How were you caught?

How was your affair discovered and do you think it plays into how your betrayed spouse has acted toward you and do you think the outcome would have been different?

2 comments posted: Monday, March 29th, 2021

The Ugly Truth-triggery for BS

The truth I learned through becoming a WW.

I used to think I wanted to know everything that was going on in my WH's mind. But now that I have crossed a line I wish I did not know what he could possibly have been feeling.

The things I learned becoming a Wayward:

1. When you feel like shit you do shitty things.

2. It's all about relieving pain.

For me the pain of betrayal hurt like crazy and I decided that I needed retribution so I thought.

I am sad all day with varying moments of flatness or okayness. When i received the "Happy Thanksgiving" text from an ex I immediately felt an opportunity to feel more than okay.

3. The affair grows fast and the AP somehow says exactly what you want to hear so you think...but maybe it's just that you want to hear anything other than flatness and everyday silence. The contentment I used to have knowing that my husband and I can just sit next to each other in silence and be content was suddenly not an attribute anymore. That fast something I used to think was awesome my brain deemed as boring and unappealing...a flaw.

4. All the "feel goods"of something new pulls you in fast. My husband was NOT in my head at all. Here is the hurtful part....I didn't once think of him while I was texting the AP on the couch next to him. I left the couch and went to the bedroom to continue. I was so excited to hear from him out of the blue. That excitement trumped my cuddling on the couch next to my husband watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving as we have done traditionally for over 23 years.

5. I wanted the phone by my side not because I wanted to be sneaky but because I couldn't wait to read what he wrote because he words made me high.

6. He made me feel only great and desirable because he said so every other sentence. It was entoxicating.

7. I could not focus on anything but him and when we would meet up. it moved to talking live to him wanting to fly out. Still no disdain for husband at this point only indifferece as if my husband was a hologram moving around me from a past life.

8.The AP didn't bring up my husband and neither did I. I would tell him if I couldn't text him for a while because of family stuff.

9. My daydreams were of the AP almost immediately.And I am still thinking about him right now even though we NC.

10. As soon as I decided to go serious NC i started dissecting my husband. I said to him I don't want to be stuck in a rut. I want to do some exciting things in the bedroom. I proceeded to text my husband in a very sexual way that I had been texting the AP and when my husband didn't engage in a way I found hot and sexy and steamy wnough I started to get upset with my husband. I second guessed my decision to go NC. Why should I be without this excitment? If you want me to be faithful make it exciting.I was now asking my husband if he found me attractive because he never tells me anymore--- The AP was all over me asking for pictures and looking through the pictures i posted and liking them and being very specific about whT HE WANTED to do.

suddenly my husband was boring. I remember feeling after DDay with my husband that he had been putting me in a competiotion I didn't know I was in and the AP knew and was winning. You gave her the cheat sheet and tested me and I was failing.

I so easily did the same thing. I wanted my husband to swoop in and be assertive and sweep me off my feet and he did not. so he had a loss he didn't even know he was racking up.

11. I am no contact and so depressed about being without the ego kibbles all the pain of betrayak has come flooding back.

12. All of me wants that feeling the AP gave me and the scary part is I don't think i can feel that excitement again from my husband.Not because i don't love him....but because It's hard to replicate the excitement of something new.

13. I'm missing that I am no longer receiving the electricity sparks from each alert on my phone. Coupled with the fact that my husband betryaed me and there is a little sting there I am freaking out.

14. My husband and I have great sex even to this day but the reality of what I have in my bed has been corrupted by what I anticipate in my head with the AP.

To the Waywards out there how log will i be in this place since i started NC? I wish the idea of it in my head wasn't built up like I'm missing something. How long will i feel a lost opportunity?

11 comments posted: Monday, December 7th, 2020

This side of it is horrible

If you have followed me I’m sure it’s apparent how effed up my fWH’s affair has made me. And maybe you all have been waiting for me to crash and burn because I displayed all the signs.

I really need help.

I became a MH shortly after Dday but it in my mind Because there was no sex or significant time I dismissed it.

I have had that little voice inside me telling me that I will only be able to move forward if I have an affair of my own. Then and only then will I have a handle on my desire to reconcile.

Well I’m in the thick of an online affair with a guy from 20 years ago. I can’t believe how quickly this escalated as it started with him saying happy thanksgiving at 9:15pm on Thanksgiving night and we’ve been texting nonstop.

I thought it was safe because it’s online and with COVID and he lives in NYC while I live in Chicago.

WRONG! We’ve been sexting. He’s clearly experienced with it and I feel naive and it’s tapped into my Dom/Sub fantasy. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the variations of that relationship but somehow I think it’s extremely addictive. He knows what to say to me. I feel irritable and sick when I’m not texting him or when he takes too long to text back.

It’s been nonstop on both ends. I didn’t choose an affair down person- he’s someone I would have dated back in the day.

It’s been 4 days of communication but 20 years since we encountered each other.

Can I be in limerance this fast?!?! How do I get out of it?

The worse thing is ...... I’m thinking if this what my husband had to go through???

How did you stop contact? We shouldn’t be this close in 4 days.

131 comments posted: Tuesday, December 1st, 2020

The One Thing Wayward/Madhatter edition

Someone suggested that I start a topic as I did in the Reconciliation section-

The One Thing you miss the most of your relationship before infidelity.......

As a MH I suppose I can share from a wayward’s POV.

The one thing I regret is that my husband, who was already struggling with low self esteem issues which contributed to his cheating) looks at me and knows my eyes looked wantingly at someone else and that person walks around knowing that guys wife wants me.

Does that makes sense???

16 comments posted: Saturday, November 7th, 2020

Easy undetectable IPhone spy ware

Does anyone know of an app for iPhones that can be installed without detection. I do have Apple ID and password but prefer not to use it if I don’t have to.

0 comment posted: Wednesday, June 10th, 2020