Hi lrpprl, thanks for your best wishes. I went to the theatre at the weekend, and while the show was a bit cheesy and not brilliant (it was an Abba Tribute act), it felt great to get out and have some fun. I have always loved live theatre/shows and actually worked at that exact theatre for a few years, it was such a buzz.
The one slight change to the plans was that WS wanted to go with me so I said yes, and we actually had a very good time together. She is also being attentive and affectionate and does seem to be making an effort for us to be closer.
We seem to have entered a new phase where she has either ended the affair (at least not seeing him, not sure about whatsapp yet), or she has increased her lying to a massive degree. Obviously I want to believe the former but am wary about the latter. For myself I am waiting to see how this goes but in a very strange way I feel relieved that a tipping point has been reached. Either she is working with me to see if we can R, or I will find out she has been lying massively and in my head she would have crossed a line that I will not accept and I will be ready to proceed to D.
She is definately making sure I know where she is at all times (or where she says she is), and her actions do seem to be supporting this, but obviously I do not fully trust her and won't for a very long time. She is also initiating more physical contact, hugs, kisses and touches than has been the case previously.
Personally I am feeling much calmer, I think this is a combination of the meds, having had more time to process my thoughts post Dday, and that things feel much more relaxed between myself and WS. I am also feeling much better because I developed an overeating disorder during the past 2 years and put on a massive amount of weight. I have been controlling my diet for the past 4 months and have lost some weight (nearly 5 stone/ 31 kg) so am feeling better and have had to buy new clothes which feels great.
One major bridge still to cross is that she still does not seem to feel that she has done anything massively wrong and does not want to talk about it, it seems that she is denying it happened in her own head and that by talking about it it will make it real. She also does not understand how much this has hurt me deep down, I know that she would not feel the same way, we are just different, but I do need her to understand that and how hurt I am. I have printed out an article from this website about the 'tears of the betrayed spouse' and intend to read through this with her at an appopriate point, because to me that article EXACTLY describes how I felt.
Still early days here (6 weeks post Dday) so I still do not know where this will end up or even exactly where I want it to end up at the moment, but I will keep going and see how things work out.
[This message edited by Iamenough666 at 2:58 PM, Tuesday, May 30th]