SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Chaos - thinking of you on the eve of your 20th.

I hit my 25th this summer and spent it with DD (had no desire at all to be anywhere near my WH).

virtual fucking hugs.

This is what I say to today. For realz.

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 3:33 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

Ladies. Off is a good direction.

Had my 25th this year too. It was not celebrated period. I was with DS

I am pretty sure I sent a very shitty earned text to my WHy.

Fridge arrives tomorrow it there is anything wrong with it you will hear about it in the news. Many people will be diagnosed with a large fridge part up their ass in Toronto.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 3:45 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

Aww Chaos, you have a baby kitty! That's a positive. Just look into the kitten's sweet little face every time you get annoyed this week. That should help a little.

Oh I love the laughs here. So much needed medicine for the soul.

Brokenhearted - On the Paxil, how long have you taken it? I know that side effects sometimes get better after a few weeks, but I never had any when I took Paxil (15 years ago). I didn't take it too long bc I got pregnant and weaned off. BUT I did try taking something that my brain cannot recall the name of (OMG trauma brain!) and had awful side effects - racing heart, anxiety off the charts, etc - on the first day so I didn't continue. I haven't gone back to the doctor for it either, bc I started the neurofeedback and want to see how it helps before I decide on more medication. I'd think if your doc doesn't want to try something new but you don't agree, then find a different doctor for another opinion?

Chaos - Ugh. I hate that something as big as a 20th anniversary now holds the excitement of picking up dog poop. I will be thinking of you and hope you deal with tomorrow in a way that you feel good about. I think I already mentioned, but WH and I have already planned to do the smash room this year for our 18th. Maybe you could do a kickboxing class and have your WH stand in for the bag? I love that you have a baby kitten. I wish I had the balls to foster kittens. I don't want cats, just kittens. But they freak me out since the last cat I adopted gave me ringworm.

EllieK - perfection

TallGirl - crossing my fingers and toes for your fridge to get there!

Having a pretty good day today. I finished listening to Demi's book and in it she says something like "maybe all of this stuff didn't happen TO me, but happened FOR me". It's all about the narrative, isn't it? I'm really wondering if this neurofeedback crap is working. I feel like I should be a mess, but whenever I have a down thought, I feel it and keep moving. I mean, *I* came up with that whole list of things to do together. While I was doing neurofeedback. He told me that it was most relaxed I've been in a session. WTF is wrong with me?

Happy FUCKING Tuesday ladies!

[This message edited by TX1995 at 4:45 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

I'd think if your doc doesn't want to try something new but you don't agree, then find a different doctor for another opinion?

I agree with this.

TX - I've only had 1 neurfeedback session beyond the initial "read", but I'm hopeful and I like my therapist. The initial "read" results were pretty much "duh" in that she said my back brain (limbic? lizard?) was over active and needed more alpha (she calls them the "chill" waves). I suppose it was just comforting to hear that my brain waves are showing the trauma (amazing that there's always this part of me that seems to think it's something I should be able to control better or that it's not REALLY trauma!).

Last week she put the cap on and put me in front of a computer screen with a car on a racetrack.... like the racing games my kids played years ago- using hand controllers! She then said "relax and use your brain to make the car move". It was pretty weird trying to move something on a computer screen with my brainwaves.

My SCAT mentioned doing EMDR, but I'm not sure it's a good idea right now to be doing both (and I can only see the SCAT every 2 weeks or so, while the neuro/trauma person has more openings. I may even look into seeing the neuro person more than 1x a week, as I've met my deductible so it's $15/week til end of year). I've been considering changing the meds (esp after the last 2+ week long "low" on the coaster from hell), but think I'll give these treatments a chance (getting back to daily exercise helps).

I saw Demi interviewed on Ellen DeGeneres and was intrigued to get on the waitlist for the book from my library (I dunno why, but I was never much of a Demi fan). And fuck Ashton Kucher - if he didn't want his ex-wife to write about his bullshit, maybe he shouldn't have cheated!

At neuro/trauma IC's suggestion I'm reading something called "healing rage: women making inner peace possible". The first chapter had me crying about FOO, how rage/trauma is generational and seems to just keep getting passed down, my own fucked up choices and, of course, the ways I handed down this "gift" to my own DD (and DS probably). The idea of processing and moving through all the rage -from FOO to LTA to suicide to WH who can't seem to step out of his own shadow- gives me hope for better mental health and outlook. So, fucking A on that front!

Tallgirl- I hope you get an awesome fridge. I am no suzie homemaker, but I gotta say that we bought a new fridge about a year ago and I still marvel at it whenever I open it. After 2+ weeks w/o, I suppose a decent ice bucket would make me marvel!

I'm looking into the Dr Martens sparkly bitch boots as a bday gift for DD.

It was a Fucking Tuesday. I thought I lost my purse tonight. Talk about stress. I looked for 2 hours - could not for the life of me remember taking my purse out of the car.

Well I didn't. Turns out my son grabbed with a bunch of other stuff and brought it to the basement.

That was the only place I didn't tear apart.

So I'm grateful, now just the fridge so I can be grateful some more.

When I reactivate my visa card, hello sparkly pretties!!

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 9:22 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]

Am I the only one who has random, out of the blue, thoughts of choking WH? They come somewhat regularly.

OK back to the 343 unread work emails.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 8:04 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

Definitely not choking but I do get sudden urges to punch him square in the face...

I get the punch in the face moments. And the slap about the head moments. And definitely the kick in the dick moments.

WH's are just stupid - we know this because they did this shit and we are here.

Hmmm. I never got the choking idea. Punch in the face? Absolutely. Early on there were times we would be cooking in the kitchen and I’d literally have to walk away bc I was thinking about stabbing him. Wondering if I could stab hard enough to break through the skin and cartilage and what not. Wondering if I’d hit bones if I could pull out the knife and do it again. I’ve never had such thoughts my entire life.

And I cannot for the life of my understand why I didn’t think about a swift kick in the cajones! Like, stabbing? Sure. But a kick in the nuts? Nope. Trauma brain is a funny thing.

I sure hope your WH is not doing some new douchey thing.

Maise, I grew up in Virginia, so i say y'all.

Ok, I've lost track of who said what. I'm going to try to respond, but apologize for not naming y'all.

Paxil side effects. I can't take paxil. I get serious heart palpitations and can't sleep. If you don't like it, stop taking it. I don't think that GPs, PCPs, PCMs (whatever you want to call them) should be the first to prescribe psychotropic drugs. I firmly believe a psychiatrist should diagnose any mental health issues and prescribe meds until positive clinical results are obtained.

I had a doctor prescribe a different antidepressant from what i was used to. Can't remember the name now. It started with an L and was the newest AD, so be in ng pushed hard. I took it once. It was horrible! I didn't sleep all night and i was the only adult home taking care of 3 small children. When i called the doctor's office about it, I was told to keep taking it for a few more days as things should settle down. I refused. I told them I was not taking it ever again and wanted my zoloft back. They complied.

Hm...describing that neurofeedback, I think I've done that. I remember sitting in front of a computer and someone telling about the different brain waves.

If your doing something you don't want the world to know about, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

I think this depends. First, let me say that I know nothing about Demi and Ashton. I couldn't care less about celebrities and their lives. If she is disclosing info about their private (sexual) lives, I think that's wrong. To me, that's no different than posting a sex tape on the internet after breaking up with your partner.

So, if she's disclosing info about sexacapades they had together, he has e every right to be pissed. If she is talking about her struggle and journey through infidelity, that's her story to do with what she wants.

A dirty little tell all to be vindictive and/or make money ain't cool. A book about her struggles for her own catharsis and maybe to help someone else is fine.

I think I'm forgetting something, so I'm going to post this and go back and reread.

how the girls are treated (and don't say no to) is crazy.

Yes! I put up with a lot of shit because no one ever told me it wasn't ok. I didn't get guidance from my parents on how to handle bullying, harrassment, sexual advances/relationships, any of that stuff. I was mistreated and abused many times. That's why I make a point to talk to my boys about it.

TG, I think you could've been describing my adult son. He lives in another state, a 2 days drive. He moved there with his W. She cheated on him, got pregnant by the OM, and left him there alone. He refuses to move back home because he owns his house and likes being a homeowner. He is definitely depressed. He knows it. He talks to me about it. He won't see a professional about it. He drinks too much alcohol. It concerns me greatly because he has alcoholism, drug addiction, and suicide in his family history.

All I can do is talk to him about it, tell him my concerns (as concerns, not judgements or demands for actions ppl n), and love him.

He has made plans to visit us for Thanksgiving. I'm over the moon excited!

Ive never wanted to really hurt WH as far as choking but i have thought about a kick in the dick a few times.

. If she is disclosing info about their private (sexual) lives, I think that's wrong. To me, that's no different than posting a sex tape on the internet after breaking up with your partner.

So, if she's disclosing info about sexacapades they had together, he has e every right to be pissed. If she is talking about her struggle and journey through infidelity, that's her story to do with what she wants.

A dirty little tell all to be vindictive and/or make money ain't cool. A book about her struggles for her own catharsis and maybe to help someone else is fine.

Yes to all of this!!

Interesting that punch in the face is nearly as common as a kick in the dick.

Is he being an asshat again? Not terribly. He was pouty this week because I didn't seem him for our weekly visit last week.

He didn't want to see me for over 5 years, so he can fuck off.

Seriously, mental reasoning is diminished, or the A has been compartmentalized to a huge extent. Because you can put shit in a box, doesn't mean you didn't shit and that it doesn't stink.

Eloquence is so my gig.

ETA

My son is coming home for thanksgiving too. I want him to be happy and now I have a fridge, life is better.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 1:30 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

I haven't read back, and don't have time to read and update but felt like we are too awesome to be the 4th topic in ICR.

and can I just say FUCK WEDNESDAYS? I think I jinxed myself last night when I said things were good. WH and I got into a tiff last night AND again today after MC. I want to throw him, his self-pity at the time of his A and the cOWhore off a cliff right now...

FUCK WEDNESDAYS!

Well. Now I'm wondering if I should see about getting MY son home for thanksgiving!

The FOMO is strong here today!

Yay for a fridge!!

So we were watching a show on TV and an affair was mentioned. He immediately saw me start to tense up and react. We shut it off and put something on to make us laugh. One of our all-time favorites: The King of Queens. But just as we put it on, a commercial came on. All i heard was “Cheating on spouse with a psychopath”. With the word “cheating” and “psychopath” boldly written on the tv screen. Really?!!!!! Fuck. Could it have been more appropriate?! I just left the living room and cried in my room. He came up 10 minutes later to comfort me.

Yeah, fuck Wednesday’s!!

Oh hi my lovelies! I am back after a crazy wonderful emotional weekend. Our firstborn child, who somehow seems to have all of the best qualities from both of us and very few of our faults left for his first duty station with the Air Force. It's real now - before when he was at basic training and then tech school we knew he'd be home, but now his room is mostly empty and he actually LIVES somewhere else. We left him at my in-laws to begin his journey. Driving across 1/3 of the country by himself. Right before he left for basic training he flipped his truck OFF A CLIFF, so I'm even more nervous than I would normally be. My poor husband watched the entire thing in his rear view mirror.

Anyways! Let's play catch up!

I only say... the "F" word in bed. I'm such a boring square!

HB83 - take care of YOU. Lunch with a friend sounds dreamy!

Tallgirl - hope you survived the shirtless young men.

HHADL - reclaim EVERYTHING. The ring is wonderful, and from someone who deserves you! I saw a dragon ring on Etsy today. I wonder if I'm nerdy enough to get it.

TX1995 - this terrible roller coaster they put us on SUCKS. You've been on it a lot longer than I have, I'm sure you're over it.

Daisy - I think you're doing the right thing. Snapchat is evil, but our kids almost need their phones anymore.

Chaos - *hugs* to you on your anniversary. Ours was in August. So many emotions.

Daisy - UGH, I hate that we have all of these triggers.

PS. It's taken me so long to type this response that my son is now arrived safe and sound at his first base!

I have been weepy all fucking day. I just keep mentally going back to the last year - things that were said, all the hb, the hope I had, the sadness, and the unbelievable rage.

I had IC last night, so hoping it is just residual shit being stirred up. But ready for it to go away, cus I have been a mess today and my eyes are gonna be puffy AF tomorrow.

FUUUUUUUUCK Wednesdays. Fuck all the fucking days right now. I just want to hibernate until I drop 50 lbs and am normal again. Well... as normal as I ever was anyways.

Hugs all around.