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Facebook question

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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 2:54 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

With private browsing how do you catch somebody?

He shouldn't be private browsing. A requirement for him should be that he never deletes his computer or phone history, and never uses private browsing mode. If you check his device & find no use for a stretch, then that's a red flag.

He lost his right to electronic privacy when he cheated yet wanted to reconcile with the person he betrayed. Part of the grounds for reconciliation is that he is forever subject to being checked up on. If he complains, remind him that is what you need to feel safe, and that it helps the marriage for you to be able to check & be reassured whenever your spidey sense is activated.

posts: 348   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8741537
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 zebra25 (original poster member #29431) posted at 4:04 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

Our DD set up his account. He was only interested in having one as a way to sell some things. I didn't want to do it so he did. He hasn't posted anything. From what I can see he only follows/reads stuff from one of his hobbies and our dog breed group. My DD added some family pictures to his profile/account so it seems pretty obvious that he is married. We are the same age but I have been mistaken for his daughter so there's that. laugh

He would have no problem friending me. He leaves the page open and I have the password.

I think what I saw was an add? I'm sorry I am not very familiar with FB so I'm not sure I am accurately describing what I saw. I did take a picture of it.

I have no idea if he uses private browsing or deletes history. Every once in a while when I look there is history there but that doesn't mean he isn't using private browsing for some things and not others. How would I know? I am even less knowledgeable about how to check things on his phone. He hasn't really given me a reason to and I haven't wanted to spend my time checking. I look once in a while if something triggers me.

Porn is a possibility. He used it without my knowledge a few years before his A.

I can pretty easily go through the computer and FB. I suspect if he is doing anything he is using his phone.

Thanks for the replies. I hate this so much and I know you all understand.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2825   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8741543
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slamsunk ( member #79303) posted at 5:14 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

There are apps that will block the ability to open a private browser, at least in Google. You can also get apps that will just track whether a private browser has been opened (without blocking it). These can also be hidden on the phone you are tracking. Although I’ve never tried to hide them so I’m not sure how well it works.
It’s hard to know if those ads are something or a random nothing. I’d keep digging for peace of mind.

BS- me 44, WH- 46, 2 year EA, Dday Spring 2021, TT for 3 months after

posts: 52   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2021
id 8741549
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 zebra25 (original poster member #29431) posted at 7:40 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

What you are referring to (apps) would be for the phone but not the computer?

I scrolled through his FB taking note of the adds. Many but not all of them I can relate to something we have googled. There was an add for one of the chain coffee places. Neither of us drink coffee or have ever gone there or even bought a gift card for that place. Another add was for an outdoor fire pit stove. Also nothing we have researched or related to anything I can think of.

I casually mentioned the adds to him. Saying it was kind of creepy how anything we search comes up as an add. He said he noticed that.

I guess I am left suspicious because of his history but there is some room for doubt.

He uses his phone for most things and that is what I struggle with finding my way around and covering my tracks.

I wish he had never put me in a position to be doubting him. I hate this. I hate feeling like I am being sneaky and not honest.

Thanks for listening!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2825   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8741573
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slamsunk ( member #79303) posted at 8:18 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

Zebra, yes, when I say app I was referring to the phone. I just did a quick google "how can I restore history from incognito mode". Try it. It will tell you how to do it on the computer. I didn’t test to see if it actually works but it’s worth a try! Or maybe you’ll find other helpful information.
Ugh, my stomach knots for you when I think about having to do this stuff. Hope it all checks out okay!!

BS- me 44, WH- 46, 2 year EA, Dday Spring 2021, TT for 3 months after

posts: 52   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2021
id 8741574
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 zebra25 (original poster member #29431) posted at 8:31 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

Thank you!!!

If I start googling things then will that trigger adds for sketchy stuff? duh

Will that not happen if I use private browsing?

Thanks for your kind words. My stomach was already a puddle of acid over some other unrelated stressful stuff we are going through. I told my sister a couple of weeks ago I had a feeling something else was going to happen. I hope I was wrong. look

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2825   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8741576
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Luna10 ( member #60888) posted at 11:48 PM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2022

I do use Facebook and I wanted to give you another example of targeted ads. One of my friends must have been on a fasting diet or maybe due to some algorithms (age? Having kids? God knows) I must have got that one intermittent fasting ad in my feed. I do not need to be on a diet, I did not Google diets.

I did not open the intermittent fasting ad, I did pause for a few seconds though because it had a chart in the picture and a friend of mine asked me once prior to this if I knew anything about it (I didn’t). Anyway bottom line I probably paused around 3-4 seconds on it. Did not click. Did not open it. Since then, about two months ago, my wall is full of intermittent fasting ads.

I’m not saying your WH is 100% innocent. Only he knows that and hopefully he can reassure you with actions that that is the case. I’m saying that there is also the option where he may have paused for one second on something that caught his attention which could have been part of an algorithm triggering the ad.

My WH made the mistake of pausing on some silk expensive robes and slippers (male ones) and since then his FB page is covered in a variety of them. 🤣

[This message edited by Luna10 at 11:49 PM, Thursday, June 23rd]

BW - 38 at the time of the AWH - 45 at the time of the ADday - 27/9/2017

posts: 1503   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Europe
id 8741587
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 zebra25 (original poster member #29431) posted at 12:23 AM on Friday, June 24th, 2022

Thank you Luna. I'm hoping that is the case. I will keep my eyes open and do a little checking.

I have a vague memory of him talking about finding a walking/hiking group for me. I can't remember if we just talked about it or if he actually looked into it. I have lost most of my friends over the past few years to moves and he was feeling bad for me.

I'm not sure what to think. I explained away yellow flags before and look what happened.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2825   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8741590
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Countingsheep65 ( member #56000) posted at 5:49 AM on Friday, June 24th, 2022

Your gut is restless, listen to it, it never lets you down.

posts: 451   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2016
id 8741603
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rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 9:30 AM on Friday, June 24th, 2022

Bot ads. Targeted ads.
There's all this matching pattern stuff for figuring out how to get the viewer to generate a click.
The bots watch the groups visited, memberships or interest and form the profile, play the ads.
If someone clicks the ad, they get revenue for it.

R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.

posts: 1007   ·   registered: Jun. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Northeast US
id 8741605
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BraveSirRobin ( Guide #69242) posted at 1:05 PM on Friday, June 24th, 2022

Let me start by saying that I look askance at anything that even hints at conspiracy theories. My mother has paranoid tendencies, and I have gotten so tired of hearing what "they" are doing that I pretty well tune out such claims the second anyone gets rolling.
That being said, I removed the Facebook app from my phone because so much evidence stacked up that it was listening to my conversations and targeting marketing to what it heard.

Some examples:

My H inherited some bow ties from his uncle. He's never worn a bow tie. We didn't buy, search online, or otherwise do anything traceable that was related to bow ties. Some of them were colorful, and I suggested that our daughter might have a use for them. The next day, Facebook gave me ads for shops that sell patterned bow ties.

I went out to lunch with some fellow parents from a competition group my son is in. Someone had just returned from a trip out west where they had slept in a covered wagon as part of a Little House on the Prairie tourist attraction. Again, I made no related internet search, and I had just met the people who were talking about it. While waiting in the bleachers later that day, I got ads for stories about Michael Landon, the lead actor in the Little House television series.

I had several similar experiences before I deleted the app. Since I've been using Facebook only on my browser, it hasn't happened anymore.

WW/BW

posts: 2736   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8741641
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 zebra25 (original poster member #29431) posted at 1:44 PM on Friday, June 24th, 2022

BSR, that is very creepy!!

He doesn't have FB on his phone.

The add bothers me because of his past behavior but I can't come up with one other thing pointing to guilt. Last time there were many things. He was short with me and always looking to spend time away from me.

I'm not sure if my gut is trying to tell me something or if I'm triggering. Either way, I will do some checking with my very limited skills.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2825   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8741648
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RaggedyAnne ( new member #78800) posted at 2:51 PM on Friday, June 24th, 2022

It is incredibly easy to hide activities on facebook. I personally will never be comfortable with my husband having it ever again and he accepts that.
If I were in your shoes, I would not trust a damn thing. I would download his facebook data and see what I find. This will be emailed to the email address that he has associated with his Facebook account. If he has been hiding anything, you won't see everything but you can find clues.
Sorry that an ad can stir so much anxiety for you. Something like that would for me too.

Oh and as far as incognito mode goes, if you look at his browser history and see a bunch of entries that say "google" but then no other history after, chances are he opens google, then opens incognito mode. Because if he is opening google, normally he should be searching or clicking on something afterwards.

posts: 33   ·   registered: May. 15th, 2021
id 8741698
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