Daisy - I hope the meeting with the counselor goes well for your daughter. Good for her for standing up for herself. No kid should be touching another kid - period!
HHADL - I forgot to tell you that I love the ring too. Great idea. I took my wedding rings off after DDay1 and have not put them back on. Instead I bought myself, with money of my own, a simple set of three bands. They mean that I'm choosing to be in this marriage, but have no association with my WH. I'm still pondering what to do with my other rings. There are lots of diamonds and I am wondering if I should just have all three melted down into something new OR sell them. My WH's cousin (whose WH left her for his AP)had her big old diamond put into a new ring that had her daughter's initials on it. It's pretty cool. She wears it on her right hand. (Speaking of karma stories, her WH married his AP and then died of cancer (that he had gotten and gone through remission for when still with WH's cousin). Sad for her daughters, but he definitely did not enjoy his life with his AP - though she got his $.)
TallGirl - Ugh. I'm sorry about that whole story. Sorry you feel stuck in how to help your son. Sorry your WH is such a stupid fucker and sorry that your fridge still isn't here! $60 does not cover that shit!! I hope today is a better day.
Coco - I agree, the stuff kids will say to each other and how the girls are treated (and don't say no to) is crazy. They see so much in the media and get so little reinforcement of healthy relationships. Even if their parents are great, the time spent with school, friends, and social media is SO much more than time spent with their great parents.
I decided to try something new with WH. Since it's a new month, we are going to:
- have a daily prayer
- stop using our phones before bed (with the exception of me listening to an audiobook while I sleep)
- start work on a book or project together
- write down 3 things we are grateful for - and communicate at least one thing that we are grateful for about each other
- try some kind of touch - he asked for walks while holding hands twice a week, I said I would try holding hands for a few minutes in bed and see where that goes. It's very triggery for me to touch him and I don't want to commit to anything
- we are also going to write a list of all of the triggers we can think of and find ways to attack them or work through them
- last but not least we are going to start going through the many many questions I have (fishbowl ala Not Just Friends - I write questions on little pieces of paper and throw them in a drawer. With the new revelation I have lots of questions that are the same bc I don't know if he lied or told me the truth in the past 2 years)
I am hoping that by doing something, I can get a little bit more unstuck. As for me, I called two therapists recommended for partner betrayal and one had a waiting list, the other won't take insurance and wanted to basically interview ME and see if she'd take me on. Um, no thanks. You work for me, not the other way around at $150/50 minutes. So I'm going to reach out for more recs.
Also, I had a win. I drank too much wine the other night. (Almost a whole bottle, it was NOT a good idea) I filled out the shesahomewrecker form - all the way down to uploading a photo of cOWhore. I just needed to press submit. But I stopped myself.
Question: WH and I were discussing the Demi Moore book and how Ashton Kutcher is not happy about it. (In it she discusses the threesomes, etc.) WH said it's not nice of her to reveal his secrets. I say it's her right. Is it nice, no. But it's not illegal unless it's lies. And I very much imagine that he has not sued her bc it is all TRUE and can't be litigated for libel. Would you feel you had a right to tell your story that publicly even if it made someone else look bad? Is it petty? I told him that if I ever chose to write a book about my story, his would be told too. And if I was still married to him, he'd obviously be a consideration, but if I wasn't and we were not on good terms? All is fair in love and war.