SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The computer screen said
I really want to meet you
My safe world blew up
Crashed
And burned!
A new reality of lies and disgust
His fantasy world exploded too
I became stronger and him weaker
Exposed as a liar and pathetic looser

He walked into the kitchen and confessed after 42 yrs. Mind F**K. Our whole foundation washed away in one fell swoop!

We were fooling around as we woke up, and my W sort of freaked out. I asked if there was something I needed to know. She said, 'I don't know.'

I have forgotten what I said, but obviously 'IDK' meant 'yes,' and she told me she had been having sex with a client.

*****

Smarternow, Can we help? How?

It’s not a quick answer, since my wife’s confession was years later.

AP and his wife and kids were all family friends and neighbors. Our kids trick or treated together, family BBQ, wife and AP were in the same carpool of 5-6 people to work everyday. They welcomed us to the new town far from home.

I walked in one day and there was an unscheduled visit from AP — they talked about him fixing some chair I didn’t ask him to fix.

That’s the day my wife was able to coolly, calmly look me in the eye and lie to me about nothing going on.

I wanted to buy in on the lie — I didn’t want to think the worst.

But that day literally haunted me, I knew something had gone off the rails. And we grew apart even after AP dumped her and we moved back home. She kept the A a secret and with that secret, it must have been the M’s fault or she never would have done what she did (that’s the story she told herself).

Strangely enough, we finally got counseling, it went well. The M went better, but she still wasn’t all in.

The better communication we learned from MC allowed me to press about the day that haunted me. I wrote a letter in great detail about what I thought was going on. It was even worse than the worse case scenario I had imagined all those years.

She then admitted it. I still got TT, it was 6-8 months after dday before I started to see what life really was for us.

Finding out years later does not soften the truth at all.

A tough start for a rebuild, that’s for sure.

Heard him say to someone on his phone ´I hope the flowers are ok. I left them at your front door last night.´
During the night I checked his phone. Found her address. Found texts.

I needed to be sure, the next morning he was late coming back from the gym, I drove to the address and there was his car parked in her driveway.

The rest is history.

My H was asking super weird one day after coming home from work. He put his apple watch on charge and went to the corner of the couch and put his head in his hands and drifted off (he always gets tired when he is stressed). I looked at his watch and found a message from one of his women co workers stating "I’m not in the right state of mind to talk about it."

I questioned him and he trickle truthed me for days saying they were just friends but nothing really happened but probably would have.

A few days later it still wasn’t sitting right with me , I went through his deleted photos on his phone and found a photo of her sleeping in her bed and my H took a selfie next to her in bed….

No denying it after that. Then our life literally blew up.

I was at a work meeting that was late into the evening, he text and asked when I’d be finished— I wrote back, feels like never.
When I was finished I went to my car and saw he was parked in front of my car. I was so excited to see him, yet confused as he looked terrible.
He said get in we need to talk. I refused and said you get in my car- not sure why I said this, just knew something was amiss.
Then I said, "What are you doing?" He said, "I’m getting ready to break your heart." That was an understatement of I’d ever heard one. He just started spilling it all. My world will never be the same, but at least I know the world I am living in. Still unbelievable to think about.

My best friend works at the same place my WH does. She rang me Friday afternoon and told me she believed he was having an affair with a co-worker as she had seen them sneak around together on the security cameras. Then another coworker followed him to her house as he wanted to make sure it was true before they told me.

I rang him and told him I knew everything, then met him at home where the whole disgusting story spewed out.

My h’s affair slowed due to Covid. She used to come over while I was at work but then the lockdown and I started working from home. One day we had gone for a drive to get out of the house and she had texted. He was driving and his phone was in a holder that he has in one of the air vents.

The text was a business related text and he told me to answer her (she was our employee). I did but I didn’t identify myself, I just typed in what he dictated. Her response that came back was obviously talking in code. I confronted asking what the hell it meant and the whole vibe in the car changed. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck.

It was a long night.

[This message edited by hikingout at 3:45 PM, Monday, October 7th]

I was suspicious. I checked phone records. That made it obvious.

[This message edited by KitchenDepth5551 at 10:28 AM, Sunday, October 6th]

My friend, who worked with my fWW, called me and said he'd just walked in on her and the store manager in the act.
Found out they'd been doing it for over three months.

She took the kids and went back to her parents house to wait for him to divorce his pregnant BS and leave his three sons, to be with her.
After a couple months it finally dawned on her that she'd been nothing but his side piece.

Had an overwhelming feeling of utter disgust for my WH one night about 2 months before officially finding out. My gut wasn’t letting off for several weeks. I then had a "voice" come through to me and it told me one night to buy a VAR and place it in areas he frequented in the house, his car, etc. I confronted him about how I "didn’t know who he was anymore" … told him "you feel like a complete stranger." I put the VAR in his car a couple days after this conversation and caught him - ain’t no denying that evidence. THANK YOU INTUITION 😘

He went to make up with his sister after a 13 year estrangement. When he came home I knew something was off as his whole demeanour towards me changed. No more attentive loving caring husband. Jan 1, 2023 got an email from the mobile phone provider asking for confirmation of a phone plan change. When I went to see details I saw hundreds of texts to and from a number in the USA. I knew who it was and confronted him. Thank you WH for 43 years of deceit and lies, and for ruining my safe secure retirement years. I will hate you for this until I die or you do.

I had been suspicious for a while, but had my head in the sand. But one night when he came home after a "business trip" he plugged his work phone into the charger and went in the other room. His phone hasn’t quite locked yet and for some reason, I picked it up and found a whole bunch of text from a man’s name with a photo of a man with a beard, but they were all little Kissy faces and hearts. I stupidly confronted him and at that point, I thought oh no, he’s gay but no, he just had her in his phone under a man’s name and picture said if I ever saw it, I wouldn’t be suspicious. The little Kissy faces were very suspicious. I found out that night and then he trickle for a few weeks after that. The affair never ended so we ended up divorced.

The A had been going on for 6 months already. Comes August 2020, the COVID confinement had come to an end, and our relationship starts to undergo several shocks. That month, following a big argument in which she makes me understand that she needs to "get away from me" to think, that she doesn't know where she stands any more, she tells me she would like to have her own apartment but that we would still be together. Of course I ask her if she's seing someone, and she denies.

I lose it and suddenly wake up from the sort of half-sleep I'd been in for a few years. I start to pay more attention, to look at her more… and I start to notice things I had never noticed before.
I notice that her phone, which only a year ago she kept losing, now never leaves her side. In the bathroom, in the shower, at the dinner table… She spends a lot of time on it, and it's always face down on the table when she's with me. A quick internet search on reddit ("my gf has her phone face down") returns "your girlfriend's cheating on you", but I choose to ignore these opinions. After all, on the internet everything always takes on unbelievable proportions, doesn't it?

But the doubt grows in me. The clues keep piling up, until the first day of school, that famous September 1st, when, no doubt overconfident, she hands me her phone so I can do a search for her. I go straight to her text messages and come across a whole host of text messages from a certain E., ending with "I miss you darling", "When will I see you again my little sunshine ♥♥♥".

I literally puked a few times.

AP called me while I was on vacation with my kids. Apparently, they had a "thing" 4 years prior that lasted about 2 weeks, the physical part, anyway. I never saw any emails or texts, of course long deleted. WH had left that job not long after and there was no contact. They ran into each other at an event (still worked in the same field). She tried to rekindle, he told her he wasn't interested. I guess her revenge was to go scorched Earth and tell me to fuck up his life.

His work phone rang in the middle of the night and he went out to kitchen to answer. No biggie. It took several ++++ minutes. We had been gone for a long weekend so maybe something was going on that needed to be resolved….

Finally, I get up and it’s a bit of a walk to the kitchen and I hear him deleting multiple hang up/calls/something off of the landline answering machine???? WTF?

Don’t say a word and within a few days I have it confirmed. It’s all in my profile. What a waste.

Married couple of years, young, no kids. Life was great.

Retired guy across the street came up to me in the driveway after I got home from work one day. After BS'ing for a bit he asked me who drove the green Nova that he's been seeing at my house. We locked eyes and we both knew what was going on.

Nova belonged to a mechanic we had met when we dropped our car off for repairs. She went to pick it up several days later and I guess his Kavorka was too hard for her to resist. I called her brother and asked him to come over, told him the story and we went scorched earth on the house. Anything that could be carried out of the house was thrown in the yard or loaded onto my truck. Had a nice bonfire that night. Can't remember if I ever spoke to her again.

That was young Rocko, Sure I'd handle it different these days!

Heard through a friend of a friend that the Kavorka guy was complaining he couldn't get her shirt off, but plenty of making out I'm sure.

He was the electrician working on our renovation and was bragging about all the things he was doing with her. One day he had his guys listen in while she gave him a blow job. This crossed the line with one of the workers who had had enough. He and I had a relationship as he was doing some extra carpentry and he called me. I had a PI bust them.

I’m eternally grateful to him as otherwise I never would have known.

She swore she was going to end it when the job would be finished which was coming up, but of course that’s the standard line. Who knows, she might have as by this time I don’t think it was fun for her anymore as he humiliated her for sport. But who knows

After years of stale marriage, things finally just clicked, Sex started being fun, I thought we were reinventing ourselves, then about 4 months later I started having very bad neck pain, something wasn’t right in the world. She hiked alone a lot so we both had find a phone on our phones and I started watching her whereabouts. It felt off. I eventually put Verizon Messenger plus on her phone. April fools day by dumb luck a text message between the two of them showed up about meeting. I was devastated. The next night, she left to the spare bedroom to sleep because I snore ( or so I thought) I went out, got on the iPad, and sat through a 2 hour text conversation between the two of them. My world had come apart. Life meant nothing after that. Still doesn’t mean that much and it’s 3-1/2 years laterz 🤷🏼‍♂️

[This message edited by Copingmybest at 9:19 AM, Monday, October 7th]