Why is she angry quickly? Is she angry that you are calling her out? Is she angry that she can't figure anything out on her own? How did she communicate that she was angry? Has she acknowledged how much patience will be required of her if you are to actually attempt to reconcile? Is she directly acknowledging that she is still lying, because she obviously is still lying or trying to.
I am having a hard time imagining what she could legitimately be getting angry about here since she is not demonstrating empathy, even with you basically spoonfeeding her.
In this example, we came home from dinner and went up to bed early--my wife cuddled near me wearing a sexy thong and a short black lacy night gown (not uncommon as we've been having sex at least once a day). She was happily telling me about her day, largely complaining about her boss.
I had a big trigger, recalling how she told me most of her car meetups would go--she'd arrive to his car, breathlessly complain about work and me to AP, with him nodding along in agreement and providing a listening ear. She'd finish up in 10-15 minutes, then they'd start making out and she'd blow him, with him usually fingering her. It was routine for all four meetups in his car.
It struck me that the exact same thing was happening right now--her providing me inane details about her day, me nodding along, then us eventually having sex. I became really sad, fighting back tears. To top things off, it was also the four month anniversary of their first hotel stay on Jan. 4--so I knew exactly four months earlier he was fucking her at that very moment.
She recognized my sadness and held me close, apologizing for hurting me so badly. I eventually drifted off to sleep (it was early, around 9:30 p.m.), her as well--I never spoke a word.
I woke up about 90 minutes later, her lying next to me asleep. I felt entirely confused with a million thoughts in my head. I considered initiating sex, but didn't. I just sat there thinking. She stirred and woke up a bit after 20-30 minutes, cuddling into me.
We began talking, her being apologetic for not recognizing the various triggers, especially the anniversary date. We talked about sex a bit, with her noting how special our sex has been since the affair reveal--she said she just wants to have sex with someone who loves and respects her and that's why our recent sex has been so meaningful.
That bothered me a bit because she was having admittedly great sex with AP when it was very clear to her he neither loved nor respected her. I asked her what she would have done if after I found out, I allowed her to continue the sexual relationship with him. The question was targeted at understanding her mindset of enjoying a prolonged sexual relationship with someone who didn't care about her.
She became a little angry at the question and said she couldn't have done that. I asked her why she was ok having fun sex with another man only if she was also betraying the man who does love her. That trapped her in a corner and she became upset further, not knowing how to tackle it.
I backed off, seeing it wasn't productive and realizing she was over-tired, but I realized there was a lot more to explore with her on the topic as her feelings on sex and love are very confused.
Then today we're both working and she's at her office. She reached out, telling me how important I am to her and how much she loves me. She apologized for briefly getting angry with me last night--she said she was just taken off-gaurd by the question. She recognizes she needs more patience and I suggested if she's faced with a hard question, she should tell me she needs to think about it further and we can put it off another day.
I don't think that qualifies as her lying though--I think I'm asking her questions she hasn't considered before and doesn't know how to react to in real-time. I really want to be in a relationship with all the cards face-up on the table and that requires dealing with uncomfortable conversations.