BH mid 40sDDay March 2019Reconciling
Just a vent
Mostly a lurker on here. Coming up on 3 years, wife and I continue to progress.
We were at a wedding last night, Monday night of all times to have a wedding with an open bar. First wedding we've been to since DDay. Got through the service and the vows ok. Wasn't really triggered, barely thought about it. We had a lot of fun and great to see some family again. We were both drinking but agreed that I'd take it easier to drive us home. Time to get ready to go so I decide to take advantage of the bar for one last drink. This upset my wife. Rightfully so. I can't say that was smart of me just minutes from getting in the car. She drove us home.
Sitting quietly in the car is now when I reach back into the anger of broken vows. We were at two weddings while she was acting out right before DDay. Now I'm going through the memories and now I'm flooding.
We get home and she asks me what was I thinking going back to the bar. In anger I blurt out something about having to sit there listening to bleeping vows, that forsaking all other isn't just a suggestion. She's frozen like a deer in headlights and I leave to cool off.
I contemplate getting a hotel room for a couple days. But after sleeping on it I write a note explaining my anger and head off to work. She texts me "I love you". This continues to be progress for us.
Just like I wish I had a better plan for cutting myself off at the bar, I wish we would have been prepared for walking in to our first wedding. She's usually real good with checking on me about possible triggers. Didn't even think about it until that Pastor had everyone seated.
Just a vent. Can't remember the last time I had such a flood of anger, which I guess I'm glad I can say.
Such a long road.
5 comments posted: Tuesday, February 1st, 2022