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Rubbing it in his face

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sisoon posted 10/25/2020 12:03 PM

I did some obsessing about ow. When I caught myself doing it, I stopped, b/c 1) I knew the problem was my W, not ow, and 2) I realized I was angry, and I switched to letting my W know I was angry or nurturing myself out of the anger.

Telling my W what a loser she was didn't help, maybe because I was hoping to stay M, and who wants to stay with a loser? What did help was acknowledging that I was angry and - oh, yeah - letting my W know I was angry or nurturing myself out of it.

I could obsess for a goodly amount of time before I realized that's what I was doing.

trustedg posted 10/25/2020 12:35 PM

I did a lot of that. I had a hard time believing WH could sink so low. I went off on her.

Mickie500 posted 10/25/2020 12:44 PM

I see your point. Choosing to stay married to a loser is not good. Iím trying to see if I can categorize his actions as something not so looser-ish.

Underserving posted 10/25/2020 13:07 PM

I think itís ok to believe our wayward spouses WERE losers during the time of their A. My WH acted like a ridiculous teenager during that time. The stuff he said and did doesnít even sound like the person Iíve known for 14 years. Thatís because it wasnít the real him. It was the rock bottom and most broken version of himself. I do believe if we divorced he wouldnít have a relationship with anyone even remotely like the OW. She served her purpose as an ego stroker and a you know what dumpster during a really dark time for him. I know it wasnít worth it to him. I know he has no regard for her.

I donít think my WH is the same person he was then. But I will always view him as a loser during his A.

Mickie500 posted 10/25/2020 15:23 PM

Undeserving you are right.
He was a great big fat loser.

Mickie500 posted 10/26/2020 19:15 PM

Today I was thinking that maybe it falls under one of the stages of Grieving because Iím not always angry and poking fun.

Underserving posted 10/27/2020 13:43 PM

Today I was thinking that maybe it falls under one of the stages of Grieving because Iím not always angry and poking fun.

I do this too. Sometimes Iím not mad, but something will remind me of the OW, or how he acted during the A, and Iíll make a joke.

Probably even though I think Iím joking, Iím still processing the pain. I still have days where I think ďyou really threw your family in the trash for THAT? You should be embarrassed, sir.Ē

Which he is, and to that I say, ďGood!Ē

IwillSurvive2020 posted 10/27/2020 14:55 PM

I've been doing that. Mine's a bit different in that he had a PA with a prostitute (only one that i KNOW of) but messaged 20+ in a three month time period. At first the ones I saw via googling numbers were pretty and I was upset. Then I learned from a forum for men that utilize these ladies's services, that most are old pictures and heavily filtered. Then I learned how dangerous it all really was and I threw that in his face big time.

And then last night I looked through some of the other numbers and some were not even trying to hide the roughness of their lives and I got very sad for them. And him a bit, as something is truly wrong with him based on the number of women he texted and the frequency.

Not sure if any of that even makes sense. I'm still processing it myself.

IronStitches posted 10/28/2020 18:41 PM

Don't hold back! Go for it. I totally and completely rubbed it in his face -- the whole affair was SO cliche and pathetic. I grabbed some pics of the c*m bucket from her FB page and texted him like I was her in a mocking fashion. He actually said he needed that. He needed to see how totally fucking sad she was and how she fed that loser part of him.

Now we can joke about it. There was a news story about people getting caught having sex on a church alter. One of the women resembled the AP. I kept that woman's mug shot and whip it out if the joke calls for it. For us, the jokes mean we're connected, we're us.

But you do what you need to for yourself. If he can't stand the heat he should have kept his pants damn on.

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