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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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Uxoragain ( new member #83025) posted at 1:53 PM on Saturday, March 11th, 2023

Thank you for posting Tanner!

I came back just to read and feel uplifted.

It was your statement that you delayed posting because you don’t PWI that gave me a chuckle.

BUT did you realize that you gave a coping skill to so many out here?

That you struggle, but still chose to navigate without making things worse.

The anniversary (HUGE congratulations!) is a great share.

But your gift of how to cope is the equally beautiful uplifter. It helps all of us set our emotional compasses when we struggle too.

Me: Mrs. Uxor, BW, 50's

Mr Uxor, WH, 50's

DDay Summer 2013

Currently Married almost 30 years.Reconciled but working on ripples so we stay that way.

I was here before - read about it in my story.

posts: 43   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2023   ·   location: here
id 8781707
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 3:35 PM on Saturday, March 11th, 2023

Uxoragain thank you for the kind words. SI saved me 3 years ago, I can never repay the angels that lit the path for me but I can pay it forward.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8781714
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 5:33 AM on Sunday, March 12th, 2023

So MUCH thankfulness in this thread...it just had to carry through past Thursday!!!

Coozann Tan...I LOVED your post...and really appreciate you sharing YOUR story!!

Uxoragain...I am so HAPPY I found this site!! I LOVE how you put it too!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6604   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8781786
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 12:04 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023

It is especially difficult for me to be thankful this Thursday. Last week I wrote I’m thankful that I’m healthy, and if there's an issue I have a great health care. Well, as it turned out, there is a pretty serious issue, and I require a pretty serious surgery. It feels very surreal. I feel fine, and the only thing indicating there’s something seriously wrong is an MRI image. I am familiar with this feeling of shock and disbelief – this is how I felt after DDay. I’ve already written how the universe often seems to have special love for me, but this kind of cruelty is just too much. I’m disappointed and I’m scared. So, what’s there to be thankful for? Let me try…

I’m thankful my doctor took my silly complaints seriously, and decided to send me to do the MRI just in case. Also, just like with the betrayal, my gut was telling me there’s more behind my silly issues, so I pushed for answers. Anyway, it got diagnosed, and that gave me a fighting chance. I’m thankful there are ways to treat this, and I’m thankful I have access to them, no matter how scary they are. The diagnosis could’ve been worse, and I’m thankful it wasn’t. I’m thankful this gave me something else to think about. It’s funny how your priorities change in a matter of seconds. I’m thankful I know the disbelief is just temporary, and the anger I feel on a rational level, might soon become a true emotion. Knowledge is power, and I have that power to not allow anger to consume me, as I need all my energy focused on my healing and recovery. I’m also thankful to have this safe space to express my feelings and thoughts.

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 369   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8782428
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 12:35 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023

Hannah I’m sorry you are going through this, you have the correct attitude. There are always some things to be thankful for.

We have been going through some very difficult issues with our Son. The Doctors are doing everything they can for us, with my W taking the lead. I’m thankful for her hard work and advocacy for him. When I get older and start having medical issues, I will be glad to have her in my corner.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8782432
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CFme923 ( member #82955) posted at 1:19 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023

Today I am thankful for the sunshine. I live where it gets cold and dark for several months which makes mood stabilization hard. The sun makes everything seem more okay. I made leprechaun traps with my two kids and we had so much fun laughing.

posts: 94   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2023
id 8782436
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 11:48 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023

The process of getting moved into our forever home is going much slower than anticipated, but my wife found a way to fly out from her work (she is under contract for a job in another state until July) and visit for the weekend. Thankful for the visit, we'd become a bit spoiled being around each other all the time.

About 1/3 of the way through what we need to do to get the old house sold and the rest of our stuff 1200 miles down the road to the new place.

A lot to look forward to, and we get to hang out for St. Patrick's Day, one of our fun favorite days each year.

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4699   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8782538
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 12:00 AM on Friday, March 17th, 2023

It turns out that we both had no clients today and spent it together, we went to lunch and just had a breather today. I really think God prepared us for life challenges and we both own businesses, we wouldn’t survive in a 9-5.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8782539
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:45 PM on Thursday, March 23rd, 2023

Oh gosh Hannah47!! I am so sorry I didn't see your post before today!! I will be praying for you! The positivity you showed in this will HELP you to focus on your healing Dear Lady. I am very thankful that you were able to get whatever this is...in time to do something about it.

My H and I travel a lot...and that has been the case the last week and a half. I noticed I didn't write anything in the Thankful Thursday thread last week...but it didn't mean there wasn't anything to be thankful for!!

TODAY...I am thankful to be able to be HOME!! I was able to see my seedlings sprouting up...ready to be transplanted in my garden during Holy Week. Seeing the promise of what "could be" always makes me HAPPY!!

I am truly thankful for my H as well. It sometimes felt like I was Anne Sullivan who tried so hard to get Helen Keller to understand sign language. When Helen finally GOT IT...it opened up a whole new world for her and everyone around her. I knew on Dday that it would take a miracle for my H to GET IT. I wasn't sure if I could be like Anne Sullivan...but I knew that this was the ONLY chance we had for our M to work.

I will use the words from the book Not "Just friends"...about "GIVERS" and "TAKERS". My H was so SELFISH throughout our M. I wasn't that way...and I always felt it was meant to be that way...my GIVING complimented his TAKING. Until Dday. After that the roles were reversed. HE was going to have to be the GIVER if he wanted ME in his life.

I fought...HE fought...WE fought. There were times I wanted to give up. But surprisingly...my H never did. This kept me going...to see him TRYING. It was subtle...but every day my H learned how to be more giving. I felt we had turned a corner when he exclaimed one day how EASY it really was to be a giver! He told me that he didn't know how to be like I was...and since I didn't seem to mind it...he never tried. When it was demanded of him...he became defensive...but that tactic didn't work anymore. He then started to try...and as he reached certain goals...it made him WANT to try even more.

I had to learn as well. Being a GIVING person all the time actually deprives someone else of the JOY of giving. I didn't WANT to be a TAKER...that was SELFISH. What was really selfish was ME taking the joy of giving all the time!!! Honestly...I learned that being the recipient of someone else's giving...doesn't necessarily make me a taker. I can still be a GIVER...giving my H the JOY of being a GIVER too...WIN-WIN!!!

We both had a lot to learn...or unlearn...about things. I am very THANKFUL we were at a point where we were BOTH open to it!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6604   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8783599
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 9:50 PM on Thursday, March 23rd, 2023

I'm thankful for girl scout cookies.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2597   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8783675
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 9:55 PM on Thursday, March 23rd, 2023

My medical treatment will start in less than two weeks. I’m thankful I have enough time to prepare for it as much as I can. I did some spring cleaning, bought some stuff I’ll need, talked with my closest family, and read so much about my condition that I feel like an expert grin I’m thankful for the Internet, and I’m thankful I’m educated enough to understand the issue, even when it comes to highly technical medical papers. Knowledge is power. My doctors will do some additional diagnostics first. It’s invasive, and it’s scary, but I’m thankful it exists, as that will enable them to prepare well for the treatment. If you want to go somewhere, you need a map. This will give them the best map possible. Part of me is still in disbelief, and I feel like I’m just dramatizing. Perhaps it’s just my wishful thinking. I don’t know when it will become real, but I know I’m surprisingly calm about it. All things work together for good.

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 369   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8783676
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 6:56 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

I'm thankful for girl scout cookies.

ME TOO!!

All things work together for good.

AMEN!! I am still praying for you Hannah47. Please keep us updated on your recovery!!

Oh gosh...I woke up today feeling so GOOD. It is GORGEOUS over here today...and my garden is coming along so nicely!! I am still waiting on a few seeds to pop up...but other than that...it looks like it will be a great garden this year...Thank You God!

I haven't been on much lately. I really WANT to pay it forward...I promised myself I would do that once I was healed. But my friends...it truly is hard to stay on here now that I am healed. I guess it is sort of like when I was in high school...and my life centered around the events...the places...the people IN high school. After I graduated...I would go to a few football or basketball games...periodically. But it just wasn't the same. I wasn't IN high school anymore...and my life was centered around other things.

I understand now why people who are no longer IN infidelity move on from this place. I was sure wishing to see more happily reconciled people making posts on here though...so I am determined to stay and write about life OUT of infidelity. Knowing this though...gives me a great HOPE that there are so many others like me...who have healed and gone on to live very happy and peaceful lives...despite infidelity.

That is what I am THANKFUL for today...a WONDERFUL life despite infidelity!! Between working in my garden and working in our yard...my day is filled today. Tonight we are going to visit with family members...and that is always a FUN time. When we come back home...our empty nest will be ready for US to just ENJOY each other...in whatever way we want!! Since I am working outside today...that will probably mean us watching TV with a heating pad on my back...LOL!!!

To some in our family and friend circle...this life may seem BORING. But after the tumultuous years we've had these last 9 years...boring looks like HEAVEN to us!! Thank You God!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6604   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8784873
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MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 7:20 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

Today I am thankful for Want2behappy being such an inspiration to me....

And for myself for taking the time the last 8 years to really become a better person and husband and father.

I'm not even close to perfect, but I am a hell of lot better today than I was then.

We all stand on the shoulders of others.

WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 690   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8784878
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 8:51 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023

W2BHA -

I understand now why people who are no longer IN infidelity move on from this place.

I hear that. I totally understand why people move on once they've healed.

I keep zipping back here to try and pay it forward as well, but I think sometimes I'm doing too well to be helpful.

By that I mean, my answers are those of someone who is happy, healed and my M now exceeds anything I thought possible. Most active members are in a truck ton of pain and my calm, happy, "hang in there" messages don't really land. And it was the same when I first got here, my world was so far upside down, messages from healed people made no sense to me.

I do take breaks, and in a month or so, after I post my yearly update, I will probably not find myself anywhere on the 'net, much less this amazing place that helped me so much. It ain't easy to see so many souls struggling everyday. I am glad the volunteer staff and kind hearted members like you keep the light on at the end of the tunnel.

In meanwhile, my wife and I have our first vacation in three years planned out next week, and that's what makes this another Thankful Thursday!

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 8:53 PM, Thursday, March 30th]

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4699   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8784900
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 1:05 AM on Friday, March 31st, 2023

Today I'm thankful for this wonderful place. Another Thursday thinking about what to write. Opened this thread and got inspired:

"We all stand on the shoulders of others." by @MrCleanSlate

Popularized by Sir Isaac Newton ("If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."), this phrase has ancient roots. We see more and farther than our predecessors not because we are taller and have better vision, but because we are standing on their shoulders – we are using their understanding and knowledge to make intellectual progress. However, I like MrCleanSlate’s version better – we stand on the shoulders of others – not just our predecessors, but our peers, too. Knowledge and understanding are being transferred both vertically and horizontally. This place has been all that for me – I learned so much from people here. Not just from those who are farther in their healing, but from those who "just found out", too. The thing is, there’s a huge variety of minds here – people who think differently than I do. Reading their posts helps me to understand myself better, to articulate my thoughts and feelings, to consider things from a different perspective, and so on. Thank you, SI!

There’s a giant in my life who taught me a lot about strength. I’ve never considered myself especially strong. I recently read you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Well, being strong is the only choice I have now, and I’m thankful that I am strong. I was strong before, too, I just didn’t know it. The giant is my Mom. I saw her enduring a lot of things. She never gave up. Neither will I.

@Oldwounds It helps. It is true sometimes "hang in there" messages don't really land, but every little bit helps. At least that is my experience. I wish you a great vacation!

@Want2BHappyAgain
I’m happy for your garden. I don’t have a garden (it is one of my dreams to have it one day), but there are plenty of gardens around me, so I do get to enjoy the view at least. Especially if there are some flowers. I’m thankful it is spring and everything is in bloom. There a park in my city full of forget-me-not flowers – there’s so many of them, you can’t even see the grass, beautiful!

Which reminds me – yesterday I got flowers, a sunflower card, and chocolate from my husband. It was DDay antiversary, and this is the first one he actually remembered and did something about it. I’m thankful for that miracle. There is hope.

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 369   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8784940
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:41 PM on Thursday, April 6th, 2023

MrCleanSlate...thank you for your kind words! I can only imagine how much YOU have been an inspiration to others on here as well...you sure have been one to ME!! I like that thought...standing on the shoulders of others. I can remember so MANY people on here who helped to lift me up when I was at my lowest. Several of them no longer post here...but we do still PM every now and then. This is a great place for doing just that...and also being a shoulder to raise someone else up out of infidelity hell.

Oldwounds...ENJOY your vacation my friend!!

And it was the same when I first got here, my world was so far upside down, messages from healed people made no sense to me.

I remember some of those messages myself. One in particular...that my H's A had NOTHING to do with ME. OH PLEASE!!! It had EVERYTHING to do with me...or I wouldn't be hurting as bad as I was!!! Well...they were RIGHT...LOL!! It sure didn't seem like it at first...but when I started to realize this truth...the healing started to move at a faster pace.

I was messaging with a friend on here once...and told them that there was a time when I thought they HATED me! They told me they never hated me...but they weren't mentally ready to "hear" what I was "saying"...at first. I totally get that because I was there too at one time. But I also remember desperately needing HOPE as well...and like you...I found it in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread. One other thing I've learned from this place...take what you NEED...and leave the rest. For those who need to see that there IS a wonderful life...whether it is R or D...THIS place can show it! Besides the PRS thread for R...people can also look at the "Update from Southern Colorado" thread by countrydirt in the New Beginnings Forum for a wonderful life after D! So I figure people who can't read the happy posts of those in R just yet...may come back when they are a little further along in their healing.

Shameless PLUG for upgrading...one of the benefits of upgrading is that people can see who has been on here in the last 5 minutes. I have looked up a few of the names that weren't familiar to me when I see that list...and they are usually users who have been here from before I got here a little over 8 years ago. I can imagine these people come back here to read...but don't FEEL they can contribute to anything they are reading now. YESSSSS...YOU CAN!!! Also...some are lurkers who haven't posted yet. Maybe y'all don't think your story is worth writing about? WELL...IT IS!! ALL journeys OUT of infidelity are important on here!!!

Hannah47...Moms are pretty special!! I LOVE your post about what your husband did for you!! That truly does bring HOPE to you I bet!! I am still praying for you Dear Lady...and thank you for keeping us updated on here!

My Thankful Thursday today is that I am THANKFUL that my H wholeheartedly is going to join me for Holy Thursday Mass tonight! My H let me know when we first started dating that he was NOT a fan of Catholicism...but he agreed that our children would be raised Catholic. He hasn't participated in much of these things in the past. It was just me and our children who would go. He always went to events that involved our children though. He has never seen what happens at this particular Mass...but tonight he is eagerly willing to share in it with me.

It is often said on here...ACTIONS over WORDS. That is so TRUE. His action...to willingly and eagerly join me tonight...I can't even express the thankfulness I feel over this! He's never HAD to do this...and he never has in our almost 4 decades together. This will be a FIRST for us...but it is also one more action that shows how much my H has changed from the selfish man he used to be. I am so THANKFUL for that!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6604   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8785923
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 1:06 AM on Friday, April 7th, 2023

Ok, well I missed last Thursday and I’ve been a regular here since page one. I don’t want to share too much right now, because it would be a full book, but we have been though some behavioral issues with our Son.

I’m thankful for my Wife’s never ending advocacy for our Son. She has fought hard and the Dr’s are finally realizing she isn’t going away. We got some real testing done this week and came to a diagnosis, my W came up with years ago, finally a Dr is, not only listening, but fully agreeing with a plan of care.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8785993
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 12:47 PM on Thursday, April 13th, 2023

I'm thankful the hospital food is better than expected, nurses are kind, and there's plenty of coffee. I'll write more when I get better smile

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 369   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8786705
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Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 3:04 PM on Thursday, April 13th, 2023

I'm thankful the hospital food is better than expected, nurses are kind, and there's plenty of coffee. I'll write more when I get better

Feel better SOON Hannah!

I look forward to your next update.

Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Restored.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca

posts: 4699   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: Home.
id 8786723
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 6:27 PM on Thursday, April 13th, 2023

Hannah prayers for healing. Having spent many many days with my Son in the Hospital, I agree it’s not bad.

I’m thankful today for the simple life, a few years ago we cut out a lot things that stress us, I downsized my business (actually making more now) cut unnecessary expenses cut out a lot of the stress that goes along with it. We de cluttered and got rid of all the crap we stored for years. I’m not officially a minimalist, but damn close. I don’t have a long list of chores anymore.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3387   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8786748
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