SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hawke. Like it. Nothing else. Very subtle. Dating at any age renders us 14 again.

Chaos and emergent. You are right. Shit covered in glitter is still shit. I just hate that everyone else sees her glitter. I am being a total victim in the Drama Triangle when I say that I did things right MY WHOLE LIFE and this piece of shit gets everyone thinking she's amazing and wonderful. It's just not fair. (Though if I think about it, it's not like people who know us both don't like me too!) I just hate her hate her hate her. (Said in a toddler voice.)

It's actually quite fitting that in my church small group last night we talked about praying for our enemies. I said I had only had ONE enemy in my whole life and I was NOT ready to pray for her. (Don't think God wants me to lie.) Apparently there have been studies done that people who pray for their enemies actually wind up reporting being HAPPIER! Dammit. I have been texting WH all week (even though he doesn't have a phone) and I told him last night that while I don't pray FOR her, I don't actively pray that she'll get hit by a bus. I consider that a win. Of course I would not cry if she did. (But I'd feel bad because she has two kids and a husband who love her and I don't like the idea of anyone hurting.) Ugh. Being a bigger person really sucks sometimes.

I'm starting to get a little nervous about WH coming home tomorrow night. I'm both really excited to see him and hear about his experience BUT it's been...peaceful while he's been gone. It's weird. I don't know what message that sends. I do miss him. I do wish he was here. He's still my best friend. But I really do think he killed my renewed love with the sex/lies of TT.

I'm wondering if perhaps I can get that back? Maybe I can. Maybe I can't. It's quite the conundrum. I see my old therapist tomorrow for a check in bc I haven't gotten a new one and thought I should talk to someone before he came home. I'm going to ask her for someone who does CPT. I *think* maybe that if I *want* to really try for R, I need to re-write the narrative. I still think that what he did was unforgivable, that he ruined my perfect love story, that I'll never be loved by someone like I deserve, and that I'm dumb and weak to stay.

By the way, all of those thoughts are my shitty first drafts, I TRULY don't think that of anyone else who stays in R - which is even more fucked up. My sister is a BS who stayed and I think she's amazing and strong and a fucking badass. My best friend is a WS and I love her like no one else. It's all just ME. And how I think about ME.

Anyways, I am going to finish doing some paper crafting with my daughter now. Bonding with glue and scissors is always fun. :) I hope you all have a great night.

AND I'm toasting with you Daisy Anne - I hope you and your WH had a fantastic reunion this evening.

By the way GMC are you in graphic design? I'm actually taking a class right now in Photoshop. Also one in web design. I'm thinking I need to start a website of cards for the infidelity population. Lord knows we need to get the fuck out of the Hallmark aisle! Can't wait to see your Pirate Captain Donut Ho! (Which reminds me of my son's favorite books years ago - Pirate Captain Dinosaur!

I totally understand not wanting to pray for your enemies. I put my OW's name in our prayer box. As I am not ready to bring her name up in my prayers everyday I still think she is a broken person and needs prayer. I don't find myself mad at her. People think I am crazy for it, but at the end of the day she did not have a commitment to me, HE did. He put the ring on my finger and promised to be faithful for the rest of our lives not her. When the affair started she did not know about me (before we were married). When I found some text from her shortly after being married I informed her that He was married. As they stopped messing with each other for a bit they did pick the affair back up. She knew about me at that point and chose to do it anyway. She was "in-love" with him. I couldn't imagine being in love with a married man. Either way she had no commitment towards me, He did. All my anger goes toward him not her.

Ladies I missed a few days and had to go back 5 pages. I love you guys.

How was your bday Chaos?

Hawke - you don’t have to be friends with your xbf If you feel like whenever that is the right time. Your approach to it has been strong.

Proudly ahem I am married to assho Captain Save a Ho.

I have had some shit days in a row . I cracked today. Sobbed in the car. I told my assho captain save a ho that I am ready for the universe to cut me a fucking break. That I have had enough shit to last for the rest of my life and it is my turn for something good. Assho said nothing. Finally a smart move.

Universe I would like a working fucking fridge please. It’s been a week. Enough. And could you please take out the ho with the trash. Or a Mack truck. I am not picky.

I want a pair of sparkly boots to wear to bed. To work. To the grocery store. To the wine store.

I am drinking fucking wine and sangria this weekend. Lots

I told my favourite uncle why I haven’t called in 18 months. Hearing the story, as abridged as it was, was awful. I felt so humiliated. Jerry Springer fodder.

Not getting easier. Can’t see that changing until I have Altzheimers. .

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 8:38 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]

Hugging you hard TG!!

We all need sparkly boots, and sangria, and wine, and antidepressants, and definitely working frdiges.

And may I just say FUCK HOS. FUCK THEM RIGHT IN THE EAR.

I know it's easier said than done but you have NOTHING to be humiliated about. Capt Dipshit is the one who should be humiliated. And if he doesn't that says way more about his deficiencies than it does yours.

Hang in there girl!!

My fch and I have come up with pet names for each other. He looked like such an old man nerd heading to the golf club that I said I would call him Bif. He said he would call me Moonbeam.

That should give you a good idea of how different we are.

Without the sweater vest, but he threatened to wear one.

I channeled my inner 14-year-old and liked the post. Phew! Thanks for the support for what must seem a ridiculous issue given what the rest of you are dealing with.

TX: Perhaps the people who can pray for their enemies reach happiness first and then are able to pray for their enemies, rather than the praying leading to happiness. I remember my doctor asking me when I was first dealing with the cheating whether I felt suicidal or homicidal. I said I wouldn’t be sorry if ex wrapped his car around a telephone pole, but I wasn’t planning it or anything. She just laughed.

My BD was understated which is just the way I wanted it. Being as last year I had a huge party and he left to fuck DW the day afterward under the guise of watching the game with the guys. I wanted nothing to do with it. No gifts, no fucking nothing.

BUT we have a teen who wanted to celebrate. So - he got cupcakes from my favorite local bakery, and went to my hair salon and paid for my next appointment including tip. So...I was heard yet still treated like I was special and teen got to present me with something. I had a glass of wine then went to bed early.

EllieKMAS I totally read that wrong.

FUCK HOS. FUCK THEM RIGHT IN THE EAR.

You see I added an R to ear. And I'm thinking well use a cactus. And make sure it is one with a flower on top so it looks "cute" sticking out of it

Firstly thank you for the hugs..I sure as shit need them.

My question is why do men who have a deep-seated need to be needed marry women who are independent? Captain Save a Ho should go find a needy damsel, not a self sufficient woman.

I spilt my coffee again, note to self...no coffee allowed in this thread

Seriously I only became weak & destroyed after his infidelities, in every other aspect of my life I kept my strength, I worked damn hard (harder than he ever did even on his own business) I paid for every damn thing my kids ever wanted or needed with 3 pt jobs fitting in with them, I didn't need him for shit, nothing, just to have my back & build a future for our kids, I didn't want anything else, so all the bullying, manipulation, underhandedness really wasn't even needed. I was there for the long haul, I never had plans to go anywhere without him or our family. Really its just all a load of BS. just something else I can no longer gain answers for.

My therapist says it's because Narcissists are attracted to people THEY want to be like and eventually they get jealous of this and start to break the person down to their level. Disgusting freaks!

Holy shit mine too, maybe there is some truth to this then, I thought he was just pacifying me

Lostheart,

We miss them bc we didn't cheat lie & betray the ones we loved, they did this, so it takes a while for us (loyal & faithful) to get the memo & catch up.

gmc, I have my fingers crossed for you ((((hugs))))

TX, im not religious in anyway its not a big deal in our area really, but there is no way in this lifetime I would pray for any of the skanks my STBXH has been with, id rather be hit by lightening or run over by a bus, you are much better than me as I've even wished for very very bad things to happen to him & them (made sense in my head)

Daisy, Im so glad your H is doing everything to help you, it sux that he has to but its also awesome to see he's trying his best.

Coco, Good luck with the new therapist I truly hope it works out.

Tg, im so bloody sorry for you, hopefully you will get that working fridge very soon. we should all have some of those sparkly boots!

(((((hugs lovie)))))

if only all our problems could be solved by buying new to replace faulty or damaged goods.

Chaos & Ellie, Hahahaha you gals are seriously hilarious I really want to learn how to upload pics...so damn funny

sorry I missed so much, I really hope I haven't missed anyone out,

sorry if I have!

Chaos,

No NO NOOO not the Cactus again...ive only just stopped thinking of it

Am glad your teen got to do something & it wasn't to bad for you (ish)

hugs to you.

FUCK THE HOES anyone/anything to do with THEM!!

Chaos, I'm glad you got your understated birthday and your teen got to show you some love. ❤

Chaos, so glad you had a good birthday. How sweet of your son!

Hawke, i would have liked the post too. No comment on it, but a like is perfect.

Daisy, Im so glad your H is doing everything to help you, it sux that he has to but its also awesome to see he's trying his best.

Yeah, I thanked him for helping making it a little easier for me. He said he was glad it helped and that it was his responsibility. Damn straight it is!

Hugs to everyone and have a kickass Friday!

Hope you all are having a fabulous Friday!

Meth-head McSexAddict called today. I ignored, naturally. I honestly don't understand how the hell he thinks I will ever pick up his calls again. It's been almost a year, you would think he would get it through that thick skull by now. He then sent 6 texts in a row asking in various different ways for my address so he can send the divorce papers. Also in one of those texts was a "Let's not drag this on for years I'm sorry for all of it." I'm now looking into getting a P.O. box so I don't have to give him my real address.

I don't know how to feel. On one hand, I feel vindicated. Finally, he's going to file the papers like he should have all along instead of badgering me about it. He can pay the filing fee, then all I have to do is respond. I know it will be pretty quick, we don't have anything to split, just need to get the paperwork filled out and get it over with. On the other hand, I'm so incredibly sad that this is what our relationship has boiled down to. The fact that he suggested annulment a couple of months ago because he thought it would be "easier" just makes me want to throw up - how invalidating. And then there are also all of my feelings of rage towards him for doing what he did, and the way he chose to go about it, that this half-assed apology just feels like his final act of selfishness.

He says he's sorry for "all of it." I would really like to know what "all of it" means to him. Like you're sorry for what? For spending 7 years leading me to believe that you wanted to start a new life with me with more kids, only to have me pay for half of your vasectomy reversal and then decide you don't want to anymore? For fucking another woman in our bed? For fucking me in that bed after you had her over while I was out of town? For setting me up to come back to our house and find the two of you naked in that bed, because you're just too much of a coward to actually end it, that you needed it to blow up? For lying to me for months while you talked to her behind my back? For breaking up our family? For treating the girls like shit? For getting rid of our daughters only mother figure just so you can indulge your methed up, sick, sexual fantasies with some random whore? For loving me for my high standards, then deciding that they are just too hard to live up to so I deserve to be treated like a piece of garbage so that you can bring me down to your level?

Or even just about all of the other non-affair related stuff... Are you sorry that you routinely mutilated my belongings because of your sick compulsions? That you lied to your own daughters for years about the nature of our sexual relationship? That you led the girls to believe that I was pressuring you into sex, that I didn't understand the concept of consent, even though all along that was actually you? That you risked my mental and physical health so that you could jerk off for hours on end?

Have you apologized to your daughters for all of the terrible things you did to them? For how you involved them in our sex life by talking to them about it? For making them buy you lubricant, and women's underwear, and high heels because you're too embarrassed to, knowing that they wouldn't say no to you because they don't want to get yelled at? Fuck I'm more angry at him for the way he treated them than anything else.

He latched onto me, thinking I was going to save him, but ended up just dragging me down with him. And then he decided that being a good person was just too damn hard, so he was willing to throw it all away for some drugs and risky sex, and throw his wife in the trash along with any glimmer of morals he had built up during his time with me.

I know a lot of people talk about how infidelity just shows you who they always were... and I don't disagree with that. It obviously exposed even more deep-seated issues than the ones I already knew about. But honestly, the saddest part to me is that I KNOW that there is lightness and goodness deep down in there. I've seen it. And instead of rising up and doing the work to be a better person, to let this light shine through, he is choosing to bury it underneath all of this nastiness. So much potential was lost - our lives together, our committed family life for our daughters since lord knows they had a fucked up childhood with their bio mom, and even just his own ability to be a good person. It's like he has just accepted his fate as a terrible human being and doesn't want to do anything to rise above it.

Cheers to divorce papers, and silencing your ex's calls. No alcohol for me tonight, that wouldn't end well, but I'll have a good cry instead.

HeHadADoubleLife

I am so sorry for your pain. Your ex is unwell. I read many of your posts. You were incredibly loving and supportive of him. I have to admit that I could never be so supportive.

You are simply too good for him. And you did not deserve what he did , there is no normal in his behaviour.

Have him leave the papers at a friends or send the papers to your work.

You should celebrate the divorce, You are free from his selfishness and cowardice. Now you can start to heal.

My toast for you is May HHADL find joy and happiness while boasting awesome sparkly Bitch boots. Ps. Bitch boots fit nicely up someone’s ass.

HUGS

Gals. I am glad that the week is done.

My fridge is delayed at least 12 days now. Yep no working fridge for 12 fucking days. They think $40 is appropriate compensation for my inconvenience. My hulkess is waiting to come out and put on my bitch boots.

I am sure I bombed on a job interview.

A deploy at work is in big trouble

And my neighbour wants me to spend $2400 on a fence so he can put in a swim spa. I am so so done this week.

This week can fuck right off.

I have been adopted into you guys awesome sauce thread by le EllieKMAS

Hi! *waving*

(((HHADL)))

I have no words except for you are amazing and wonderful and you deserve so much more than that.

TG - OMG I would come un-fucking-glued about the fridge thing... Sounds like you have just had a really rough week.

Chaos... cactus butt plug You kill me. I am deaded.

Toasts, sparkles, cacti, and bitchboots all around!!

Hey Maise!! Welcome.

Hey Tallgirl!

Thank ya!! I had no clue this little area of SI existed in this way 😊 I thought it was sort of like the other threads. It’s nice that you all have this whole little community here with funny stuff at times. I love it!

No worries gals - I caught Maise up. She is aware of the fabulousness that is Rashawnda

Hi Maise! 👋🏼 Welcome to the best thread on SI

Omg I’m triggering at the word butt plug (guess what I found when I was moving out? ) but also laughing hysterically at it being a cactus!! Should I send him one along with my response to his divorce papers?? 🤔

TG what the hell do they expect you to do with no fridge for nearly 2 weeks??

Thanks ladies. I know I’m better off without him, and yet I still love him very much. I can’t help that, and I think I’ll be ok with it eventually. I can love the person he had the potential to be, and also mourn its passing, kind of like a death.

And don’t worry, the only shoes I own are bitch boots, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Glitter is not my jam, I’m more a leather and studs kinda gal, but they are fabulous nonetheless!

I’m gonna see my oldest in a few minutes so I have to compose myself... I will never understand how my X and his psycho ex wife produced such amazing young ladies, but I am forever indebted to them for bringing them into my life. It’ll be good to see her, and I’ll be having a good long cry once I get home!

if only all our problems could be solved by buying new to replace faulty or damaged goods.

BBE, so much this!! I bet if we could go shopping at the spouse store we would all be making sure to read the fine print and get the “doesn’t fuck other people” model. Too bad it’s not that easy

She is aware of the fabulousness that is Rashawnda

Phew! Glad she knows we all hail Rashawnda! Ellie is the first recipient of our Perel award, so you have a good mentor for your intro to the thread, Maise. She received said award for her Kick in the Dick proclamation a la Oprah. KITD are reserved for our waywards when they act like douchebags, and we’ve all collectively decided that Kicks in the Dick do not only apply to males, they can be kicks in a woman’s spiritual dick also.

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 10:41 PM, September 27th (Friday)]