To the WS who had a long term affair
During the affair, especially during the "honeymoon phase" of the affair, was sex with AP better than sex with BS? Did you want to have sex with AP more than BS? (Please be honest about this)
If not, why did you have more sex with AP than BS?
How can a WS who wanted AP more sexually in the affair make up for it now?
(BS who can answer this for their WS, you are also free to reply)
Thank you.
3 comments posted: Sunday, May 21st, 2023
For those who have reconciled..
..can you rate how happy you are now?
.. if there was one thing you could change in your journey to reconcile, what whould it be?
.. if you were able to go back in time, would you still push for reconciliation knowing what you would go through?
(these questions are for both bs and ws)
Thank you
18 comments posted: Thursday, May 4th, 2023
During or after the course of the lta, before dday
Did your WS have moments of nearly admitting that they are having an affair? Or even after the affair has ended but before dday? Like subtle hints, or sometimes just saying that the problem "can't be fixed". Or change in behavior - like he/she is trying to make up for something? Did you see a desire in them, in their actions, words, or eyes - a desire to be truthful, a desire for something genuine, a desire for 'YOU'? That even through the most horrible things that they did (or were doing), that they somehow, deep in their heart, genuinely loved you?
If yes, how did you come to realize this and believe in it? How did it help your reconciliation later?
Thank you.
14 comments posted: Thursday, April 6th, 2023
What were your physical symptoms/health issues due to Dday?
These are some of mine:
1. Migraines
2. Hypertension
3. Loss of appetite
4. Unable to sleep
5. Gouty attacks
6. Diagnosed with fatty liver
Mentally, I became irritable and depressed at the same time.
32 comments posted: Monday, April 3rd, 2023
For those who were strong enough to forgive and reconcile
1. How did you do it?
For me, to be able to forgive my WW, I would have to be as dumb as her during her A. I would have to overlook so much. I would have to be delusional and construct a narrative or an excuse for the worst thing that a person can do to another. How did you logically process it all, and arrive at a place of forgiveness?
2. If it was more because of your WS that you were able to forgive, how did she freaking do it?
3. How is your marriage now? Your day to day? Was it worth it - to forgive and reconcile?
4.What does the BS stand to gain in reconciling? And what does the WP stand to lose, when they already threw everything away in the garbage?
5. If their APs were ideal/perfect (except for having an affair), how sure are you that they wouldn't have left for AP?
6. What did giving grace do for you? I know this question reeks of selfishness, but what would I gain if I forgave, aside from a remorseful/unremorseful wife?
I apologize again for the questions. I don't have access to a counsellor or an expert where I'm from. I just ask here what is bothering me from week to week, and go from there.
27 comments posted: Sunday, April 2nd, 2023
More questions (Will compare this to what WW says)
Since I dont really have an IC, might as well continue using this site as sort of a pseudo-counselling and a target of my vents.
To BH: Did your WW do things with AP that they did not do with you, sexual and non-sexual? Were there things that they withheld from you - again, sexual and not sexual - because AP asked them to? For example, asking not to go to this place with your husband becaise this is "our place", "don't give him a blow job", or dobt have sex with him on these specific dates, or have sex with him after having sex with me. If they did, why did they do it? Was it because they were being more loyal to AP, and they loved AP more? How did they make up for it, if they did really make up for it? (I know making up for it is borderline impossible, but maybe there's a unicorn wayward here who did.)
To WW/H who did this, why the extent of such betrayal? Why the EFFORT to create a large difderence in the way you treated and gave to AP and BH? How much did you just love your AP to do this?
3 comments posted: Saturday, March 25th, 2023
What do you love about your WS?
I love that she is generally empathetic and kind to people. That she makes an effort to treat people with kindness.
I love that she loves her family.
I love that she is generous and giving to those around her.
I love that she seems to be able to forgive anyone and anything.
What I hate about her, I won't mention because they are way too numerous at the moment.
17 comments posted: Thursday, March 16th, 2023
Questions
For the BS:
1. How did you react when you were told that your WW told AP countless times that she loved him?
2. Was any of you told by your WW that you were "invisible" during the affair? Why were you invisible to them?
WS (please be as honest as you can):
1. Were the words "i love you" to AP 'honest'at the time? Did it come from the heart? I' m not asking what you feel now, but what you felt then, even if they were 'lies' to yourself to keep AP going, did you 'honestly' think and feel that you loved AP?
2. Did you make BS invisible? Why did you need to make BS insignificant? Did you not love him? Even if you loved him before and after the affair, did you love him during? (please be honest with this)
3. If it's a LTA (3 years plus), how can you not plan on leaving BS for AP? It's ridicilous that youve already built another (secret) life with AP for years but not plan on leaving your BS - really unbelievable.
4.If you were not caught or thrown by AP under the bus, or if AP was the ideal perfect man (aside from being in an affair with you), would you have continued 'loving him' until you got old, or even pined for him for decades? Or downright choosing him instead if BS?
5. For those from LTA, and who have children with BS during the affair, especially small ones/toddlers, would you have left your BS for AP if you didn't have children?
I just need perspective to decide if I want to believe some things my wife has been claiming.
Sorry if i'm asking too much, it isn't easy for me either 
25 comments posted: Friday, March 3rd, 2023
My very late update
My previous post in JFO
https://survivinginfidelity.com/forums/?tid=654076&HL=78802
How long has it been? I took back the divorce papers just before christmas. We are both mentally stable. She has since been admitted for her anxiety attacks about 3-4 times for less than a week at a time. These have happened during my work trips; no episodes after the new year's. She has been very good to me and my son through all these months. Her uncontrollable crying has lessened, she only has her uncontrollable fits of crying when I describe to her my pain. Still looks at our pictures every night. Continually asks me to open up. We both quit our jobs, and I've been eating my favorite foods every day, courtesy of her (I dont know if they are still my faves, I think I'm getting tired of them lol).
I didnt continue the divorce because her remorse has been so real and her actions and words consistent, I doubt she can actually fake it for this long. But I can easily start it up again. I cry uncontrollably about once a week, and cry with dignity pretty much every day still. She does cry too about 3 times or more a day, ususally when the baby is asleep. I have regained a bit of weight, but she hasn't because she would only have an appetite when I speak to her, which I do about 1-2 times a day for about 2-3 hours. Playing video games in my spare time, which is relatively a lot now.
I moved last month in our bed, but no kissing or holding hands have happened yet. Actually we sleep in the same bed on the floor with our son since Christmas lol. Cant describe how much I love my son.
I actually have a fever and self-isolating because of COVID, hence my free time to write this post. Thank you to every one who have posted in my other threads, I re-read everything again and can't help but cry. You are very kind strangers.
22 comments posted: Sunday, February 13th, 2022
