BW 63WH 65DD 12/01/2023M 43Together 48

Fomo Chicken or the egg?

My H's decision making skills are getting worse and worse. He is purchasing a new truck, which in my mind should be fun (other than dealing with the sales people. No offense if there are car sales people on SI :)). He has been wrestling with this purchase for over a year. Diesel/gas, Black/gray, blah blah blah....... He has ordered and cancelled twice. I'm not kidding, we have been to Ford dealers over 30x's. This is not something new. Years ago I had to walk in and buy his new motorcycle because I refused to go back to the dealer for the umpteenth time. Last week it was a new shirt. 4 visits to the store. He's afraid to make the wrong decision. He's afraid that something better might come along. He's afraid of committment. I used to joke that I wasn't worried about him spending money because I knew he couldn't/wouldn't pull the trigger.

Which brings me to this. When he does this it triggers me. He says he cheated partially because he had second thoughts about being married. He cheated just after our first anniversary. Seventh year together. I struggle with thoughts that I was just another decision he made then regretted. I've pointed out this behavior of his and how its not normal. He's conscious of it now and apologizes, but it doesn't stop.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else's partner struggles with this. How do you deal with it? How do I not take it personally? What causes a person to be so wishy washy? It's confusing because when it comes to business he's very decisive and confident. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but I wonder if there's something in his makeup that contributed to his A.

I think too much!

8 comments posted: Wednesday, March 5th, 2025

WS Living with a secret

To all the WS's here who kept their betrayal a secret for years and years, how did it feel? How did you live from day to day for 20 30 40+ yrs knowing that your marriage was built on betrayal/deception/lie/shame/guilt. That the person you vowed to love and be faithful too didn't have a clue. Trusted you. Did you become the perfect partner or were you filled with such self-loathing that you held back and were never 100% vested? How did it affect you? There isn't much written on how secret keeping destroys the secret keeper. Appreciate your thoughts.

2 comments posted: Thursday, March 7th, 2024