Confusedmd (original poster member #78802) posted at 2:53 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
I love that she is generally empathetic and kind to people. That she makes an effort to treat people with kindness.
I love that she loves her family.
I love that she is generous and giving to those around her.
I love that she seems to be able to forgive anyone and anything.
What I hate about her, I won't mention because they are way too numerous at the moment.
Confusedmd (original poster member #78802) posted at 2:55 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
Also for waywards, what do you love about your BS?
hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 3:14 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
My bs is also my ws.
I love that he and I are simpatico. We have similar sensibilities. He lets me be me, and supports me in everything I want to do. He strives always to be better, always learning and curious about life. He is funny and we laugh a lot and have a playful relationship because of it. I crave him, there is an undeniable chemistry between us.
5 years of hard work
WS & BS
Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 3:21 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
I love that my ex was a gentle and loving soul.
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:27 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
Honest (except for her A), smart, very nicely shaped (although now I might add 'for her age' ), courageous enough to fight her co-dependence and the results of her CSA (although she hasn't always found a good way to do tha), loves me, supportive, likes a lot of the things I like, independent, insightful, very different from me.
Note: you'd best add 'for his age' when describing me, too.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:28 PM, Thursday, March 16th]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 5:05 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
About seven years into the rebuild, I think what I love about my wife is how good of a friend she is now. The pandemic offered a fascinating preview of our upcoming retirement, as we never felt stuck or trapped. We found joy with each other while the world has been upside down in so many ways (economy, violence, etc) and we found some sanity and serenity (finally) with each other.
Married 35+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived. M Rebuilt.
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca
MalibuBayBreeze ( member #52124) posted at 5:12 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
A man or woman telling the truth doesn't mind being questioned.
A liar does.
Luna10 ( member #60888) posted at 5:31 PM on Thursday, March 16th, 2023
The pandemic offered a fascinating preview of our upcoming retirement, as we never felt stuck or trapped.
Same here. We often feel guilty talking about how much fun we had together during the pandemic and how it changed our lives in a positive way.
I love that we’re still able to talk about anything and everything sometimes till the early hours, we always did. I often wonder what have we got left to talk about but we always find something.
His cuddles are absolutely the best, getting into bed and being cuddled by him is the best moment at the end of a busy day.
I love our secret jokes and the way we can look at each other and know exactly what the other one is thinking in a public situation.
I love that he is still able to make me feel beautiful the way he looks at me even after all this time.
And most of all I love the fact that he was open to growth and is still proving himself worthy of being in my life.
Dday - 27th September 2017
Confusedmd (original poster member #78802) posted at 5:04 AM on Friday, March 17th, 2023
Thanks for the replies. I didnt realize that it was thankful thursday when I posted this.
For me, I'm trying to find her "good" instead of her "bad". And trying (and mostly failing) to trust that her efforts and actions for me are genuine and permanent.
After more than a year, this has been my theme. It's like the white wolf and dark wolf fighting a ferocious battle of trust vs mistrust, belief vs inbelief, and trying to figure out if she did really love me even during her affair. Mostly, the angry and unbelieving wolf wins, and makes my wife sad.
GoldenR ( member #54778) posted at 7:54 AM on Friday, March 17th, 2023
I love her absence, her silence.
Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 11:18 AM on Friday, March 17th, 2023
I love our friendship. I love that we enjoy each other’s company and share many of the same interests. I love how well we work together. I love how hard-working and dependable he is. I love his personality—he’s reserved and thoughtful and calm. I love that he’s a great dad to our kids. I love that we’re still physically attracted to each other even after 25 years. There’s a lot more but I have to go to work.
Husband of 20 years had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Two teenaged kids. Reconciling.
Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:48 PM on Tuesday, March 21st, 2023
What do you love about your WS?
Such a BEAUTIFUL post...thanks for sharing it!! I have to say that I don't FEEL that my H is a Wayward anymore...so my feelings are a bit different from when I still saw him as that.
When he was still in a Wayward mindset...there wasn't much that I could love. He was so SELFISH...it was all about HIM...and it was very difficult to have a partnership like that. When he confessed to his A...I then became the selfish one...DEMANDING that he was going to have to do some things to prove to me that he wasn't selfish anymore if he still wanted to stay married to me. Surprisingly...he didn't hesitate to do the ultimatums I handed him.
Although I don't believe either one of us lost our love for the other...we did have to work our way back to being IN LOVE with each other. We did!
NOW...the LOVE I have for my H is something I never thought I could possibly feel. You don't know what you don't know. We are truly ONE now...even more so than when we were first married...almost 40 years ago. I love how unselfish he is. He is very giving now...to everyone around him. Because no one else knows about his A...they marvel at his turnaround in his behavior...and they LOVE it too!! The one who benefits from it the most though...is HIM. He told me once that he didn't realize how EASY it was to be this way...and he lamented how he wished he would have been this way more soon. GIVING people truly are HAPPIER people!!
I also love how my H cherishes me now. Cherish. I never really thought much about that word before. I actually felt that cherishing someone was more like infatuation...which wasn't going to last. It proved true in our case because my H was very much infatuated with me when we started dating...but it waned over time. But he CARES about me and for me now. Not with that obsessive infatuated feeling...more like every day doing little things that helps to nourish my well being. I never realized how much my soul benefited from that. It is so NICE!
My H once told me he was going to make it his life's mission to give me my "happily ever after". EVERY DAY my H tries his best to do this. It makes ME want to do the same for him. WE have finally learned the secret to our M...it is in GIVING to each other that we have RECEIVED this special LOVE!!
A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!
From respect comes great love...sassylee
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 3:00 AM on Friday, March 24th, 2023
I am with MalibuBayBreeze on this one!
Although I do love his distance away from me
And the fact that there is an expire date on being married to him.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
BraveSirRobin ( Moderator #69242) posted at 7:23 PM on Friday, March 24th, 2023
He's easygoing. He doesn't sweat the small stuff. That doesn't mean he won't get irritated, but he doesn't feel the need to win for the sake of winning. That being said...
He's tenacious. If something DOES matter, he isn't letting it go. He'll do battle over and over again for an issue he genuinely believes is important.
He is intelligent. Extremely. He holds a degree in an advanced STEM field from one of the most prestigious schools in the country. Routinely, when he starts a new job, he is rapidly promoted when the company realizes their luck.
He is ethical. That's one of the crazy things about his impulsive decision to cheat; in every other area of his life, he has 100% walked the walk.
He's attractive. I get a little glow when I see him, my tall husband with the blue eyes and the beautiful smile. And when attractiveness sparks, he's very good at all the skills that fan the flames.
He's supportive. He thinks about other people and wants them to do well. He's genuinely happy for me when I succeed at something and encorurages me to keep at it and be my best self.
He's compassionate. It's safe to fail around him; he never sees it as an opportunity to criticize or remonstrate.
He's a great dad. He was really there for our as they grew up, not just phoning it in. All of them love to share things with him, their interests and accomplishments and challenges.
He's a wonderful husband, father, and son. I feel happy with him, and challenged, and inspired, and safe.
Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:27 AM on Saturday, March 25th, 2023
That he is over 1500 miles away, particularly when he called and told me he is still legally married to his first wife because he screwed up the divorce process. If he had been closer I may have been charged with assault.
I will love him more when we are actually not married.
Yearning for divorce before I pop off
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 4:06 AM on Saturday, March 25th, 2023
Sorry you are going through that Tall Girl. Sounds like a good distance away to love from 😆
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
goingtomakeit ( member #11778) posted at 12:44 PM on Saturday, March 25th, 2023
Thanks for starting this thread.
I love her tenderness, when she reaches for my hand, for no reason. When she throws her arm over me if I had a nightmare, and tells me it’s ok, she’s here.
When she plans our trips, even doing nerd stuff she doesn’t want to do because she knows I want to. (Museums, trains, castles)
Her look at me, makes me feel like I am the only person in the world who matters (wish it was all the time-but thrilled when I see it).
Her lovemaking-sex, of course, but beyond that. She makes me feel super masculine, and compliments me(really love that). When she looks up at me, rubs my face and hair-I know it’s her, the real her.
When she calls me her stud or hero when I fix something at home.
When we go grocery shopping together, and she looks in the cart and realizes I got the wrong thing-she gives me the look like I am a little boy, tells me what I was supposed to get, and sends me back. I am really inept at grocery shopping, but she still takes me.
Her thoughtfulness on her gifts to me. She spends weeks before my birthday or Christmas looking for something I want but would not buy for myself.
Me: BS (34 at d-day)Her: WS (35 at d-day)D-Day: 02/03/99Kids: 2 boys (5 & 3 at d-day)Married 9 years at d-day
AloneandHurting ( member #55608) posted at 2:19 AM on Monday, March 27th, 2023
He has incredible will to survive. He hauled himself out of intense dysfunction and poverty, got an education and a good job.
He has worked really hard on improving his parenting, and I see so much growth between him and his children.
While we don't have exactly the same sense of humor, he appreciates mine and seems to love when I make jokes. Then he looks at me like I am a treasure.
Me: BS, 39
Him: WS, 33
3DSs, 1 DD. All his from previous marriage.
Ddays: 5 Dec 2015, 11 June 2016, 17 Aug 2016.
Attempting R. What a fun year.