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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 5:11 PM on Thursday, December 1st, 2022

I'm thankful for the first snow of the year here. I'm also thankful for the people on this forum. I know we say it a lot, but I'm nearly three years past DDay and wouldn't be in the same place without everyone's advice. I'll have a nice big update post when I actually get there. Thanks everyone!

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2654   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8767525
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ISurvivedSoFar ( member #56915) posted at 6:25 PM on Thursday, December 1st, 2022

I am super thankful today. It is my anniversary and also just past a week from our 6th anti-versary. Why am I thankful? I am thankful because I am happy it is my anniversary and even happier that d-day anti-versary came and went before I realized what day it was. I never, ever thought I would get to this place. Thank you to every person here for giving hope and sharing very intimate aspects of your journey.

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2836   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8767538
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 4:26 PM on Friday, December 2nd, 2022

Sorry for another day late but Thursday is the new Friday, I pack the last of my week into one day. So it’s like Saturday here.

I am approaching 3 years here on SI. Things are going well and I’m about 90% healed. I’m thankful to make it this far, because 3 years ago is a blur. The great people here saved me. I’m also thankful for a WW that woke TFU and changed, like a switch went off.

Also a tip if the hat to This0is0fine, we joined at the same time, I hope things are going well for you.

I’m also thankful for the great kids we raised, our grown kids are great responsible adults. My Son bought us tickets to Sunday Night’s game Colts vs Cowboys, Sunday night football, prime time. We have end zone seats so for some of the field goals and extra points, I will be on TV.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3453   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8767824
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 9:43 PM on Friday, December 2nd, 2022

More of a fantastic Friday than a thankfulThursday, but when things are going well, this is one of those threads I think about.

A lot of members have a specific day or month or season — affair season — that triggers some harsh recall and can still spin us out years later.

My wife had an LTA, so, there wasn’t a lot of safe space on the calendar during our attempt to rebuild the M. Although, we discovered one island of time each year that didn’t involve anything outside of the family — Christmas time.

Over the last six years, it is the time of year I build back from, the little calm amongst the storm.

I find that each successive year, as we built a better deal this time around, Christmas gets to be the joyful time it should be.

Grateful for SI as always, a huge part of my recovery and rebuild.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday season!

Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4719   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8767881
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:13 PM on Friday, December 2nd, 2022

That’s great OldWounds, I’m the same way, my A season is in the summer so we are able to enjoy the holidays without thinking about what she was doing.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3453   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8767890
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:43 PM on Thursday, December 8th, 2022

Oldwounds...I LIKE Fantastic Friday posts too...THANKS for sharing...no matter WHAT day it is grin !!

Gosh...so MANY things to be thankful for...I don't know which one to use today laugh . I think I will go with the GOODWILL that this time of year brings grin . Yesterday I was in the grocery store...and found myself going down an area of the store I normally don't go to. I smiled and told God "Thank You" because I knew He was the one directing where I was going...and I was going to be getting a Blessing soon smile .

When I came around to the registers...I saw the cashier out in front...I wouldn't have to wait in line...that was a cool blessing smile . This cashier was so sweet...and actually started taking my items out of my cart and putting them on the turnstyle thingy...another blessing grin !! When she had enough items to be able to start doing her cashiering...another person came up and took her place...and finished taking all of my items out of my cart! I told them what a BLESSING they were to me that day...and they both SMILED so nicely grin .

As I was waiting for the transaction to go through...with my debit card in the machine...I heard a ring...and I looked back to see an elderly lady with a few bags of sweet potatoes behind me. I figured the ring must have been something from her cell phone. We smiled at each other...and then I heard the ring again...and realized it was the machine telling me to take my debit card OUT laugh !! I just felt I had given an Angel a set of wings. Yes...it's a reference for those who have watched "It's a Wonderful Life" grin !! We all laughed about it!!

I heard the lady ask the cashier to double bag her groceries because she was going to be walking home. Without hesitation I asked her if she would like a ride home...and she graciously accepted smile . I went out to my car...put my groceries in the trunk...and proceeded to the front of the store where the lady was waiting. She told me her street address...and it really was just a block and a half away...and on the way toward my house. The lady told me that she was very thankful for the ride because her knees were bothering her when she made the trip to the grocery store...but she was determined to make some sweet potato pies that day...and she wasn't going to let that stop her laugh .

We exchanged some niceties along the way...exchanged our names...and told each other we were going to pray for each other smile . After I dropped her off and was leaving...the JOY I felt was indescribable grin ! Being able to HELP others is a BLESSING all on its own! The people at the register went out of their way to help me...and the lady with the sweet potatoes helped me tremendously with her prayers for me smile . I FELT it when she started praying...there is nothing else that feels like that!! There is so much BAD stuff in the world today...but there is an awful lot of GOOD in it too smile . I was able to feel a little of that yesterday...and it spilled into today...all because I took a path I didn't usually take. Thank You God grin !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8768643
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 7:04 PM on Thursday, December 8th, 2022

Happy Thankful Thursday.

After I dropped her off and was leaving...the JOY I felt was indescribable grin ! Being able to HELP others is a BLESSING all on its own!

It’s amazing how God puts people in our path. The lady feels the blessing but so do you, thankfully you were obedient to the call and you were blessed just as much as her.

3 years ago right after Dday 2, things were very hard in our M, we were just starting true R. A lady came up to my W at the gym and said "I’m sorry to bother you but God wants me to tell you to "be intentional". She was almost embarrassed to tell my W, but she was obedient to the call. My W hugged her and told her she had no idea how much that meant to her. My W has never seen her again but that lady has no idea the impact that gesture had on us. It has become my W’s mantra.

I ordered my W a Wolfpak for Christmas. It’s a nice gym bag, you can also order patches for it. She’s getting one that says "Trainer" and a custom one that says "Be Intentional".

It’s been a challenging week with a major health scare, but things are going well. I will share later.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3453   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8768682
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 2:45 PM on Thursday, December 15th, 2022

Happy THANKFUL THURSDAY everyone grin !!! Bon Dieu...did y'all see what happened to my Beloved Bayou Country yesterday shocked !! We are used to hurricanes...but those danged tornadoes were SCARY!! The bad weather isn't over for some of y'all though...so please stay SAFE!!

As is the case following most storms...the weather is GORGEOUS today grin . That made me think about what I am THANKFUL for today smile . The storms in our lives DO pass...and then there is sunshine...until the next storm. C'est la vie.

I am thankful for the storms...because they really have me APPRECIATE it when the sun shines smile . For TODAY...the sun is shining BRIGHTLY...and I am very THANKFUL for that grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8769577
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 9:53 PM on Thursday, December 15th, 2022

I got an amazing end of year review and am taking tomorrow off! That's a couple things to be thankful for. :)

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2654   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8769619
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 2:29 AM on Friday, December 16th, 2022

I’m very thankful for a colleague who runs a little yoga class for teachers in her room on Thursdays after school. It’s a real blessing.

Want2Be, awesome job on your end of year review!

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 630   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8769643
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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 5:41 AM on Friday, December 16th, 2022

Today I am thankful for laughter. Over the last many months there has been a lot of it. And it’s like getting a drink after a long time in the desert. We laugh all the time now and I didn’t realize how much I have missed it. I truly look at him and my heart bursts that this time we are having might not have ever happened. It’s like getting a second chance at life.

I am thankful that I have learned to be kind to myself somewhere along the way too.

7 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

posts: 7256   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8769653
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 7:13 PM on Sunday, December 18th, 2022

HO great update, hope y’all are enjoying the new chapter of life on the road.

I didn’t post on Thursday this week, my W "The Energizer Bunny" has been down after an emergency surgery. She had a complication and went back the hospital they found another issue. I’ve had to really step up and get everyone where they need to be. I know my W would be right by my side if this was me. The hard scary times are when marriage kicks in, it’s the hard stuff that makes you stronger.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3453   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8770011
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 8:10 PM on Sunday, December 18th, 2022

Thinking of you and your wife and family as she heals, Tanner!

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 630   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8770014
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 11:08 AM on Thursday, December 22nd, 2022

I picked my Christmas tree this week. The last time when I did that was in 2016, before DDay. Due to life circumstances, that was our first tree together. I wanted to take some nice photos of the tree, so I asked for his phone, as it had a much better camera. He was nervous about it. Back then I didn’t understand why. The next three years I did not have a Christmas tree. Then the next two years I had to order it online since the tree markets were closed due to covid. That turned out well, as both trees were wonderful. Still, it is not the same as the joy of picking your own tree. I picked a good one. I don’t know whether it’s perfect, but it was the first one that caught my eye. It was somehow different, and I just knew that is my tree. I can’t wait to decorate it and take photos. This time I have my own amazing phone with super great camera. It’s gonna be perfect as I will make it so.

Oh, and my Christmas cookies turned out great, very delicious and aesthetically pleasant grin

I’m gonna have a wonderful Christmas time, and I wish the same to all of you! For those who are hurting - I hope you will have strength to find at least a little bit of peace and joy. Take care!

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 371   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8770395
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 12:11 PM on Thursday, December 22nd, 2022

Aww, Hannah, I love your tree story! Enjoy it.

I’m grateful for a cozy house to keep me, my husband, my kids, and a bunch of extended family warm over what looks to be a frigid Christmas. We got this 120 year old house for a song and have put a lot of sweat equity in it. It’s a plain old farmhouse, but such solid, honest bones. I like thinking about all the people it has kept warm over the years.

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 630   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8770398
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 5:48 PM on Thursday, December 22nd, 2022

I’m thankful that Christmas is almost here. It’s been less stressful this year because we have finally scaled it down. My W has been down so there is stress just not the Christmas madness

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3453   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8770426
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 11:18 AM on Friday, December 23rd, 2022

Thinking of you and your wife and family as she heals, Tanner!

Thank you Grieving, I just saw this post, she is doing much better. It’s been strange her being down for a couple weeks. She doesn’t stop, she is always doing something. She still insists on getting up and fixing us things to eat. She’s worried about all the pizza, McDonald’s and junk food me and the boys are eating 🤣

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3453   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8770531
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:55 PM on Friday, December 23rd, 2022

I woke up this morning thinking about my list of things to do today...and realized it was Friday shocked . I FORGOT to write in the "Thankful Thursday" thread!!! It was so COOL to come on here and read all of your posts...it has already made my day grin !!! I am very THANKFUL for y'all smile .

I was also THANKFUL when I opened up this Forum and looked at the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread...and saw another post in there...THANK YOU sisoon grin !!! It will take a miracle to get 2-3 more stories in that thread to turn the page by Christmas Day...but a true MIRACLE happened on that day thousands of years ago...so anything is possible grin !!

I was a little bummed this morning when I saw what the daily "One Thing" was about this morning from the Awesome Marriage website...romantic kissing sad . It has been a sore spot ever since my H told me he could kiss the adultery co-conspirator for hours crying . My H said from the time we started dating that he didn't like kissing...and was never was much of a kisser. Our kisses had magic at times...but those times were pretty rare. Then along came the adultery co-conspirator...and suddenly he could kiss HER for hours.

We went through it...I wrote about it on here...way too much than I probably should have...and all of y'all were very kind and helpful with me regarding that smile . I did OWN kissing again smooch . But honestly...the passionate...romantic kissing has gone back to before Dday. We kiss every day...but passionate kissing has been very lacking.

HOWEVER...this is the THANKFUL thread...so I am going to be THANKFUL for everything else that is romantic that my H and I share smile . We CONNECT...and there are certain things we do together that are magic EVERY TIME grin . We have been together for decades...we know each other's body and what can evoke...well...I'll just leave it at that blush !

I could just focus on what we DON'T have...but why? I CHOOSE to focus on what we DO have...and TODAY...that is what I am so THANKFUL for smile .

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8770646
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 2:14 PM on Sunday, December 25th, 2022

Although it’s Sunday, I felt this deserved an entry.

Last night my wife was making dinner. I’ve not been feeling well the past few days and was just laying about. My wife had the Christmas music playing and I could hear her humming while she cooked. I looked around the house at all of the Christmas decorations when it hit me.

My wife breaths such life into this house and our lives. She is such a ray of sunshine compare to old grumpy me. She really makes this house a home. I am so very blessed.

Me -FWS

posts: 2102   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8770889
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:15 AM on Thursday, December 29th, 2022

Very nice observation ff4152, my W is the same way she makes things nice and is a great keeper of the home.

We have had some real behavior challenges with our autistic Son. It has us so stressed out and we have been snapping at each other. It really triggers me when I feel disrespected. Pre Dday I would just take it and move on. Not anymore, I call it out. When I offered R I told her there will be no rug sweeping and that includes communicating about how we are feeling about something. It does cause more conflict and disagreement but we get it on the table. Like I’ve said before communication is very important even when it’s not what we want to hear. Having a severe autistic child is hard on M, D and suicide is very common with the parents of these kids, we refuse to let this get to us. We’ve been through a tsunami, we aren’t going to let an inch of water drown us.

We had a great evening last night and watched a movie together. We need each other and we make a great team in his care.

Sounds so negative but I hope that was thankful 🤷‍♂️ 🤣

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3453   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8771292
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