Newest Member: IHateEverything


Me 42
WH 59
4 kids
D-day 8/27/18
Working on R
WH had a 2-week PA with former COW

Should I just let go?

I am 4 years out from D-day. I thought I had a truly remorseful spouse. After a rough beginning, I felt he got it. Let me preface this with I don't think anyone else involved in this. This is a crossroads in our relationship. The past few months, when we argue about anything, it gets vicious. It has gone from being able to be sympathetic to being downright nasty, name-calling and whatnot. When I call him out on it, he says "well, you started it." Like he's 12 instead of 50. It literally feels like he is just done being sorry and "being made to feel like a bad person, Like, I said I was sorry for the past 4 years!" I do know I say nasty things to him out of pain (we unfortunately see AP on occasion) and I know that's wrong, to be an adult and communicate that way. This weekend he told me he is done and wants to get away from my negativity and lack of respect. It's like he gets a brand new start where he thinks "he did everything" and I'm left with the pain of the betrayal and wasting 4 years. I really wish I could hate him and tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.

2 comments posted: Monday, November 14th, 2022

Need honest feedback

My story is in my bio. Just passed 4 years since D-day. After a tough start on R (hadn't discovered SI!) FWH got his shit together and we are doing as well as can be expected. I haven't been worried about anything, honestly. Complete transparency, nothing shady, etc. Just got back from a great family week at the beach. A few nights ago, I had a dream that was so VIDID AND FELT so real, I woke in a panic. FWH had admitted to oral with a woman my daughter used to be friends with about 4-5 years ago. Now, I was never concerned about her and actually haven't thought of her in years. In hindsight, WH talked about her the same way her talked about AP- that she was loud, dramatic, annoying- he isn't wrong, I never cared for her either. But I never suspected anything with AP either, not in a million years. Anyway, I have no proof and I feel insane I'm even entertaining this idea that something happened! Do dreams mean anything??? Is my gut telling me something? I literally feel like I'm losing it.

7 comments posted: Wednesday, September 14th, 2022

Quick hugs needed

I am a faithful reader rather than poster and this site has given me so much supoort.

Need quick hugs:
We had to put my 13 yo beloved dog down today. Completely devastated. FWH very supportive and things have been going well for the most part, some bumps here and there. 2 months shy of Dday 4 years ago.
Anyway, kids were all sharing old pics of Heidi on our old sofa and our old house, the sofa he did stuff with her. I, of course, start to trigger, grief compounded. I calmly asked him to not print any pics of my dog on that sofa. He immediately understood and apologized.
Saved myself from downward spiral, just wanted to share.

10 comments posted: Wednesday, June 29th, 2022

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