this type of staircase in pictures...although I have to admit I haven't really pored over stuff like that!!

On the show...there were some staircases that were VERY different!! They actually talked about a thing called a "Dutch Staircase" on the show laugh !! Although none of the staircases were exactly as my H remembered...I could get a more defined picture of what a staircase in the Netherlands would look like.

We were talking about the culture there during the show...as well as the things WE saw while I was there. I started to ENJOY the memories WE made. WOW smile . I never gave it much thought that I could ENJOY talking about the Netherlands before...but it seems that I have overcome that part too grin ! I guess I OWN the Netherlands now laugh ???!!!

I am also HAPPY that there was no arguing...no defensiveness...no anger associated with watching that show smile . I don't know if I could EVER think of the Netherlands and NOT think about my H's A...but I do know that it doesn't hold any power over me anymore. For THAT...I am very THANKFUL smile .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6324   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8763414
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 8:49 PM on Thursday, November 3rd, 2022

Wow Cuz I鈥檓 thankful that the power over you is gone. It鈥檚 not really the Netherlands, windmill鈥檚 or spiral staircases. It鈥檚 that the adultery co conspirator had no power over you. All those things are wonderful things, but also a reminder of someone that doesn鈥檛 matter anymore.

I had a real life scenario of a what was a trigger was really nothing. Our boys wanted a specific restaurant Sunday. The restaurant backs up to a small 3 street neighborhood on a hill. You can see all roof tops. One of them is the AP鈥檚 house. I pass the neighborhood several times a week and it鈥檚 really nothing now. It crossed my mind for a second and was gone, he is nothing to me, so neither are the rooftops.

I鈥檓 thankful to be alive, I鈥檓 still shaken by what happened. After dropping off our son at school my W and I were heading to drop our other Son off at school. It was very foggy and we came to a 4 way stop at a 70 mph highway. It was clear and as I get in the road a truck runs the stop sign at 70 swerves and misses us by inches. The car shook from the wind coming off the the truck. We all would have been seriously injured, but we were protected. Our boy needs us to take care of him. I really believe God has a hedge of protection around our family. I鈥檓 still shaken up over it, but very thankful.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8763466
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 9:16 PM on Thursday, November 3rd, 2022

OMG Tanner shocked !!! Thank God y'all are alright!!! I believe you are right Coozann...what a hedge of protection y'all have smile .

ETA: You may be right about the adultery co-conspirator having no power over me now smile . I actually pray for her...and wish her well in her life. She hasn't been in my thoughts for a while as any type of threat to me or our M. BUT...she is very much a part of the Netherlands. Because we are an ocean away...I can't go to the places they went to so that I can OWN them...so when I think about those places...SHE is a part of it. However...she doesn't define OUR memories smile . Thanks for that insight Cuz...I never thought about that before grin !!

[This message edited by Want2BHappyAgain at 9:23 PM, Thursday, November 3rd]

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6324   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8763473
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:35 PM on Thursday, November 10th, 2022

Good Morning all you LOVELY people grin !!

Fall is definitely in the air...and this low humidity is pretty COOL smile . It's going to be COLD next week over here though...falling into the 50's in some areas. You Yankees can quit laughing laugh ...It IS cold for us down here laugh !!!

My H is away right now...looking at a prospective project. I stayed home to work on some things here...and to write in this thread smile . I feel SAFE as I am writing this. I LIKE that feeling! I KNOW my H is where he said he would be...doing what he said he would be doing. NO trust issues at all in that respect. This wasn't the case right after Dday.

I am so THANKFUL that I CAN trust again in my H and his word smile . It was one of those "little things" that was lost on Dday. This little thing didn't seem like much...until I lost it. Thank You God...that I found it again! These little things sure add up grin .

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6324   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8764440
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 5:09 PM on Thursday, November 10th, 2022

I鈥檓 thankful for the cooler weather headed this way. If any Yankees laugh at you have them come sit in the humidity in July 馃榾

Cuz, I like what you said about feeling secure that your H is right where he said he is. When I first started feeling secure it would bring shame, fear of letting my guard down. I don鈥檛 check up on my W because I trust my gut and I believe her, she鈥檚 not the same person that cheated on me. Just like she trusts and believes that I鈥檓 not same person either, consequences would be swift and permanent, she鈥檚 well aware of that.

With all that said, I鈥檓 thankful for the M v2.0 with the improved communication. My W is a fitness trainer. She works with women with significant weight to lose. Her business model is online only but local clients are welcome to meet her at the gym to workout with her. She came to me recently and said one of her clients H wants help. I gave my blessing to train a man, she then said "his name is AP Name". It made no difference but I was glad for her checking with me. I鈥檓 actually more concerned that he鈥檚 a cop, just kidding.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8764463
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 7:42 PM on Thursday, November 10th, 2022

Around this time of the year a lot of people complain about holiday consumerism and "Christmas creep". Not me, I absolutely love it! Christmas time is my favorite time of the year. All the Christmas-themed merchandise and decorations make me joyous. How could I dislike 2 months of joy?!! Unfortunately, Christmas is a trigger. For a few years post DDay I didn鈥檛 even have a Christmas tree. And I still need to fight Mr. Grinch in me who would like to just annihilate the whole thing. But then I see all the lights, ornaments, shiny things, baubles, wreaths鈥 and my heart grows three sizes! I鈥檓 thankful for Christmas and I鈥檓 thankful for Christmas creep. I know it鈥檚 a merchandising trick to try and kick off holiday spending earlier. I don鈥檛 need to spend, I just enjoy looking and feeling it.

posts: 134   路   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8764488
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 9:26 PM on Thursday, November 10th, 2022

Unfortunately, Christmas is a trigger. For a few years post DDay I didn鈥檛 even have a Christmas tree. And I still need to fight Mr. Grinch in me who would like to just annihilate the whole thing.

Good for you reclaiming that, infidelity takes too much from us, you have to go get it back. I鈥檓 the same with the 4th of July. We go all out and I look forward to it every year.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8764507
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:29 PM on Thursday, November 17th, 2022

If any Yankees laugh at you have them come sit in the humidity in July

laugh laugh laugh Good point Coozann laugh laugh laugh !!!

But then I see all the lights, ornaments, shiny things, baubles, wreaths鈥 and my heart grows three sizes!

Me too grin !! I'm starting to sing Christmas songs too...especially my FAVORITE..."Mary, Did You Know" grin !

This morning in my devotional...it was about not being bitter or angry. I definitely remember THOSE feelings from the early days...right after Dday crying . I've never been a person to stay bitter or angry before...even though there were several instances in my life where I could have gone down those paths so easily. But THIS betrayal...by my H of 28 years at that time...this was something I thought I could NEVER get out of the grasp of bitterness and anger sad .

Y'all know what I'm going to say next...NEVER say NEVER tongue . As I started to climb out of the infidelity hell that my H put me in...I learned that stuff I NEVER thought I could get back...were coming back readily smile . As I read more and more from Scriptures...I found guidelines...maps...to get me even higher out of that hellish place! Being bitter and angry is a CHOICE...and I CHOSE to NOT be that way grin !! It's not easy...but anything worth having is worth FIGHTING for!! PEACE is truly a beautiful place to BE grin .

As we are approaching Thanksgiving here in America...I realize how THANKFUL I am for MANY things!!! THIS site...the friends and FAMILY I have made here...my LIFE smile . But MOST of all...I am so THANKFUL for a LOVING God who gave lowly humans like me a special handbook many centuries ago that will give us a hand UP and a hand OUT of the grasp of bitterness and anger...and into a wonderful place of PEACE grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6324   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8765572
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 5:03 PM on Thursday, November 17th, 2022

Today I am thankful again for my good friend, the dog park and the joy of watching the pure love and happiness of my dog wrestling with her buddies. And the tea and doughnut my friend brought too!

I'm also thankful for my work, my husband who's going on trips with us and making time to spend with just the two of us.

I'm thankful I'm learning how to drywall at a near professional level, able to help my H with his busted shoulder by taking on the task of plaster and sanding and get that off his plate. Looking forward to painting all my hard work this weekend!

Also thankful for another friend who is willing to take my dog on for 3 days while we're on our trip next week! Her dogs and my dog get along great- they're brother goldens (same litter) and she's a poodle and they all love each other!

In all, happy, busy and looking forward to this weekend too with my kids and their friends hanging out and our town's Christmas kick off parade!

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Back at it again- bantering w the younger woman. Lied about blocking phone calls and deleted texts. Carried on with her. Financial infidelity again- who says you only cheat with lovers?

posts: 895   路   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   路   location: Michigan
id 8765589
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 4:39 PM on Friday, November 18th, 2022

I鈥檓 a day late, but every time I came here to SI yesterday I got involved in other things.

I wanted to say we have an answered prayer. Our Son is severely autistic and requires a lot of attention. The state provides respite care, we find the attendant, then refer them to an agency that handles the hiring screening and payroll services.

She is started Monday and is perfect for him. They are buddies, this gives us time to breathe and help the other twin that gets left out alot of times because we are so busy with the other. This is truly a blessing.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8765808
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 9:18 PM on Friday, November 18th, 2022

I鈥檓 also a day late, but I鈥檓 grateful because I found out today that I get a WHOLE WEEK of Thanksgiving break!! I feel bad for being happy, because the school cancellation on Monday and Tuesday is due to mass illness in our district: flu and strep and RSV have devastated attendance. Also, my own kid has the flu.

But man, do I ever need the extra time off. I had outpatient surgery last Friday, and getting through this week has been hell. 14- and 15- year-old boys just don鈥檛 have an off switch, and dealing with them while in pain and not physically 100% has been beyond exhausting.

Tanner, I am SO happy for you and your wife. I work with so many kids on the autism spectrum, and finding respite care for parents that actually works for the kids and parents is so necessary, but so incredibly difficult.

Migander and Want2Be, I鈥檓 also very happy for the two of you. Migander, I鈥檓 impressed with the drywalling skills! We have a 120 year old fixer upper house and I鈥檓 pretty handy, but my skills do not extend to hanging drywall, at least not with any level of competence. Want2Be, I am also so grateful for the holidays and for the reminder to give thanks. The grief over my husband鈥檚 affair and the simultaneous early loss of a dear loved one to cancer (the loved one who always hosted thanksgiving, no less) cast such a long shadow over life, but they also made me acutely aware of how important it is to be grateful and present for the good things in my life.

Some of the good things are all of you who have been voices of wisdom and encouragement and positivity in a difficult season of my life. Thank you.

[This message edited by Grieving at 9:20 PM, Friday, November 18th]

Married for 20 years with two kids when my husband had a six month affair with a coworker. DD1: 6/2020. DD2: 7/3/2020. Reconciling

posts: 276   路   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8765851
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 1:29 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

Happy Thanksgiving!!! The ultimate Thankful Thursday. I鈥檓 always very careful not to complain or throw a pity party, but it鈥檚 been a very difficult week. We have the new attendant in place but our Son鈥檚 behavior is off the charts. He was only sleeping about 4 hours a night a few weeks ago so we added a sleep aid and it鈥檚 thrown his behavior into overdrive. I鈥檝e been called home from work every day this week with him beating my W or the new attendant. He will throw things from one end of the house to the other. He will only listen and behave with me, and that makes life very difficult.

I always look at the glass half full, he will stay with my W and comply an hour or two per day, a few years ago I couldn鈥檛 step out to take a bag of trash or go to the bathroom without major planning. He has improved and I鈥檓 thankful, there is also a purpose, God saved his life and trusted us to be his mom and dad He spent his first year of life in the hospital and was near death many times. When he came home from the hospital we had a room full of machines and 24 hour nursing. He has come through all of that and is one of the sweetest kids (I know it doesn鈥檛 sound that way) he is such a social butterfly and a hugger. He is fully recovered other than he still has a G-tube, It鈥檚 only to help get his medicine and to supplement nutrition when he won鈥檛 eat.

I tell my W often, we gave up our empty nest years when we adopted the twins, but God has a purpose and he is keeping us young. Our friends get to take all these awesome trips but they also have a lot of medical issues. We have none, neither me or my W take any medication and we don鈥檛 have ailments. Hey we鈥檒l take it. I hate going to the Dr.

I hope that was a thankful post 馃し鈥嶁檪锔

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8766565
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 1:42 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

Tanner, I am SO happy for you and your wife. I work with so many kids on the autism spectrum, and finding respite care for parents that actually works for the kids and parents is so necessary, but so incredibly difficult.

Thank you Grieving, I don鈥檛 know what we would do without our awsome school district and the great teachers and staff committed to his success. We sold our home and moved to this community because of their SPED department. He got a new principal this year and I was relieved when I met him, he鈥檚 7 foot tall and looks like Shaqulle O鈥橬eal, my Son will not try him 馃ぃ

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 2007   路   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   路   location: Texas DFW
id 8766568
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:45 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

WOW...I didn't see the posts done last Friday...so I got to read several posts today...WOOHOO!!!

Tanner...I think it is a very POSITIVE post Coozann smile . Thank God that those precious children have y'all grin !!! Once all of the newness becomes more familiar...hopefully then things will get to a more level place for him smile .

Grieving...you must be an ELA teacher...your writing reflects it smile . Thank you for your kind words! I hope you are still healing well! Sadly...one of our family members has the flu right now...so we can't all be together for Thanksgiving again this year. Thank God for anti-virals though!!! They are recovering nicely...and hopefully we will make up for it next weekend if everyone is healthy then smile . After Covid in 2020...and Ida in 2021...not all of us being together for Thanksgiving seems like the new normal anyway!

MIgander...I hope the painting project went smoothly smile !!! ENJOY the fruits of your labor my friend grin !!!

What a WONDERFUL Thankful Thanksgiving Thursday this is grin !! Things are a lot less hectic than they were a year ago...and it makes me thankful to see our town recovering from the devastation we had last year at this time smile . It sure makes me think about what is TRULY important in life...and it is NOT material things!! Memories we will make with our loved ones today will comfort us in the years to come smile .

I often write on here about how my H and I tell each other how THANKFUL we are for each other. This morning was no exception smile . I got up first...fixed coffee...and then went to wake him up. He looked at me with love in his eyes...and told me he was so THANKFUL that I was his wife smile . YES...actions over words...always. But words MATTER! His words...along with his body language...they just WARMED my heart grin !!

There was a time when those words were a dagger to my heart. The negative thoughts would flood my head and drop into my heart with a searing PAIN. I felt like I was drowning in misery. But I fought back against them...and I REFUSED to let negativity define me!!! I CHOOSE happiness grin !!! It truly IS a choice my dear friends and family on here smile . I pray that EVERYONE chooses happiness today grin !!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING...no matter where you are grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6324   路   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   路   location: Southeastern United States
id 8766574
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:40 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

I'm 78, sitting here with W, son, and GS. We'll talk about gratitude at dinner. I couldn'y have gotten this far without tons of things to be thankful for - but those tons are not a burden. They make me lighter.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 27878   路   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   路   location: Illinois
id 8766604
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MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 9:11 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

Want2BHappyAgain,

Thankful this Thursday for all your positive posts!

Here in Canada, we had our Thanksgiving last month. My wife, kids and MIL all celebrated 7 years after I nearly destroyed that. A lot of thanks to my BW for giving me a chance.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

smile grin

WH 53,my BW is 52
1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015
Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday
"To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 675   路   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   路   location: Canada
id 8766616
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 2:04 AM on Friday, November 25th, 2022

Happy Thanksgiving!

Haven't dropped in for a few weeks. I'm happy and thankful to have my family up for the holiday.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2173   路   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8766640
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BreakingBad ( member #75779) posted at 5:21 AM on Friday, November 25th, 2022

Appreciate all of your celebrations of thankfulness today!

Last spring my adult niece died under sudden and suspicious circumstances. We spent time today with her parents, sister, and other family. Sometimes there are just no words. We just had to get through yet another of many "firsts" without this joyful and incredible woman.

So, I'm incredibly thankful for my children every day. Every moment is precious.

"Don't you love it, don't you love it?No, I ain't happy yet.But I'm way less sad."[Credit to group AJR]

Me=BW; fWH=online affairs with 3 APs over 2.5-3 yrsBoth in IC & MCMarried 31 yrs now2 kids-both in HSAttempting R

posts: 291   路   registered: Oct. 31st, 2020
id 8766653
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