Isn't this the exact core of the suffering that we BH all through? The pact with the devil, the horrible compromise that we need to accept.
There was definitely suffering, I agree, that was a big part of the trauma for me.
Key word there is WAS.
We all have our pace to recover, and I believe in will and free will and that most people can climb out of the emotional crater/devastation infidelity creates.
I can only relate my experience and my ability to choose my feelings and what I aim for each and everyday I wake up.
After several years, I didn’t suffer anymore.
As to compromise, I comprised NOTHING.
I kept my vows. I held up my end.
Once I discovered my wife had not, I required change, new boundaries and a new approach to our relationship to give her one LAST chance.
Allowing for redemption is not compromise, it’s a kindness, that NONE OF US OWE our spouses.
I only need to accept the facts of what happened, I never have be happy that it happened.
At some point, every bad thing that happens to us moves to the past, the rear view mirror (again, at our own pace).
I’m simply done living in the pain, and the sadness.
If a BH deiced to R, he needs to deal with this for the rest of his life. that's where I can't wrap my mind around
What I deal with is every morning I choose my path.
If the relationship stays this good, if my wife continues to be kind and care about how I am now, today, then I am happy to stay.
If anything changes, that front door to my house is open.
I can walk out and choose a new path anytime I want.
We all get to choose, when we have regained enough strength and taken the time to heal — to decide what we want.
Giving the gift of reconciliation is a hard call to make.
I made it, I’m glad I did. But I haven’t compromised, I required MORE in order to rebuild the M.