First, you've got a long life ahead of you. The decisions you make now will have impact, I hope, for decades. You're 2 days out. If you spend some time making your decision, it may feel endless while you're doing it, but it will be a brief interlude in your whole life. So take your time figuring out what you want to do. You'll know when you know - and you will know sometime, probably pretty soon.
My reco is to focus on your own healing first. Eat healthy, when you eat. Sleep when you can. Drink water, even if you have to force yourself. Don't drink alcohol or use drugs. Move your body as much as you can, with healthy bounds. Find a good IC or clergy person to talk with. Post here. You aren't alone.
I also think the best approach to figuring out what to do is to figure out what you want. Maybe you do want to D. Maybe you don't. Your W failed by cheating. You didn't. Her A was about her, not about you. Even though you may feel humiliated, she actually humiliated herself.
You may feel that R is humiliating. Many people, especially men, view R as 'eating a shit sandwich'. I wouldn;t have R'ed if that's how I viewed it. I thought and continue to think that R gave me my best chance for leading a good life - a good life, not a minimally bad one.
If you think R may be the way you want to go, look at your W. How good a candidate for R is she? I think the primary requirement is getting honest. At this point, and for months to come, you can't believe much of what she says, but ... confession is a good sign that she wants to be honest.
I’ve been peppering her with questions and her answers are credible in how awful they are. But not every answer is awful, so I don’t think she is hiding things that way.
The truth of an A IS awful, so I agree that she may very well be telling the truth. Continuing to admit to doing awful things is a good sign.
As time goes on, your gut will give you guidance. If you stay true to yourself, your gut will probably be a very good guide. Eventually, you will say to yourself, 'This is the way I want to go.'
The sign that you're being true to yourself may be that you're following your heart, head, and gut in deciding what to do, without thinking about how your actions look to others.
I found https://survivinginfidelity.com/topics/324250/things-that-every-ws-needs-to-know/ to be very helpful. It gave me guidance on the behavior to look for from my W to see if she was doing and if she was likely to continue doing the work needed to R.
R requires consistent work for a long time. In a sense, R is forever. I say that because R is a process of resolving issues that stem from the A, and M is a process of resolving issues that come up in every M. Maintaining a relationship is a process of resolving issues no matter who one looks at it.
If R is a possibility, I urge you to think about requirements. Common ones are:
1) No contact with ap.
2) Honesty - no more lies. You can spin things, but no lies about anything. If your W asks yo, 'Do I look fat,' and you do think so, your answer has to be some kind of 'yes' - if one's self-esteem depends on someone else not being authentic, there's a problem.
3) Transparency - you keep each other informed of location, activity, and companions at virtually all times - at least that's the end goal - at first, it seems common for a BS to want to keep the WS in the dark for a while.
4) IC for the WS with a goal of changing from betrayer to good partner.
5) IC for BS, if desired
6) MC when desired - a good MC (one who will address the A first and who addresses the A as the WS's failure, not the M's failure) - will help a lot, but most MCs see an A as a symptom of an M problem. As mentioned, an A is a WS issue, not an M issue.
7) Things you want even if others don't - for example, my W had to arrange weekly dates for us. She turned out to be better than I am at finding enjoyable things to do, and she still arranges more dates than I do, 11 years out (as I said, R is M). Sex was an issue for us, too - we both wanted more but thought the other already gave as much as they could. You talk about unsatisfying sex - you can perhaps work together to make it satisfying, if your W works on separating you and M from her trauma (but that's very difficult - recovering from rape is very hard work).
I think it's best to see recovery as:
You heal you. Your W can support you, but you have to resolve your own issues and your own anger, grief, fear, shame. You have to restore or find your own self-love and self esteem.
Your W heals herself. You can support her, but she has to resolve her own issues and her own anger, grief, fear, shame. She has to restore or find her own self-love and self esteem.
If you both want to R, you work together to (re)build your M.
If you both heal yourselves, however, the R decision will grow organically. You'll find you still want to be together ... or not. If you heal, though, that decision will come from your desires and your strengths, even if it's you deciding to R because your W refuses to do her work, or vice versa.