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Reconciliation :
Thankful Thursday

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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 3:32 PM on Friday, April 14th, 2023

Aw shucks...I got caught up in packing for another trip...and completely missed Thankful Thursday!!

Hannah47...WOW...I am happy to see you are on your way to recovering!! I am very much looking forward to that update as well!!

I am very THANKFUL for my garden...in case anyone didn't know...LOL!! Since hurricane Ida changed our landscape in our yard by uprooting trees...we changed the location of our garden this year. We had noticed several cucumber plants coming up in our old garden...so instead of planting seeds...I was just going to transplant those plants to the new garden.

I was careful to not mow in the area where the cucumber plants had sprouted. Needless to say...the weeds were growing as high as the plants!! When it came time for me to move the plants to their new location...I saw that there was one cucumber plant that was much bigger than the others. Greedy me thought that I could get cucumbers faster by transplanting this plant in its new location. I don't know if it was because I hadn't dug enough of the roots up...or it was so big that it went into shock...or something else...but to my dismay...this beautiful plant started withering in its new place almost immediately.

I gave it some plant food...built up the dirt around it more...and babied it. It looks like it is going to make it...Thank You God!! But some of the leaves that it had from before I uprooted it still look wilted...kind of sad looking. I felt bad for taking it away from its home. Then again...I am going to mow over that area soon...and the little sprouts that are coming up will be gone. That would have been the fate of THIS plant if I hadn't moved it to its new home.

It got me to thinking about my H and his A. I was very HAPPY with my precious M. Our M flourished and was fruitful in that beautiful place. But I didn't know what I didn't know. Our M wasn't living up to the potential it could be. There were weeds growing all around us...taking up much needed nutrients. We became complacent.

Our M was suddenly taken out of that environment and transplanted into an environment I did NOT want to be in. I didn't LIKE this new environment...where an A was a part of it...and I was wilting away. I couldn't survive in this environment!!! Despite all of this...my H decided he wasn't going to give up on us...and started doing whatever he could to make our new environment a place where I could survive. Despite his best efforts though...I wallowed in my misery. I...just...wanted...to...die. NOTHING could replace where I had been...what I had...so why bother...right? WRONG!!

Much like that sweet cucumber plant...I had to do MY part too if our M had a chance at surviving. It took me a while to even want to TRY...but I am so HAPPY that I did!! Slowly but surely we started to thrive...despite the A. I am not in the same place that I was...but this new environment is a beautiful place too! Some things are "wilted"...and will probably never get back to where they were. But other things are so much MORE than they have EVER been. More expressive...more caring...more BEAUTIFUL! As it turns out...it isn't about the environment at all. It's about the WORK.

I LOST a lot when I found out my precious M wasn't what I thought it was. But I have GAINED so much more when I see what my M really IS!! With us not working on our M...that old environment was being neglected of the much needed nutrients to make it thrive. It was turning toxic and would have killed the part of our M that I felt was precious. I can honestly say that doing the work to nurture our M in this new environment has grown our M in ways we never expected we could ever achieve!!

So...for TODAY...I am so THANKFUL for that sweet...transplanted...cucumber plant. It reminds me of an environment where I will continue to THRIVE!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8786910
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 5:35 PM on Friday, April 14th, 2023

Oh my goodness, a W2BHA post with zero emojis..... smile WTBHA, are you okay? Blink twice if you can hear me!? wink

Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.

posts: 2123   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8786962
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 9:45 PM on Friday, April 14th, 2023

LOL!!! I am fine emergent8...thanks for your concern!!

I was wondering if anyone would notice!! I think I have been doing this for maybe 3 or 4 months?

I have gotten so used to it that I don't even think about the emojis anymore...lol!!

This made me SMILE...thanks for that!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8786982
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 5:55 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2023

I was wondering if anyone would notice!! I think I have been doing this for maybe 3 or 4 months?

I must admit, I didn't believe you at first and had to go through some of your posts to check. You're right! I suppose your enduring positivity was able to shine through without them. smile

Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.

posts: 2123   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8787230
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 9:56 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2023

W2BHA, I'm currently taking a horticulture class and I love your analogy! Maybe it just took a little compost and hardening things off to make them flourish. wink

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1296   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8787264
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:14 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2023

Yea it’s not the same without your emojis 🤣🤣👍🤷‍♂️🍪🫕🍺

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3445   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8787265
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 12:45 AM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

I agree, I miss your emojis! But your positivity shines through regardless. I am thankful for YOU!!

Husband had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Married 20 years at that point; two teenaged kids. Reconciling.

posts: 630   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8787271
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 2:56 PM on Thursday, April 20th, 2023

It's been more than a month since I got my medical diagnosis. I had to do some additional diagnostics first. Even though it’s invasive, the doctors assured me everything will be fine, it’s a routine procedure for them, and I’m in good hands. I resisted the urge to tell them they have no idea with whom they are dealing with. My husband jokes that my Borg designation would be Nine of Ten – because that’s how many side effects I usually experience grin Anyway, I’m thankful the procedure itself went well, it was very uncomfortable, but it didn’t hurt much, and the doctors got some very nice pictures.

The next day I was discharged from the hospital, and everything seemed fine, just a little pain and bruising around the incision area. Few days later the problems started, and I was back in the hospital. Before the procedure, I got a huge list of "what could go wrong", with a note that the chances are very small. Well, the pain started to get worse, my small hematoma started to expand, and there was an additional complication that wasn’t even on the list. In fact, several specialists looked at it and had no idea what to do about it. Basically, they had never seen that happening before. One of them said it is possible that happened because I’m slim, that is, there was not enough subcutaneous fat to "hold things in place". Talking about an ego boost laugh They decided to keep me in the hospital to monitor, and to give me some intravenous medication. Then I had a pretty strong reaction to the medication, and my veins did not want to cooperate with the intravenous catheter, so at one point I had my arms pierced at four different spots.

I’m thankful I’m home now, and it seems the things are finally starting to heal and get better. Oh, and I went through all that torture just to hear there’s not much we can do to treat my primary health issue. That is, the surgery is too risky, and it wouldn’t help with my symptoms. Thankfully, the thing seems stable enough for me to live my life more or less normally for now. We’re gonna monitor it regularly (next MRI is in 4 months), and that’s it. I’m gonna ask for a second opinion as soon as I get my medical data from the hospital, but I feel relief, and I’m very much thankful I don’t have to go through a serious surgery now. I can handle the symptoms, and learn to live with them, I will adapt.

In a way, all of this is very similar to reconciliation. After getting a serious diagnosis (DDay), you go through additional checks to decide what to do. Complications are always possible (additional lies, trickle-truth, new DDays, unremorseful spouse, triggers…) It’s a torture. Drastic measure (surgery / divorce) is not always an option, it is risky and possibly not beneficial. In the end, you treat the wound the best you can, but the primary thing (the fact of the betrayal) stays with you. Like a thing in my head. It is stable enough so that I can live my life normally. I don’t like it, I wish it’s not there, I hate this is my new reality, but I can deny it the power to define me. And I can adapt to the symptoms. This is something my second opinion (SI) taught me, especially Want2BHappyAgain – you don’t have to accept, but you can surely adapt!

Want2BHappyAgain, I also very much enjoy your positivity and analogies. Sometimes when I read your posts, I think to myself "this lady is nuts!" But, you know, a good kind of nuts smile You remind me of me before the shit started, and you help me to find myself again.

Tanner, I’m an organized hoarder. (I have CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be smile ) Nevertheless, more and more I find myself willing to get rid of the unnecessary crap. Just the other day I threw away a bunch of old, broken jewelry that I’d never wear again anyway. It felt good. It’s gonna take time, but I’m planning to declutter and get rid of unnecessary stuff in my environment.

Oldwounds Thank you for kind wishes, I hope your vacation went well, and your wife and you had a wonderful time!

[This message edited by Hannah47 at 3:22 PM, Thursday, April 20th]

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 371   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8787657
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 8:12 PM on Thursday, April 27th, 2023

Hannah47...thank you for your update. WOW...your analogy sure does make sense! I hope that things will continue on this path of improvement for you! Being called a "good kind of nut" isn't so bad...I've been called worse...LOL!!

Thank y'all for your supporting words...I can't even express how much they mean to me! I want to apologize to you emergent8. I lied to you when I said I was fine. I'm not. I can't really write much about it and still be totally anonymous on here. I can write that I have a beloved family member who had an illness that turned out to be terminal. I was hoping against hope...praying very hard these last few months. God answered my prayers...only not in the way I wanted. Sometimes He says, "NO".

We received the bad news last week...there's no denying it now. When the reality hit...I just kind of stayed to myself...and off of social media. The suffering I've witnessed them having to deal with has been gut wrenching. But their strength and endurance has been awe inspiring. Humans are really resilient when it comes to our pain and suffering. At least we know WHAT has been going on...and we can deal with it. If anyone feels like it...prayers would really be appreciated for my family member.

Anyway...that is what's going on with me right now. I know that I will use emojis again...one day. The only one I have felt like using since all of this started was the crying one...and that would have made my posts so BORING! I THOUGHT I could get by without using them...but y'all knew the difference! I have actually had a few PM's over the last few months from some sweet people who were concerned. Y'all are all just so SWEET!!

Today is THANKFUL Thursday...and there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for...so here I go!! I am very thankful that my transplanted cucumber plant has flowers!! It is way bigger than the other cucumber plants I transplanted...but they are coming along just fine too! Some of my other plants have vegetables on them now...so in the next week I should be eating food from my garden...YAY!

I am so very thankful for the gorgeous weather we are having as well! The alligators and snakes like it too ... so we have to be a little more careful on our hikes. This past weekend a 5 foot alligator refused to get off of the trail we were on ... so we had to leave instead. My H said he could drive it away with the stick he carries on our hikes. But I figured the alligator was already being too aggressive by not running into the water when it saw us and it took a "charging" stand instead. We would have had to pass the alligator twice ... coming and going. So when we came back around ... it might have friends!!! So the alligator won ... that day!

Last but definitely NOT least ... I am so THANKFUL for y'all on here! I am really moved by what I read when I came on this thread ... thank y'all so much for that! This place has been a Godsend for me ... and I truly FEEL the caring we all have for each other in this place. We're anonymous ... but we all share something deeply personal and utterly gut wrenching in itself ... infidelity ... no matter which side of the A we are on. Now I know that it is more than just infidelity that binds us together ... MUCH MORE. THANK Y'ALL for being the caring people y'all are!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8788726
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 8:21 PM on Thursday, April 27th, 2023

Feeling thankful this Thursday:

For all the SI'ers who have hung in there with me as I have pulled my head out of my ass these years and have started on a road to healing and growth.

For my 2 awesome kids who are so smart, funny and enthusiastic. And sweet and affectionate. And sassy. And persistent... when wanting something laugh . They're so grown and so much smarter (relationship wise) and so much more confident in who they are than I ever was at their age. I'm so proud of them and blessed that I get a chance to call them mine.

For my work friends and all their kids I got to meet today- we had "take your kid to work day" and I got to catch up with an old high school friend and his kid, meet a few other coworker's kids and introduce my kids to one of the engineers I work most closely with. He's on a 7am China call with me every Tuesday for the last 3 years and has heard more than probably necessary of me chivvying my kids to "BRUSH YOUR HAIR! BRUSH YOUR TEETH! DO YOU HAVE A LUNCH??" laugh Now he got to meet the source of the commotion laugh .

I'm thankful I have a place to work that pulls out all the stops on the STEM fun to make sure the next generation is exposed to engineering and the fun and wackiness that trying to make a safe and drivable car entails.

Oh, and today I got introduced to a new aerodynamic system whose acronym is "BADASS" laugh Yeah, we're nerds!

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

posts: 1180   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8788727
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 10:47 PM on Thursday, April 27th, 2023

I know that I will use emojis again...one day. The only one I have felt like using since all of this started was the crying one

My use of emojis to you during this time has been to make you smile and hopefully not trigger you. It’s with the best intentions.

So I think it’s time to share something I have shared publicly. Our Son has been in the hospital for a full week now, he has something going on that no one can pin point. The Dr’s are doing everything they can to find it, but he is non verbal and can’t tell us. He is also combative when they try to do anything. They told us today he could be in for weeks.

My W has been by his side 24/7 and rarely leaves the room. The nurses tell her to take a break, go eat, or just take a walk. I’m home keeping my business going and running his twin to and from school. I spend the mornings and evenings at the hospital with them, 50 miles away.

I’m so thankful that my W came to her senses and dragged me to R. I was truly done with our M and definitely done with false R. What would this look like? We are a great team for his care, we have cleared our lives of everything to get him healed. I’m thankful for his twin that told me he can take care of himself in the evening after school, he said our priority is his brother’s care.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3445   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8788744
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 11:50 PM on Thursday, April 27th, 2023

My use of emojis to you during this time has been to make you smile and hopefully not trigger you. It’s with the best intentions.

Your emojis have definitely made me smile Coozann...and I appreciate them very much!

Y'all are AMAZING parents...and it shows in the care that your twin has toward his brother in the hospital. How thoughtful that was of him to say that to you. I am praying for y'alls precious baby...and for y'all too.

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8788760
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 6:48 PM on Friday, April 28th, 2023

I want to apologize to you emergent8. I lied to you when I said I was fine. I'm not. I can't really write much about it and still be totally anonymous on here. I can write that I have a beloved family member who had an illness that turned out to be terminal.

Please do not apologize, WTBHA. You do not owe us your anonymity, your positivity, or any details of what is going on with your family member. I apologize if my post, which I certainly intended to be light-hearted, made you feel called out, or like it was necessary to provide us with a public explanation. I’m so sorry to hear of your family’s struggle. I think it is a testament to what an incredibly bright light you are for so many people here that as many of us noticed an even minor difference in the tone of your posts.

Tanner – The fact that you have adjusted the way you post to try to make WTBHA feel better when you are going through so much yourself shows exactly what kind of wonderful person you are. This is a great example of the very best of this community. I’m so glad you and your wife each have a teammate though all of this.

Hannah – I’m so sorry for your diagnosis and your recent complications. The fact that you have been able to have insights through all of this that others can benefit from is impressive, but perhaps not surprising (from you). I often find myself looking to your posts and nodding along. I wish you continued strength.

All 3 of you are in my thoughts.

Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.

posts: 2123   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8788909
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 5:04 PM on Saturday, April 29th, 2023

emergent8...what a SWEETHEART you are Dear Lady!! I didn't feel like I had been called out at all by your very lighthearted and kind post. I have felt the need to share this with others for a while...but didn't quite know how to do it. You gave me something to think about...and it opened the door for others to write on here too...and I am so very GRATEFUL to you that you posted what you did!

MIgander...it sounds like you have such a FUN job!! I remember "take your kid to work day"!! I used to have such a GOOD time bringing my kids way back when!! Oddly...none of them ever took up the career I had...so I guess it didn't look like much FUN to them...LOL!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8788980
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 5:12 PM on Thursday, May 4th, 2023

emergent8, thank you for kind words and wishes, it’s much appreciated! I’m getting better every day. I’m even confident I’ll be strong enough to resume my training next week. I’m thankful for that. Fingers crossed!

Want2BHappyAgain, I’m sorry to hear about your family member. I’m not religious (no one’s perfect), but sometimes I do find myself talking to the Universe / whoever might be listening, and I wished for peace and strength to you and your family, you are in my thoughts!

MIgander, I fully support "take your kid to work day" and similar events. I very much dislike contemporary corporate culture where jobs alienate people from their families. For me, doing your best at work is important, but family always comes first. It’s great to see companies recognize the importance of family, be it through such events or simple understanding. I’m very thankful my husband’s boss showed full understanding and support when my husband took some time off to be there for me during my health struggles last month. Also, STEM is awesome, thank you for making it even more awesome!

Tanner, I hope your son is doing better. I understand what you are talking about. I had similar thoughts. If I had to go through my health struggles (running to hospitals, dealing with bureaucracy, exams, doctors, organizing my life…) alone, I’d somehow do it, but this made it much more easier. Not to mention emotional support. There’s a Swedish proverb about the value of sharing: Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow. I think it applies here.

Today is May the 4th – Star Wars Day. So, let me be thankful for Star Wars today. I know it’s silly, but the franchise has a special meaning for me, and it’s very important to me. May the Force be with you!
EDIT: I forgot to write - I'm thankful SI website has Star Wars skin selection - makes it feel like home grin

[This message edited by Hannah47 at 8:23 PM, Thursday, May 4th]

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 371   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8789576
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MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 5:44 PM on Thursday, May 4th, 2023

Another Thankful Thursday.


This Thursday I'm thankful for Want2BHappyAgain being here and sharing - I check in most Thursday's just for this thread.

And for those who observe it

WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day

posts: 690   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8789586
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Hannah47 ( member #80116) posted at 6:15 PM on Thursday, May 4th, 2023

MrCleanSlate,

This Thursday I'm thankful for Want2BHappyAgain being here and sharing - I check in most Thursday's just for this thread.

This is the May! grin

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm."
She whispers back, "I am the storm."

posts: 371   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022
id 8789595
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 4:22 AM on Friday, May 5th, 2023

I am so very HAPPY to see all these posts...THANKS y'all for keeping this going!!!

Today has been a GOOD day. It hasn't been this way for a while...because A season is getting ready to start for me. But I can honestly say that I had a GOOD day...and that truly says a lot!!

I do know all that these next few months meant...9 years ago. But I am going to take one day at a time...and for TODAY...things went very well!

I sure hope everyone enjoyed their Star Wars Day...and I KNOW y'all are all going to enjoy Cinco de Mayo tomorrow!!! May has some pretty cool days in it...and I am going to RELISH every one of them!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6615   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8789658
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Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 5:21 AM on Tuesday, May 9th, 2023

There’s a Swedish proverb about the value of sharing: Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow. I think it applies here.

Thank you so much Hannah, I needed this.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years

posts: 3445   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8790173
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 3:49 AM on Friday, May 12th, 2023

I'm thankful for nice spring weather and for my wife.

I biked to work today for the first time in a long time.

My wife has been great organizing summer camps for the kids and we had a nice moment while watching a show with an A storyline. She said, "I'm sorry I handled everything wrong and was a bad wife."

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2644   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8790541
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