SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you for posting Tanner!

I came back just to read and feel uplifted.

It was your statement that you delayed posting because you don’t PWI that gave me a chuckle.

BUT did you realize that you gave a coping skill to so many out here?

That you struggle, but still chose to navigate without making things worse.

The anniversary (HUGE congratulations!) is a great share.

But your gift of how to cope is the equally beautiful uplifter. It helps all of us set our emotional compasses when we struggle too.

Uxoragain thank you for the kind words. SI saved me 3 years ago, I can never repay the angels that lit the path for me but I can pay it forward.

So MUCH thankfulness in this thread...it just had to carry through past Thursday!!!

Coozann Tan...I LOVED your post...and really appreciate you sharing YOUR story!!

Uxoragain...I am so HAPPY I found this site!! I LOVE how you put it too!!

It is especially difficult for me to be thankful this Thursday. Last week I wrote I’m thankful that I’m healthy, and if there's an issue I have a great health care. Well, as it turned out, there is a pretty serious issue, and I require a pretty serious surgery. It feels very surreal. I feel fine, and the only thing indicating there’s something seriously wrong is an MRI image. I am familiar with this feeling of shock and disbelief – this is how I felt after DDay. I’ve already written how the universe often seems to have special love for me, but this kind of cruelty is just too much. I’m disappointed and I’m scared. So, what’s there to be thankful for? Let me try…

I’m thankful my doctor took my silly complaints seriously, and decided to send me to do the MRI just in case. Also, just like with the betrayal, my gut was telling me there’s more behind my silly issues, so I pushed for answers. Anyway, it got diagnosed, and that gave me a fighting chance. I’m thankful there are ways to treat this, and I’m thankful I have access to them, no matter how scary they are. The diagnosis could’ve been worse, and I’m thankful it wasn’t. I’m thankful this gave me something else to think about. It’s funny how your priorities change in a matter of seconds. I’m thankful I know the disbelief is just temporary, and the anger I feel on a rational level, might soon become a true emotion. Knowledge is power, and I have that power to not allow anger to consume me, as I need all my energy focused on my healing and recovery. I’m also thankful to have this safe space to express my feelings and thoughts.

Hannah I’m sorry you are going through this, you have the correct attitude. There are always some things to be thankful for.

We have been going through some very difficult issues with our Son. The Doctors are doing everything they can for us, with my W taking the lead. I’m thankful for her hard work and advocacy for him. When I get older and start having medical issues, I will be glad to have her in my corner.

Today I am thankful for the sunshine. I live where it gets cold and dark for several months which makes mood stabilization hard. The sun makes everything seem more okay. I made leprechaun traps with my two kids and we had so much fun laughing.

The process of getting moved into our forever home is going much slower than anticipated, but my wife found a way to fly out from her work (she is under contract for a job in another state until July) and visit for the weekend. Thankful for the visit, we'd become a bit spoiled being around each other all the time.

About 1/3 of the way through what we need to do to get the old house sold and the rest of our stuff 1200 miles down the road to the new place.

A lot to look forward to, and we get to hang out for St. Patrick's Day, one of our fun favorite days each year.

It turns out that we both had no clients today and spent it together, we went to lunch and just had a breather today. I really think God prepared us for life challenges and we both own businesses, we wouldn’t survive in a 9-5.

Oh gosh Hannah47!! I am so sorry I didn't see your post before today!! I will be praying for you! The positivity you showed in this will HELP you to focus on your healing Dear Lady. I am very thankful that you were able to get whatever this is...in time to do something about it.

My H and I travel a lot...and that has been the case the last week and a half. I noticed I didn't write anything in the Thankful Thursday thread last week...but it didn't mean there wasn't anything to be thankful for!!

TODAY...I am thankful to be able to be HOME!! I was able to see my seedlings sprouting up...ready to be transplanted in my garden during Holy Week. Seeing the promise of what "could be" always makes me HAPPY!!

I am truly thankful for my H as well. It sometimes felt like I was Anne Sullivan who tried so hard to get Helen Keller to understand sign language. When Helen finally GOT IT...it opened up a whole new world for her and everyone around her. I knew on Dday that it would take a miracle for my H to GET IT. I wasn't sure if I could be like Anne Sullivan...but I knew that this was the ONLY chance we had for our M to work.

I will use the words from the book Not "Just friends"...about "GIVERS" and "TAKERS". My H was so SELFISH throughout our M. I wasn't that way...and I always felt it was meant to be that way...my GIVING complimented his TAKING. Until Dday. After that the roles were reversed. HE was going to have to be the GIVER if he wanted ME in his life.

I fought...HE fought...WE fought. There were times I wanted to give up. But surprisingly...my H never did. This kept me going...to see him TRYING. It was subtle...but every day my H learned how to be more giving. I felt we had turned a corner when he exclaimed one day how EASY it really was to be a giver! He told me that he didn't know how to be like I was...and since I didn't seem to mind it...he never tried. When it was demanded of him...he became defensive...but that tactic didn't work anymore. He then started to try...and as he reached certain goals...it made him WANT to try even more.

I had to learn as well. Being a GIVING person all the time actually deprives someone else of the JOY of giving. I didn't WANT to be a TAKER...that was SELFISH. What was really selfish was ME taking the joy of giving all the time!!! Honestly...I learned that being the recipient of someone else's giving...doesn't necessarily make me a taker. I can still be a GIVER...giving my H the JOY of being a GIVER too...WIN-WIN!!!

We both had a lot to learn...or unlearn...about things. I am very THANKFUL we were at a point where we were BOTH open to it!!

I'm thankful for girl scout cookies.

My medical treatment will start in less than two weeks. I’m thankful I have enough time to prepare for it as much as I can. I did some spring cleaning, bought some stuff I’ll need, talked with my closest family, and read so much about my condition that I feel like an expert I’m thankful for the Internet, and I’m thankful I’m educated enough to understand the issue, even when it comes to highly technical medical papers. Knowledge is power. My doctors will do some additional diagnostics first. It’s invasive, and it’s scary, but I’m thankful it exists, as that will enable them to prepare well for the treatment. If you want to go somewhere, you need a map. This will give them the best map possible. Part of me is still in disbelief, and I feel like I’m just dramatizing. Perhaps it’s just my wishful thinking. I don’t know when it will become real, but I know I’m surprisingly calm about it. All things work together for good.

I'm thankful for girl scout cookies.

ME TOO!!

All things work together for good.

AMEN!! I am still praying for you Hannah47. Please keep us updated on your recovery!!

Oh gosh...I woke up today feeling so GOOD. It is GORGEOUS over here today...and my garden is coming along so nicely!! I am still waiting on a few seeds to pop up...but other than that...it looks like it will be a great garden this year...Thank You God!

I haven't been on much lately. I really WANT to pay it forward...I promised myself I would do that once I was healed. But my friends...it truly is hard to stay on here now that I am healed. I guess it is sort of like when I was in high school...and my life centered around the events...the places...the people IN high school. After I graduated...I would go to a few football or basketball games...periodically. But it just wasn't the same. I wasn't IN high school anymore...and my life was centered around other things.

I understand now why people who are no longer IN infidelity move on from this place. I was sure wishing to see more happily reconciled people making posts on here though...so I am determined to stay and write about life OUT of infidelity. Knowing this though...gives me a great HOPE that there are so many others like me...who have healed and gone on to live very happy and peaceful lives...despite infidelity.

That is what I am THANKFUL for today...a WONDERFUL life despite infidelity!! Between working in my garden and working in our yard...my day is filled today. Tonight we are going to visit with family members...and that is always a FUN time. When we come back home...our empty nest will be ready for US to just ENJOY each other...in whatever way we want!! Since I am working outside today...that will probably mean us watching TV with a heating pad on my back...LOL!!!

To some in our family and friend circle...this life may seem BORING. But after the tumultuous years we've had these last 9 years...boring looks like HEAVEN to us!! Thank You God!!

Today I am thankful for Want2behappy being such an inspiration to me....

And for myself for taking the time the last 8 years to really become a better person and husband and father.

I'm not even close to perfect, but I am a hell of lot better today than I was then.

We all stand on the shoulders of others.

W2BHA -

I understand now why people who are no longer IN infidelity move on from this place.

I hear that. I totally understand why people move on once they've healed.

I keep zipping back here to try and pay it forward as well, but I think sometimes I'm doing too well to be helpful.

By that I mean, my answers are those of someone who is happy, healed and my M now exceeds anything I thought possible. Most active members are in a truck ton of pain and my calm, happy, "hang in there" messages don't really land. And it was the same when I first got here, my world was so far upside down, messages from healed people made no sense to me.

I do take breaks, and in a month or so, after I post my yearly update, I will probably not find myself anywhere on the 'net, much less this amazing place that helped me so much. It ain't easy to see so many souls struggling everyday. I am glad the volunteer staff and kind hearted members like you keep the light on at the end of the tunnel.

In meanwhile, my wife and I have our first vacation in three years planned out next week, and that's what makes this another Thankful Thursday!

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 8:53 PM, Thursday, March 30th]

Today I'm thankful for this wonderful place. Another Thursday thinking about what to write. Opened this thread and got inspired:

"We all stand on the shoulders of others." by @MrCleanSlate

Popularized by Sir Isaac Newton ("If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."), this phrase has ancient roots. We see more and farther than our predecessors not because we are taller and have better vision, but because we are standing on their shoulders – we are using their understanding and knowledge to make intellectual progress. However, I like MrCleanSlate’s version better – we stand on the shoulders of others – not just our predecessors, but our peers, too. Knowledge and understanding are being transferred both vertically and horizontally. This place has been all that for me – I learned so much from people here. Not just from those who are farther in their healing, but from those who "just found out", too. The thing is, there’s a huge variety of minds here – people who think differently than I do. Reading their posts helps me to understand myself better, to articulate my thoughts and feelings, to consider things from a different perspective, and so on. Thank you, SI!

There’s a giant in my life who taught me a lot about strength. I’ve never considered myself especially strong. I recently read you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Well, being strong is the only choice I have now, and I’m thankful that I am strong. I was strong before, too, I just didn’t know it. The giant is my Mom. I saw her enduring a lot of things. She never gave up. Neither will I.

@Oldwounds It helps. It is true sometimes "hang in there" messages don't really land, but every little bit helps. At least that is my experience. I wish you a great vacation!

@Want2BHappyAgain I’m happy for your garden. I don’t have a garden (it is one of my dreams to have it one day), but there are plenty of gardens around me, so I do get to enjoy the view at least. Especially if there are some flowers. I’m thankful it is spring and everything is in bloom. There a park in my city full of forget-me-not flowers – there’s so many of them, you can’t even see the grass, beautiful!

Which reminds me – yesterday I got flowers, a sunflower card, and chocolate from my husband. It was DDay antiversary, and this is the first one he actually remembered and did something about it. I’m thankful for that miracle. There is hope.