SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't have Facebook so excuse my ignorance.

My H recently signed up for FB in order to sell some things. The password is accessible to me and he leaves his page open on our shared computers.

The other day I was using the computer and noticed something on his page. It said Fitness Singles. Meet local singles into hiking. That is word for word what it said. Meet local singles in your area.

He doesn't hike and is not heavily into fitness.

There were other things coming up like videos of snakes and other things he has no interest in.

Is this something I should be concerned about? Is it a random ad?

TIA

I believe Facebook ads work off of algorithms.

I do know that if I Google something or shop for something, I will get a lot of targeted ads (like every third ad).

I also get one-off ads that come from who knows where....

You can access his activity log and see his search history.

I've gotten ads for Fitness Singles on my Facebook feed. I'm very much into hiking and fitness. I've also been on dating apps the last couple of years, off and on. I don't remember ever seeing that ad before I joined dating apps.

I agree, check his search history. Not that that means anything; he could have deleted it. Fingers crossed for you.

Check his search history on the computer? You're not talking about something on FB?

I have my doubts that there will be anything on the computer search history that shouldn't be there.

If we Google search new cars than we get ads for cars and car related things. Is that what is happening here?

Is it possible it is a random thing?

I have so many stressful things going on right now I just can't with this.

On Facebook, in settings, there is an option for activity log. You can view search history within Facebook there. You can also vote comments and things he's liked.

Ok. Thank you!!

I'm afraid to look.

I guess I have to look. If I ask him and it's something bad, he isn't going to tell me. If it's nothing or he honestly doesn't know why it's there I'm going to doubt him.

Why do people have to lie and cheat. They can do all the work to change but it leaves the BS changed forever.

I get the singles notification on FB and I am not on OLD. I do have my personal status as single, though, so I assumed they targeted me from that.

When I first discovered the major ddays, I was looking at dating sites to try and understand WTF my partner was doing and what they even looked like and there were some pretty seedy ones designed for people to cheat. What was interesting was that I was still using FB at the time and that is when I got some dating adverts. Now when I first discovered dd1, I remember noticing that WH had a dating advert on their FB page which I did wonder and then was pretty convinced when I got it months down the track, that FB was picking up activity that they were up to at the time.

I basically don't go on FB anymore but have not had any of such adverts since that time, now it is all bloody menopause stuff!

So, I would be very suspicious if I saw that again if I looked at WH's FB page and do some further digging, although now even an advert like that would be a deal breaker for me at this point.

Thanks. I will look at it when he isn't around.

I'm sitting here wondering if I have missed something and I can't come up with anything. He has been treating me better than ever for the past twelve years.

When he had his A twelve years ago, he was acting like a jerk. Looking back after I found out there were a lot of things out of character that he did. Right now I can't come up with anything. He has been extremely concerned about my feelings concerning some very stressful things we are going through. He has involved me in all the decision making. He has been great with my medical issues. If he is doing something I will be shocked even though I shouldn't after going through this before.

I am going a little crazy. I can't look at it now and I have to act like everything is fine. He has a job interview tomorrow and now is not the time to distract him.

My sister works for Facebook.

Part of the algorithm is who you friend. In other words, if I friend a whole bunch of single people into clothes for dogs and dating, I’ll get ads on those two issues simply because it’s a friend of mine.

Just FYI. Stalk his shit, though.

Or you can plant someone to "friend" him and say inappropriate things.

Or open you own fake Facebook page with stuff he’d like in an AP and catfish him.

I'm so bad with technology.

There are so many ways to hide things. I have the password to his phone but what do I look at. With private browsing how do you catch somebody?

I'm glad to know that the add could be there due to a FB friend.

If he is doing something it would almost have to involve the computer because he is almost always with me or at home.

I get those ads all the time. I’m convinced the phone is listening to us.

My W and I had a discussion about adding a streaming service, neither of us looked it up yet, but next time on Facebook we were getting ads for streaming services.

Just so I understand was this a page recommendation from Facebook? Or like an ad within the feed?

I work in digital marketing…and some ads on Facebook are remarketing ads…so serving targeted ads to people because they visited a similar page/site or that exact page/site. When he created this page did he list married or did he maybe list single even by mistake?

This is embarrassing and should have left when I found this but YEARS ago when we first started dated we were on his computer and there were banner ads for OKCupid…turns out he had created an account and was active on it. I’ve learned ads are very accurate :(

I read about running and exercise. I don't look at anything having to do with singles or dating apps.

I hate that this has me all wound up.

@Tanner

I feel the same way about FB listening into conversations lol as we have had the same thing. My kids don't use it now and I just use messenger. I think I have watched too many "big brother / sister watching us" movies as my life is so dull and boring, I am sure anyone listening in, would have the cure for insomnia

Zebra25, it is so hard to know isn't it. I do think actions say a lot and that is what you are saying to us about your WH

I am more jaded now so I apologise if I caused any stress for you. I used to be a very trusting person but now am way less so or trust but verify. However I am also no longer the "WH or marriage police", and it seriously f**** me off that I even have had to be considering any dodgy stuff by WH post ddays and disclosure. However, no more for me as my WH knows the dealbreakers and that they need to not be there in the first place.

We are all on different journeys and this is your life and as others have said, there could be a friend who has created the weird dating adverts on your WH's FB page.

I'm not sure if it was a recommendation or an ad.

Our DD set the page up for him.

No worries about causing added stress. I appreciate everyone's input.

His behavior does not match that of someone being dishonest and cheating but you never know. I would be very surprised but the ad is bothering me. Hopefully I will get a chance to look at his FB today.

Just as a note, anything you search for on the same computer and or google account, may come up on his fb as an ad.

So I went on FB right now to see what type of ads it would give me. I use FB for 5 to 10 minutes a week (so very rarely). I looked at my feed for several minutes and saw about 15 ads interspersed. Five of those totally unrelated to my life were "so and so FB friend likes Aveeno," so those are in my feed because FB is hoping I will be swayed by my friends' likes.

Of the other 10 or so ads, 80% were related to an app I have on my phone (Disney Plus) or a website I have looked at recently (NY Times Cooking). But 2 or so ads had nothing to do with me that I can connect. Rheumatoid Arthritis medication? I am in my 50s, but I've never done an arthritis search or anything. Maybe it's related to age?

I can say with certainty that I got zero ads--zero--that felt out of left field. I did not get anything geared toward men, youngsters, hobbies or interests I have no affiliation with, nothing. I did not get anything geared toward dating or someone who is single.

My amateur research indicates that the ads are chosen for you, albeit somewhat loosely at times. Some were definitely related to searches I did just yesterday (car insurance). My research is obviously not scientific, but that is what it seems to me from looking. The ads are not random.

What about the idea that your WH checks out dating apps to amuse himself? But has not and maybe has no intention of meeting anyone (which is why he is good to you but is at home)? It seems to me that the ad would not pop up without him just once having visited a dating app. Or a porn site. Porn sites seem to link to dating sites in terms of clientele. "Looking for a date?" That kind of thing. A hook up is a hook up, I guess.

I would keep checking around, but how do you feel about him "playing around" electronically? Do you consider that cheating if he makes no contact with anyone? That's your call. Just wondering. I don't know his cheater M.O.

Good luck to you.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 1:25 PM, Thursday, June 23rd]

Does his profile list his status as single or married? If it says single, that's a major red flag. When you sign up, you're prompted to identify this, so it's no accident if it says single.

Check who his Facebook friends are. Look at his posting history, etc. My married men friends on Facebook frequently post about their wives and families, and that's what you should see in his posts. The posts shouldn't make him indistinguishable from a bachelor (even if he doesn't claim to be one, it shouldn't be hard for a stranger to tell if he's married or single).

You should then make a Facebook account yourself and friend your husband. That will allow you to always keep an eye on his friends list, his posts, etc. His Facebook account shouldn't be a private retreat away from his marriage.

He should welcome you friending him and posting on his wall, etc. If he doesn't welcome it, that's a major red flag. Your posting on his wall occasionally will also make it clear to interested women that he's married.

[This message edited by morningglory at 3:13 PM, Thursday, June 23rd]