Newest Member: comadreha



My H loved Game of Thrones.
I guess he loved the women of the show too as he was in a lot of FB groups dedicated to them prior to dumping social media. Several seemed pretty sketchy in nature by the name of the group. I did not join these groups to see exactly what they entail as I think it is pretty obvious what they are and he has never denied what I suggested they are.

Last night he said he was thinking of going downstairs to watch a show. In the past he has went downstairs to watch things that I am not interested in and I am fine with this. However, I asked him what he was going to watch and he said House of Dragons. He said he didn't want to watch it upstairs in case there was anything that bothered me. It triggered me and gave me that yucky feeling. It reminded me of all these groups he was a part of on FB. Not just groups of actresses of Thrones but all sorts of inappropriate groups for a married man. Not to mention, he had an addiction to watching porn. Thrones in my opinion was pretty sexual. I told him it was insensitive of him to even suggest watching this show given everything that I have been going through this past year.
I am really struggling with my thoughts about this. On one hand I am like hell no...this stupid show was part of your fucked up inappropriate brain at the time. The other part of me is like it is a stupid TV show. I am getting this way over a stupid TV show? It's ridiculous. I know that when I discovered all of the things that he did it created all of this mess in my head. How on earth do I sift through all this crap and just be freaking normal again? I do not want to be a person that a stupid TV show brings back all these yucky feelings and insecurities but I do not know how to not. It seems very juvenile to me to even feel this way but none the less, I do.

I know many will say he shouldn't be watching or suggesting he is going to watch something that might bother me. If it was porn, I would agree. It's a TV show. I feel at some point this becomes an issue that I need to overcome. It is not like there is some manual that says you should be at this point by this time in your healing. This also isn't something that should be bothering me forever.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, August 24th, 2022

How do you explain?

How do you explain to your spouse the impact of their actions on your history?

Short summary, He cheated off and on for years. Only recently did I learn the whole truths of what he did after 31 years of marriage.

In our conversation last night I tried to explain to him how our entire marriage has been re-written and is completely tainted. I do not look back on any of those years fondly. He doesn't get that. He doesn't understand how all the good things that he did are negated by the awful things he did. He doesn't understand how all of the happy and fond memories that I had are no longer happy and fond memories for me. He feels he did a lot more good than bad. He feels that we had a lot more happy memories than bad.
How do I explain this to him so he can make sense of it? He is trying to make sense of it but I am obviously not expressing myself and my feelings in a way that he can understand it.

24 comments posted: Friday, August 19th, 2022

Would you?

Hi 👋

Newbie here...well not a newbie to the pain of infidelity unfortunately.

Husband of 30 years has cheated on me in the past. Recently I caught him on messenger video chatting with a childhood family friend inappropriately. This latest stab to the gut has allowed all the feelings from the past to come gushing back up too.

He has been deleting text and fb messenger messages for quite some time and has been addicted to porn. My gut tells me that he has been doing this for awhile and probably with other women or on porn sites. I am that woman that needs to know everything that I can. He has deleted all social media accounts and is trying to fix things by being an open book and other positive behaviors. However I can not move forward until I have uncovered every stone that I can looking for evidence of more. I changed all his passwords prior to deleting so I have them all. My thought is to reactivate his Facebook account which seemed to be his favorite and delete basically all his friends except women and see if any of them reach out to him. On one hand, I think I am losing my mind for even considering it. On the other hand I think he was the deceptive one so I feel no shame.

Would you do it if you could? I know it is unhealthy to keep digging but I want to know.

14 comments posted: Friday, May 14th, 2021

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