SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hardly ever start a thread but this is too good to pass up. Sometimes the stars and heavens align as they should. My fWW and I travelled to meet some old friends for dinner last night in a neighboring city about an hour away. After dinner we lingered and talked to catch up and it was getting a little late, so I decided to go up to the register by the bar and pay our bill quickly so we could hit the road. It was crowded and loud and as I worked my way to the register who should I see sitting at the bar, but my current neighbor J.

Let me explain about J. We live in a small suburban subdivision with about fifty to sixty homes and everybody knows everybody. I have helped coach the neighborhood soccer team since my kids were young more than twenty years ago, and that is how I know J. J and his wife M are in their early 40’s and have three children including twin preteen girls who play soccer on my team. J’s wife M is quiet but very sweet and a SAHM, always volunteering to help. The only way to describe J is obnoxious. He is one of these parents who shows up at a game with an attitude. He is constantly yelling instructions to his girls during the game, and he harasses the ref’s and other team members and gets in verbal spats with the other team’s parents. J is always willing to give unsolicited opinions to the other parents on how they should raise their children and teach their kids life lessons.

So, lo and behold, as I get up to the register I spy J sitting at the bar with his arms totally wrapped around a young woman at least 15 years younger and they are kissing. (Let’s call the young woman: IT). Well, I am usually a soft spoken, quiet guy, but this pissed me off. J had his back turned to me so I said loud enough for others to hear: “ Why, J what a surprise to see you this far from home, how are M and the kids.” He just about fell off of his bar stool and turned around and looked like he had just seen a ghost!😁 The IT lifted her hand off of his inner thigh and just stared down at her drink. J just mumbled something about being there to see his Aunt, and his family was fine thanks for asking.

Oh, but this was too good of an opportunity as a BS, and I wasn’t going to let it go. So I asked J if the twins were excited to start the soccer season next month. I told him how great M was for always bringing healthy snacks for the team and how much we all appreciated her. I kept asking different things about his kids and his W. I just let him sit there and squirm like the POS he is. Finally, I paid my bill and as I passed J I said: “give my best to M. Tell her we’ll be in touch soon.” If looks could kill I’d be dead by now. But I don’t give a shit. When I got out to the parking lot my W asked what took so long and I explained. My fWW totally understood and gave me kudos for making him squirm. My fWW is social friends with M and as we drove home my W texted her to say: “We need to talk.”

Chalk one up for the home team. And the next time J wants to make an ass of himself in front of his W and kids at a soccer game, I have a feeling I might be able to persuade him to tone it down. Just sayin!

Yesssss!!!!!! Well done, fareast!!

Please do out him to his wife!! I hope he doesn't convince her you're a psycho who is making it up. What a POS!!

This is brilliant. The only thing that could top this was if you had a photo. But no matter, he is shitting a brick. I wish I had seen you in action! Aaahhh!!!

Please keep us posted after your fww speaks with his BS.

I know this was unexpected but I hope you could at least take a picture of POS and OW to show M. Well done.

Fareast... you my friend... always awesome!!

I know that you and your fWW will be a support to M as she navigates herself through this.

Even though I love that you made that idiot and his AP squirm, my heart breaks for M. I hate that she’ll be one of us now, dealing with the fallout from his shitty, selfish, entitled choices.

Very cool!

Be sure to help out his BW.

This is awesome as are you! I hope to have an experience like this especially if the guy is a loud mouth turd like he sounds. Sounds like a scene out of a movie done in a epic fashion!

I love this! Well done.

Having been a very involved soccer dad, like you, for the full duration of a growing girl's soccer like (about 10 years), I've encountered assholes like J on the sideline many times. If he were a dad on my team, I'd banish him from the sideline.

..ooohhh...

"we need to talk"..... OUCH...

what a snake that guy was.

Great job.

I hope your fWW remembers that she was once J and you were once M, the one at home waiting for her.

Also hopefully J will do as well as your fWW did and realize how lost he has become.

Thanks for sharing.

The fact that IT did not jump up and slap him, tells me she is just a guilty. Thank you for calling him out... on behalf of broken marriages everywhere.

Please keep us updated and awesome job. I wonder if he went straight home and confessed to his wife. What an ass.

I'm glad that you called him out. However, I can't relish in that. My heart breaks for his wife.

I thought I would update. Unfortunately, when I went to pay my bill I did not carry my phone and I did not get a photo. J’s BW did not respond to texts last night or this morning. My fWW already had her on the calendar for a contact for a neighborhood event, and M did return her call late this afternoon to talk with my W. I told my W that I would speak to her since I was the one who talked to J. I was really kinda dreading the conversation but I knew it could not be put off.

It actually went better than I had anticipated. M and her kids had actually left for the weekend on Friday to visit her Mother and J had been left at home to fend for himself. When I spoke to M she already knew her WH had lied about his whereabouts Friday night. He told her this morning he stayed home and watched television, but she knew better based on his tracking location. I explained that I hated to be the one to bring bad news but I felt she deserved the truth. And I just relayed what I had seen without embellishment or editorial comment. She asked about the young woman, and when I described her, she knew exactly who it was. A coworker who had recently left the agency where J worked. She knew from the description that I wasn’t lying or making it up. I told her I was so sorry and if she ever needed to talk I would be happy to help.

I think M is much stronger and aware than I thought. She did confide that this was not the first incident. But she said she would handle it. And she said it in such a way that I am glad I am not J. She was not emotional at all, but rather just sad it seemed to me. Dragonfly123 hit the nail on the head. It is heartbreaking for M and her kids. I offered that I know of support resources if she would like to talk and get feedback. She declined but thanked me and said she thought she could handle it. I thought she handled herself with a lot of composure but who knows what happened after I hung up. I do know that I have a lot of respect for her. I doubt J would ever have the nerve to say anything to me or tell me I should have minded my own business. But if he did I would remind him it was he that was out in public cheating with another woman. You know it would have been easy for me to just have gone on my way last night and not have called him out. No one would have been wiser in that crowd. But as sad as the results are for a family, it would have been wrong to ignore the cheating. I hope if M struggles she will take me up on the offer to help. Cheating sucks!

Thanks for the update. I hope this information gives her what she needs to move forward. Just think, if you hadn't said anything she may still believe she was in a reconciled marriage with a remorseful cheater. Obviously, that's not the case.

You did the right thing, fareast. You called out the POS cheater and informed the BW. Not an easy thing to do, but IMO the right thing to do. I feel for the BW. I know you and your W will offer her support should she need it.

Kudos to you fareast for being brave enough to confront J AND to speak to M. No matter what happens you and your fWW did a great thing and were great human beings.

How do the quiet Ms of the world end up with ego filled loud Js ? I was feeling bad for M at the start of this story even before the ending. Js kissy friend seems like she knew about J.

Hope M does not hide away in embarrassment. I doubt anything will deter J. He's the one to tell everyone what they should do. Sounds unhappy and looking for conflict with others. I'm glad he did not confront you outside. We want our Fareast in good shape.

Good to let them both think on this that they are not unseen. Sad that M has had another d day. Maybe she gets her voice now and is not so reserved. People like J are hard to live with and demand that everything goes their way. Everyone must agree with them or face their storms. Eventually, they face the results of their actions.

Fareast, again you are in the right place at the right time. Training to be a guardian angel?

You are rock stars, Fareast and Mrs. Fareast. You treated M with respect and kindness and did the right thing. I hope J gets his just desserts.

Hey, Fareast, my brother in exposing infidelity, good job! This reminds me of when I called out someone years ago. It was long before I was a BS (or at least before I *knew* those initials applied to me) and long before the internet or SI.

He was someone I knew from school and heard him making plans with several women to get together and go out drinking. And it was obvious from what I overheard that this was their usual after-work "thing" and not totally innocent.

I walked in to where they were and said, "Hi, 'W', how are your wife, 'N' and the new baby doing?". He took in a deep breath, held it so I thought he might explode, glared at me and hurried out past me as I also left the area. The women all followed me, asking what I meant..., was he really M..., was there really a new baby... he had never mentioned any of that! Well, duh!!??

He didn't speak to me; avoided me, in fact, for many years except once when he accidentally said hi to me, then reacted the same way he had back then as it struck him who he had spoken to!

I never contacted his W, because, well, I didn't know enough about this back then and also didn't really know 'N' well enough. Today I definitely would! Besides, he had been exposed and they, at least, didn't go out with him after that.

ETA: I have to agree with the title of your post, Fareast. It really felt good to me, too!

[This message edited by thebighurt at 10:30 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]