SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you everyone. My husband came home . He held me tight and has been by my side through it all. I spoke to my daughter briefly on the phone asked her if she needed anything. She spoke to my husband her stepdad for several minutes. I spoke with the psychologist about my past and hers when it comes to what she is going through. Doing anything I can do for them to help her. My husband went with me to pick things out for her that was permissable and we dropped it off. Last night when they were going through the list of things she can and can't have it floored me. No erasers ? I was like. What the hell are these kids doing with erasers to hurt themselves ? Looked on line when I got home and was amazed to find there is a trend out there where kids were creating huge wounds on their skin by rubbing it off with an eraser !!! What ???!!! So many things. I feel better now. Mustered up some courage to go into the bathroom and shower. Just feel like I could sleep for a thousand years but can't. As for bio dad ? Ummm yeah. Told my husband and he said "What the hell ???" I think her stepmom put a stop to that . I can see her saying "Oh no. You ain't goin camping. You can sit your ass down and deal. " Just glad it's her issue to deal with now and not mine. Thank you for the kind words and prayers.

Thank God you got there when you did.

May I ask if she is aware of the fact that you went through a similar experience?

I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to share that with my kids, maybe for fear of frightening them. But it could be a comfort to her maybe. Mom was in the same situation, and got through it.

I could be dead wrong. But you are such a fine example, I thought it might be helpful.

So sorry to hear this. As someone who has faced anxiety and depression for most of my adult life, I know what it's like to see your kid suffer from the same thing, and wonder if it's something you passed down to them.

I have been hospitalized twice when things were really bad. I never made an attempt, but the plan was there. During the first hospitalization, it was recommended that I be treated with ECT. It was like a miracle for me. The anxiety and depression were so bad that I'd lost over 25 lbs., and was basically non-functional... I was also taking Xanax on a daily basis. Within a month of finishing ECT, I was voluntarily weaning myself off of Xanax, and was totally re-engaging with life. My daughters have never been debilitated as I was, but they have their own anxiety issues. I hope to god that they never experience any mental health crisis like I have, or your daughter has.

There are so many good resources out there, for both your daughter and the family. Check out NAMI and/or DBSA. Great places to get support, and you will need everything you can get.

Hang in there.

Y'know...the idea it's passed down has crossed my mind more than once. My son who is 27 I haven't spoken to in over a year. He has been diagnosed initially with bipolar disorder and ADHD. He as far as I know is currently drinking excessively and doing drugs. I myself have minimally shared these issues I have such as ADD and Bipolar disorder but I was cautious and didn't want her to feel like it was her destiny. I do think it helped in the way she trusted me and confided after the attempt to kill herself. I was able to come to her level and talk to her to a point where she was calm and comfortable enough to go to the hospital with me. I was in my own way able to keep her calm enough to go through the process and hand her over to those who could help her where I couldn't. It still hurts though. I know she is in a better place and am greatful that I could provide for her and recognize what she needed before it was too late. When I was younger my parents didn't know or understand the things I went through. I attempted suicide and self harm throughout my life without recognition

or help. The shame that comes with that. I don't want my daughter to feel that way. Why can't we recognize that mental illnesses need as much attention as physical illnesses. It's such a silent killer. I hope she can receive the help she needs and know she is loved. I want the best for her. I am not perfect by any stretch of anyone's imagination but I love my children intensely and fiercely to the point I would sacrifice myself for their well being. Sorry just expressing a whole lot of pain here. Thank you for listening.

(((Bonetired)))

Why can't we recognize that mental illnesses need as much attention as physical illnesses. It's such a silent killer.

You are 110% correct! As far as I'm concerned, mental health illnesses ARE physical illnesses. Listen, I know you're going through hell and have gone through a seriously traumatic situation. I hope you know you did the right thing, and your daughter is lucky to have you. My kids both have serious depression, and my greatest fear is what you've gone through. My heart is with you, I hope you can feel that through the typed words. Hang in there, a brighter day *will* dawn. We have to believe that.

((((Bonetired))))). I am so sorry. Your family is in my prayers!

((Bonetired))

Bonetired, Perhaps get a IC for yourself. Watching your child difficult go through a crisis like this is wearing. Please take care of yourself.

Well....found out that my daughter's dad went on that camping trip after all......a$$hole. Can't say that anywhere but here. I think you are right PricklePatch I need a really good IC right now. Let my sister and mom know what is going on and they are devastated. I went to bed early last night and woke up around 3 a.m. My mind just running around in circles. Found my sister left a very tearful message. I will have to call her sometime later today. Just can't deal with any more pain right now. This sucks.

About your xh-yeah, when my kids had any problems, their dad made things worse. He berated them for being so upset when he left, told then the cause of their problems was that I had them in IC and she was messing up their head. We stopped telling him anything after that. Try to be relieved ur xh is out of the picture-maybe he’ll stay out of the picture so your daughter can get on steady footing before having to deal with him.

(((Bonetired & family)))

So very sorry. ((Virtual Hugs))

((Bonetired))

My heart goes out to you. My DD13 attempted last October via 100 tylenol pills. Believe me that your daughter is in the right place and is in good hands. As others said, self care is very important right now for you. Easier said than done sometimes. My whole world stopped that day and the weeks/months to follow. I have lock boxes for all knives, scissors, medications, ropes, etc. Follow the Dr's and psychiatrist's. I never heard of the eraser thing, wow. My DD 2 months ago was putting a bunch of hair ties around her wrist really tight. There will be things you just don't or won't think of.

This has been the hardest things as a parent for me. But the fact that our DDs are still here is a blessing. You all will have a long road ahead, it may not be rapid but be patient and trust the process. Message me anytime if you need to talk. I felt so alone at the beginning but found out that so many others were going through the exact same thing or have been down this road as a parent before. One day at a time.

Thank you so much j707. I spoke with her today and she sounded good. We laughed a little. She talked to the dogs on speakerphone. She sounded lighter and more engaged in conversation. They started her on an anti anxiety med and so far it hasn't been bad. I think her being in a neutral place with professional s is doing her a world of good. I have received tearful phone calls from family and her stepmom who loves her as well is on full throttle because of this. Her go to coping mechanism is to do a thousand things at once and just go,go,go. My daughter has expressed that this can amp up her anxiety. I know her stepmom cares and doesn't mean any harm by it. Hell I'd rather that than what her father did which is escaping and going camping. Yet it's good for her to have a barrier between family and other stressors right now. So greatful for you guys and for where she is at.

something similar happened to me and my step daughter. Last year she swallowed three pill bottles at like 1 in the morning. It was a work night and normally I am out by 10. I was up way late playing video games with some friends. I go to bed at 2, walking through the dark living room I see someone slumped over on the living room chair, it was my stepdaughter.

She is doing a lot better now after therapy and meds. She spent a month in a rehab facility down near Detroit. She is working through her feelings about her dad, she is finally coming of age and noticing that he is not there for her, never was there for her, and had no interest in having her overnight, except to lower his monthly support. I have tried to be the best male role model possible but I am not and never will be her dad. just so sad.

the two of you are in my thoughts

(((Bonetired)))

I've been there too. I don't have any useful advice.

Just virtual hugs.

O.k SI friends need your advice right now. Spoke to my daughter over the phone today and she told me she doesn't want to come back home. I asked why and she said she was afraid of being put under more pressure with the activities she is being forced to participate in at her dad's house in regards to her stepmom. I reassured her I would put my foot down and the activities in question would not be an issue. These are things that has put her under a tremendous amount of pressure yet due to it being 'tradition' at her dad's house with her stepmom she has been forced to endure participating in them. They are not essential and she hates these extracurricular activities. How do I approach this with stepmom and reinforce that no this won't continue. Should I consult a lawyer? I had initially full physical custody with joint legal with her father. We agreed on joint custody so both of us could work full time and still take care of her. Dad has been jobless for sometime now and stepmom has her stomping boots on when it comes to my ex and me in regards to what my daughter's needs are. I know she loves her but I can't help but feel that her intentions albeit good are bad for my daughter and misguided. I just need to be sure I put the stop to it. For a long time I have been afraid to stand up to what my husband says is a bully. Even if she doesn't mean to be she is way too overpowering and her word is it or the highway so to speak. So S.I. friends. What would you do?

Shouldn't the parenting of your DD be between you and your exH? Why does her step mom get a say?

Can you have a conversation with your exH about your daughter's wishes and let him know you support her decision and feel it is in her best interest that he also support her wishes?

Don't let him bully you. You are being a good mom and supporting your DD.

zebra25 exact thing my husband says.

Here is an update. Stayed awake all night heart racing and cheat hurting. Went for a five mile walk this morning before calling my daughter's father. Spoke with him about her wishes and anxiety In relation to stressful environment. It went well. We all agreed that nothing was worth the cost of our daughter's life. We have the summer to get her stabilized and get her the counseling she needs. Both of us know we have to get our houses in order and communication with each other to help her. I hope this is a silver lining and that we can begin to heal from it and help her as well. Thanks S.I. for being there. I know this isn't about infidelity but you guys really pulled through and helped me out. Today I can breath a little better.