Newest Member: PeanutButterPixels

Hopeful0729

Me 44
WH 60
4 kids
D-day 8/27/18
Reconciled
WH had PA with former COW

New job- need advice

Hello all, I wanted some advice from R'ed folks. My d-day was nearly 5.5 years ago. FWH had an affair with a COW and had left that job by the time he confessed. His current job is mostly working from home, some office work. I know all of his coworkers and see them in social situations. No concerns with inappropriate relationships. He has been dedicated to repairing our marriage and besides some initial defensiveness and "can't we just move on?" bs had been a model wayward.

I had a severe stroke back in June (undiagnosed hypertension). I'm doing well now, it's just a slow recovery. It actually brought us closer (he had to help me wipe myself early on!), I had to completely depend on him. I haven't been able to work yet but he has carried the family financially.

Which brings me to this new insecurity. He has been offered a new job that pays better and is huge a step up. He will have a lot more social and business contacts, working in different offices. He's excited about the opportunity and I'm happy for him but...I'm worried about another affair. He has done nothing to make me paranoid or worried, so I'm unsure how to express my insecurity. I talked to my IC and I understand why I'm nervous- I am vulnerable and do need him. Before the stroke, I had a well-paying job (I'm a nurse) and could physically do everything, I have 4 kids and it's overwhelming.

Do I tell him I'm worried? Is that unfair of me? He's done the work, I do trust him.

I HATE feeling like this.

4 comments posted: Thursday, January 18th, 2024

Vent- saw AP

Hello friends, just need some support. I unfortunately ran into AP while out to lunch with a friend (who knows nothing about the infedelity). AP walked by me and made eye contact, then hurried out of the door. My friend noticed- I had a visceral reaction- so I said it's just an old acquaintance I don't like.
Seeing her brought me right back to d-day. I don't want to give her that power over me!
I would have normally called H at work and screamed at him, because if I was hurting, he damn well was going to hurt also. Such is the beauty of IC, I just came home and calmed down.
Honestly, I'm not even sure I'll bring it up.
Just needed to vent. Sometimes I wish we had moved away.

6 comments posted: Thursday, November 16th, 2023

Should I just let go?

I am 4 years out from D-day. I thought I had a truly remorseful spouse. After a rough beginning, I felt he got it. Let me preface this with I don't think anyone else involved in this. This is a crossroads in our relationship. The past few months, when we argue about anything, it gets vicious. It has gone from being able to be sympathetic to being downright nasty, name-calling and whatnot. When I call him out on it, he says "well, you started it." Like he's 12 instead of 50. It literally feels like he is just done being sorry and "being made to feel like a bad person, Like, I said I was sorry for the past 4 years!" I do know I say nasty things to him out of pain (we unfortunately see AP on occasion) and I know that's wrong, to be an adult and communicate that way. This weekend he told me he is done and wants to get away from my negativity and lack of respect. It's like he gets a brand new start where he thinks "he did everything" and I'm left with the pain of the betrayal and wasting 4 years. I really wish I could hate him and tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.

2 comments posted: Monday, November 14th, 2022

Need honest feedback

My story is in my bio. Just passed 4 years since D-day. After a tough start on R (hadn't discovered SI!) FWH got his shit together and we are doing as well as can be expected. I haven't been worried about anything, honestly. Complete transparency, nothing shady, etc. Just got back from a great family week at the beach. A few nights ago, I had a dream that was so VIDID AND FELT so real, I woke in a panic. FWH had admitted to oral with a woman my daughter used to be friends with about 4-5 years ago. Now, I was never concerned about her and actually haven't thought of her in years. In hindsight, WH talked about her the same way her talked about AP- that she was loud, dramatic, annoying- he isn't wrong, I never cared for her either. But I never suspected anything with AP either, not in a million years. Anyway, I have no proof and I feel insane I'm even entertaining this idea that something happened! Do dreams mean anything??? Is my gut telling me something? I literally feel like I'm losing it.

7 comments posted: Wednesday, September 14th, 2022

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