Newest Member: Seekinghelptoo


Is this normal/typical in the reconciliation process?

Is it normal to have thoughs of regret at or around the 4yr+ mark for staying and not divorcing?
I regret I did everything wrong. I played the pick me dance way to long. I didn't file for D after the second dday and burner phone incident. I regret I tolerated her her shitty wayward attitude for a year after D-Day blaming me for her actions. I regret it took me years to become non codependent and fall out of madly in love with her that I am making the choice to stay based on logical reasons.
Love is not enough, marriage is simply a contract.
I have tried everything to try and get back sexually what we used to have now I trying to come to terms that's never gonna happen. Sure she thinks it's great but most times I can't"escape" my thoughts.
Shortly after D-Day I was told my attribute was that I was"comfortable".
Being someone's comfort isn't feeling real good right now, definitely not exciting.

12 comments posted: Wednesday, December 22nd, 2021

Back in the master bedroom

I have been sleeping in the Master bedroom again after about a year and a half sleeping in the man cave in the basement. I have terrible ptsd from her affair because all of the rendezvous happened between 9pm and 1am. I had a nightmare about him and her on the first night in same bed. On the third night it was a nightmare with her and a mutual friend. Of course all sexual in nature. Nothing since then. That’s all. Just needed to share this with somebody safe.

7 comments posted: Monday, December 20th, 2021

4 years today

4 years ago today my life changed forever at 8:06am with a simple intercepted text by accident 🥲. I was murdered mentally that day.
Thats all, thats my post today.

20 comments posted: Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021

What do you find important in a relationship!?

Im curious to hear from others that have more life experiences than i do what you find important in a relationship? Maybe like a a top 5 or 10 things listed in order of importance. 1 being more important and 10 being less important.

13 comments posted: Monday, October 18th, 2021


Does anyone else feel this way?
I am on the doorstep of the 4th anniversary of dday. 4yrs into R. Overall things are going well. She’s become a great person and R I believe is best for me and a good easy life, no holiday’s to split, no sharing enjoying time with the grandchildren, etc.

What’s bewildering to me is some of the things she says. It’s like the roles have flip flopped and instead of me being the co-dependent one now she is.
Recently someone we knew my age passed away unexpectedly. We chatted about it and I asked her what she’d do? She sent me a meme that said she could not live without me and would not want to to go on without me. I know she’s being a little dramatic but I get the point.
Here’s the bewildering part to me. 4.5 yrs ago this is the same person who was having conversation with om about how someday it will be "just us". Basically I’d been replaced without getting the memo. I was replaced for 16 months and now you cannot live without me?

7 comments posted: Thursday, October 14th, 2021

Confused. Just read “cheating in a nutshell “

I just got done reading the book cheating in a nutshell. Im feeling pretty bummed. The book pretty much points out you are fighting a losing battle with reconciliation. Basically said there are no happy marriages after infidelity and we will just suffer. Im just shy of 4yrs into reconciliation. It’s hard. I still think about it every day. I do want it to work out. We get along great, we always have. We had a few issues before the affair but those were easily worked out. We have known each other our whole life. Together since 1989. Is there any hope of happiness again?

20 comments posted: Thursday, September 30th, 2021


I am currently about half way through the book
Cheating in a nutshell. The ptsd chapter definitely caught my attention. I don't know a lot about it but definitely have suspected i have it. Reading the chapter and the symptoms definitely confirmed this. Nightmares, trouble getting to sleep, staying asleep, relying on ambien and other sleep aides occasionally. I also avoid the a/p work place by going out of my way to not see the building. It's a public building so there are times in the past i would go in for work reasons, i refuse to go in there now because i know the majority of them know, hell some of them were reaching out on dday night at 3am to see if she needed to "talk", fucking dogs🤬
were circling thinking a door had opened 🖕🏼.
What are some good books on ptsd?
Other suggestions /treatments for ptsd?
Any care to share their success stories?

10 comments posted: Monday, September 20th, 2021

How do you deal with knowing you were replaced?

I am approaching our 4th dday anniversary.
Since Im coming to the realization that some of these things are never going to be forgotten about, im wondering how do you cope with the realization that you were replaced? Even if it were only during that time. My WW's early on responses no longer comfort me, "it wasnt real" etc. It was very real at the time and by her own admission if i would have caught her much earlier before the limerance started to wane and the shine started coming off she would have left. How do you ever feel safe again? A new shiny object could always show up again.
Do you always just have a wall built up for your protection?

13 comments posted: Sunday, September 12th, 2021

Need advice from WW


[This message edited by Humbled123 at 12:11 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

10 comments posted: Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Why doesn't a revenge affair make you feel better?

I've asked this question several years ago when I was in a much different place. I know from reading on this forum that you will rarely find a person female or male who thinks this works or is a good idea. A recent post on this section confirmed this when that member had a RA that his wife knew about and another long term RA that she didn't. Im confused by that thread because not only did they have a long term ra but they didn't even take the opportunity to leave the original cheater. I am 3.5 yrs out and a RA seems really enticing. Why couldn't I find a 37-44 year old woman who would think im her soul mate /Twin flame fu** the shit out of her and with that fu**my pain away.

47 comments posted: Saturday, July 31st, 2021

Just over 3 yrs

I haven't been here for quite awhile. I was going to post about my struggles but I can see from a recent post "6yrs later" that most of my struggles are not going away anytime soon, probably never, at least in this relationship. Im definitely in the

I love her but im not in love with her. We have an extremely long history, dating since she was 14. I do care for her.

Can any man really get over the sexual infidelity?

I've checked out of the sexual aspect of our relationship. It's my coping mechanism. You see it time and time again on here

"she was different with the a/p" i definitely believe the a/p got the best sexually my ww has to offer. No reason for me to put in any effort. Im not the a/p, I'll never be the a/p. We live in the real world not some fantasy in the back seat of a car.

I'd give our relationship a low probability of long term survival.

How is counseling going to fix this? Yes I did a lot of counseling early on. If i counsel in the future it must be a male who has experienced infidelity and their marriage survived.

5 comments posted: Tuesday, February 9th, 2021

Cookies on®® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220124 2002-2022® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy